Sambas & Cigarettes

  • 11 Replies
  • 228 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

RealKevM

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 508
    • Soundcloud Real KevM 2
« on: June 04, 2019, 10:28:30 AM »
Hello, here's my original song 'Sambas & Cigarettes' with some of Love Inc's 'Superstar' at the end (it's an early 00's dance song). I've started adding bits of other songs at the end of my own songs when playing live/practicing to try and be a bit different. I'd love to know what you think. Anyone who has heard my stuff before please let me know how you think my vocals are progressing oh and please the song itself.

Lyrics
You walk around
You leave a trail of broken hearts
It looks like love has finally
Torn you apart
A brand new coat of paint and
Is that a new dress?
Me i'm just the same
Sambas and cigarettes

Chorus
Everyday's a gift
That's why they call it the present
Did I mention i've been
Learning my lessons
From the greatest teacher this world had ever seen
When I think about you now it's few and far between

2nd verse
Come and say hello
Ask me hows my mum
Oh go on tell me all those things
You've seen and done
Your hair and smile well
They are just the same
The only thing that's changed
Is your last name


Cawproductions

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 526
  • Producer, Engineer & Songwriter
    • Facebook page

shadowfax

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2336
  • Singer songwriter
« Reply #2 on: June 05, 2019, 07:18:20 AM »
Been watching your progress and I would humbly suggest that better pronunciation of the lyrics would be a further improvement ...

best, Kevin :)

LukeArmstrongMusic

  • *
  • Open Mic
  • **
  • Posts: 143
  • Singer/Songwriter from Norway
    • Soundcloud
« Reply #3 on: June 05, 2019, 09:52:36 AM »
Hi Kev!

Like the other guys are saying, you are really improving :) Think the tone in your voice has improved a lot over the past year! Keep on going :)

All the best!
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

diademgrove

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2126
« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2019, 08:23:47 AM »
Hi Kev,

your audience made me smile. She almost put you off your rhythm but not quite :)

I liked the song and your playing and singing. Good use of dynamics.

Your lyrics confused me though. The song could be about your ex-wife, an ex-girlfriend or a crush. I get the impression that its a song of pain but you haven't shown us what caused the pain and why you want to see her again. The first verse sets up the story, you've met and started small talk. The second verse is you inviting her to see your mam again with a hint that you want the fire to be re-light. There is a tension between the thoughts in the verses and the pain in the chorus. I think it needs an extra verse to resolve that tension and finish the song.

One thing you might like to consider is how much money you want to share with the writers of the songs you add to the end of your songs. Being a successful singer/songwriter may seem to be a pipedream at the minute but its good to prepare for the future. 

Feel free to ignore me if you disagree,

Keith

RealKevM

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 508
    • Soundcloud Real KevM 2
« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2019, 08:08:18 PM »
Thank you for taking the time to have a watch/listen guys.
@Cawproductions thanks so much :)
@shadowfax Point noted, thank you :)
@Younger Hills Hi mate i'm really happy that you've seen an improvement with my vocals, it's really encouraging.
@diademgrove Thanks for the kind words. The song is written about an ex that I bump into in a pub/bar a few years later. The line is 'ask me how's my mum' meaning she's asking me about my family making small talk etc, maybe it should be a bit clearer. Cheers for the feedback and listening, i'm jsut adding bits of other songs in for my own amusement at the minute really.

diademgrove

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2126
« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2019, 09:39:47 PM »
@diademgrove Thanks for the kind words. The song is written about an ex that I bump into in a pub/bar a few years later. The line is 'ask me how's my mum' meaning she's asking me about my family making small talk etc, maybe it should be a bit clearer.

One of the joys of songwriting is its up to you how clear or not you want the song to be. If it were me I'd make it clear what the outcome is. There are four obvious ones. You both walk into the sunset together, one of you is left disappointed as the other walks away (usually the singer is left disappointed), you both walk into the sunset apart or she doesn't want to see you but goes to see your mam instead.

You could play around with all four plus any other outcomes you can think of.

Remember though, its your song and feel free to put any advice I give in the waste bin.

Keith

RealKevM

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 508
    • Soundcloud Real KevM 2
« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2019, 02:02:59 AM »
I think it's more a case of both going their seperate ways, I forgot to include the lyrics to the little outer bridge near the end before the final chorus:

Now it's much too late to think
Of what might have been
We could have been the greatest team
This world had seen

diademgrove

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2126
« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2019, 08:39:48 AM »
I think it's more a case of both going their seperate ways, I forgot to include the lyrics to the little outer bridge near the end before the final chorus:

Now it's much too late to think
Of what might have been
We could have been the greatest team
This world had seen

Thanks Kev, I don't know how I managed to miss them.

Bill Saunders

  • *
  • Solo Gig
  • ***
  • Posts: 497
    • https://soundcloud.com/bill-saunders
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2019, 08:43:55 AM »
Hi Kev

I have dipped in and out of your stuff over the last year or two, and you have definitely made progress with your voice.

One thing that really helped me - 15 years ago now - was taking just a handful of singing lessons. I think I only had four or five, but it helped me so much. Because it was one to one with a great singer/teacher, I learnt techniques that were personalised to my own voice. I took notes and still re-read those notes occasionally to this day.

I totally admire you for doing your stuff live on camera, that really takes guts and there is no hiding place!

PaulyX

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 927
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2019, 06:06:51 PM »
Hey Kev, like others have said, definitely going places with the vocals mate, and I too always admire your "to-camera" confidence.  Feels like you are accentuating your natural vocal style a bit more too, which is surely a good thing.  If I could make one suggestion it would be to try and distinguish the chorus melody from the verses a bit more (it feels like similar chords to the verse?  What if you forced yourself to start the chorus on a different chord?).  Good to see your kid keen to get in on the act too...
It's all too beautiful.

RealKevM

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 508
    • Soundcloud Real KevM 2
« Reply #11 on: June 11, 2019, 09:44:48 AM »
@Bill Saunders Hi Bill, I keep meaning to get around to some lessons but cost and time is a bit prohibitive at the moment. Thank you for the kind words, I feel i've definitely improved.

@PaulyX Cheers mate, yeah my songs do tend to sound a bit samey but i'm hopign as my vocal delivery improves i'll get more in tune to how they should be sung if that makes sense