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Jennifer

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Neil C

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« on: May 14, 2019, 07:52:50 AM »
Hi
Here's a tune I co-wrote nearly a year ago and since then I've been at the recording for quite some time to try and get the key, arrangements and vocals to a point where I feel I can let it go.

I watched a documentary about the old London gangsters reminiscing about the past, the Kray Twins and the Richardson brothers etc. Not nice people at all. And of course they all looked liked frail old grandpa's now, anyway that got me thinking. So the story developed about the chauffeur and a journey he won't forget, set to my vision of a 60's musical settings with a touch of cinematic theme tune - wish I had a real orchestra..Anyway that was the idea.

Really like to know if I've delivered and any feedback.

 :)
neil



Please sit down I’ll tell you my story
I promise it wont take long
About a girl as gorgeous as can be
A girl that had the best of me

Driving for some big shots south of the river
The work was regular, cash in hand
No questions asked, kept my big mouth shut
My eyes on the road, leather gloves on hands

refrain

One look in the rear view, I was taken
All smiles and laughter, we both knew the score
Pulled into a lay-by on the, A27
No words were spoken, I never told a soul

Her hair pulled back as dark as midnight
A captivating smile and Dusty’s eyes
Wasn’t thinking about the future
Just the here and now, I’d never felt so alive

Jennifer, Jenifer I love you
Jennifer, Jennifer, we were just passing through

He sent some heavies down from the city
All black moustaches, smelt of cigar smoke
I always knew that it couldn’t end well
And then, the lights, went out

I heard later that her looks were taken
I have to say I still can’t walk too well
If I could have my time again. Would I do same?
And then I’d have another tale to tell

Jennifer, Jenifer I love you
Jennifer, Jennifer, we were just passing through

Jennifer, Jenifer I love you
Jennifer, Jennifer, I was always true

c Connor/Newark 2019

 
songwriter of no repute..

PaulyX

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« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2019, 09:37:45 PM »
Hi Neil, nice to see the A27 get a mention! Often on that road...
I really like the story - it’s just vague enough, lets the listener fill in the blanks.
Very nice refrain after the first verse too and the chorus melody is sweet, gives it a nice lift. Liked the BVs too... good production all round. 5:33 - maybe a tad long, but then again not sure what I’d cut out... good work!
« Last Edit: May 17, 2019, 05:33:54 AM by PaulyX »
It's all too beautiful.

tboswell

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« Reply #2 on: May 16, 2019, 10:17:26 AM »
Love the swinging vibe of the track, really nice sway to it.
Nice storytelling in the lyrics. She must have been quite a lady to risk everything for!

I get what you were trying to do with the orchestration. I think you've tended to get them to follow the guitar, the chords or vocals. If you want a more classic style string arrangement try following the movement of the baseline (which is lovely I might add!) and not the guitar chords or melody. And try getting the string lines to fills the gaps in the melody more that go along with it, creating a melody line counter to the vocal melody. Hope that's helpful.

Really nice work :)

Skub

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« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2019, 08:05:06 PM »
Yo Neil.

A lovely,laid back story song,all done with a jaunty air. It hides it's length well too.

Tom just gave some awesome advice on the strings, in the previous post,which I'll certainly take on board myself. Cheers Tom.
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Martinswede

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« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2019, 02:54:32 PM »
Hi Neil

Another good song. I think the variations in the instrumentation really help to set the mood. At times it feels like a swing version of Road to hell, with a more interesting story.

It felt like the over all volume was a bit low, I just listened to some other tunes here and had to turn up the volume a lot for this one.

All the best,
Martin

mickyplankton

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« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2019, 04:44:09 PM »
Hi Neil. It's a decent song. The lyrics are good and tell an interesting story. I would drop the 'of' in 'of the river' if you re record. Overall it's a bit on the slow side for my taste. ThParticularly as it ends up over 5 minutes. Appreciate you want it laid back but if you made it a bit faster it would still be laid back and may overall be a bit tighter. Therss plenty of room in the lyrics to sing at a faster pace. Just my two pence. Cheers Micky

digger72

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« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2019, 09:22:04 AM »
Hi Neil,

I was getting Sunny Afternoon, Road to Hell, La Fee Verte, all mixed together with a huge dose of swing.
Have you seen the film London Boulevard? Think the song would fit in to that soundtrack.

Quite a long track, but doesn't outstay its welcome.

Digger