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Wind and Sea

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rightly:
Yes. This was a fun read.
Consistent quality.
The music would have to be right up there too.
Good luck.

Paulski:
Hi igg - it's very good. I love the personification of, well anything really so it's right up my street. I few tiny suggs below you should really ignore :)


--- Quote from: igg on April 19, 2019, 04:54:25 PM ---
Wind and Sea

Verse 1:
The wind whipped silver water - wind whipped may be hard to annunciate
Blows whitecaps fringed with spray - same with "whitecaps fringed"
He whispered, "I'm so mighty
I'll rage and have my way"
And Water said "don't tease me, boy
With fingers through my hair
My body vast as heaven's reach
Can feel your surging air

Verse 2:
"I travel where I wish", he cried
"Not bound by any shore
And as we move together
We'll tangle more and more"
She said, "Let's dash against the rocks
And join in rising mist
As our two bodies turn to foam
We'll show how we have kissed"
 

Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love - how about "a secret love"?
Between the sun and moon
 

Verse 3:
And from this union will ascend
Our clouds fulfilled with rain
And they will travel 'round the world
Before they fall again
Our hearts will pound and thunder
Through every distant shore
As we are joined as one at last
Held fast forevermore

Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love - how about "our secret love"?
Between the sun and moon

--- End quote ---

hardtwistmusic:
This is my third time through this before I felt comfortable enough to critique it.  Really good (as all your lyrics are.) 

Sings easily, well, and with a credible amount of drama.  Ready for music.  It didn't "hit me hard" the first time I read it, then the second read, (with the additional familiarity) it was better.  This time through, it's a home run (or if you prefer GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL.) 

igg:
Once again....Thanks for the comments and suggestions...

Rightly -  Thanks for your kind comments...I'm working on the music even as we speak.....!
Paulski -   Appreciate the time and analysis.....I know you love personification and have proved yourself a master of it....I'm in the dilemma of loving the words and sacrificing the sing-ability....I'm guilty as charged....
The changes to secret love would undermine the deeper point I'm pursuing....i.e. the forces of gravity and attraction between the sun and moon that power the character story....so i don't want to move it to the purely personal....Does that make any sense???
Hardtwist - Thanks for the multiple reads....I'm really glad that it finally found resonance with you....Thanks!!!

Jo ash:
When you can't subtract or add anything, you just have to say: Great.
This is great. I enjoyed reading through and it kept tingling my mind.

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