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Wind and Sea

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igg

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« on: April 19, 2019, 03:54:25 PM »
Hi....  Any thoughts or suggestions?????

igg



Wind and Sea

Verse 1:
The wind whipped silver water
Blows whitecaps fringed with spray
He whispered, "I'm so mighty
I'll rage and have my way"
And Water said "don't tease me, boy
With fingers through my hair
My body vast as heaven's reach
Can feel your surging air

Verse 2:
"I travel where I wish", he cried
"Not bound by any shore
And as we move together
We'll tangle more and more"
She said, "Let's dash against the rocks
And join in rising mist
As our two bodies turn to foam
We'll show how we have kissed"

 

Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love
Between the sun and moon

 

Verse 3:
And from this union will ascend
Our clouds fulfilled with rain
And they will travel 'round the world
Before they fall again
Our hearts will pound and thunder
Through every distant shore
As we are joined as one at last
Held fast forevermore


Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love
Between the sun and moon

LukeArmstrongMusic

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« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2019, 05:28:59 PM »
Clever using ABCB rhyming, and you're going with the same pattern throughout the whole song. It works very well, and the lyrics are beautiful and touching. Not like the typical love songs, but you have a really cool and storytelling writing style. Can't wait to hear some music to these amazing lyrics :)

Andreas
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/lukearmstrongmusic

Dogmax

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« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2019, 10:20:16 PM »
Hi....  Any thoughts or suggestions?????

igg



Wind and Sea

Verse 1:
The wind whipped silver water
Blows whitecaps fringed with spray
He whispered, "I'm so mighty
I'll rage and have my way"
And Water said "don't tease me, boy
With fingers through my hair
My body vast as heaven's reach
Can feel your surging air

Verse 2:
"I travel where I wish", he cried
"Not bound by any shore
And as we move together
We'll tangle more and more"
She said, "Let's dash against the rocks
And join in rising mist
As our two bodies turn to foam
We'll show how we have kissed"

 

Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love
Between the sun and moon

 

Verse 3:
And from this union will ascend
Our clouds fulfilled with rain
And they will travel 'round the world
Before they fall again
Our hearts will pound and thunder
Through every distant shore
As we are joined as one at last
Held fast forevermore


Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love
Between the sun and moon


Hey man reality ask 'did they make it to the beach'  'did they make it to the sea' 


Neil C

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« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2019, 06:42:40 PM »
Igg,
Just got to say fabulous lyrics, nothing to add.

Indeed I wish I'd written it..

Cant wait to hear it put to music.

:-)
Neil
« Last Edit: April 24, 2019, 06:49:04 PM by Neil C »
songwriter of no repute..

igg

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« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2019, 05:13:39 PM »
Hi guys!...

Thanks for taking the time to comment and such kind comments they were..

Younger Hills - Thanks...Glad you liked the lyrics....currently working on the music....
Dogmax - They make it everywhere...all the time...!
Neil - Good to see again!!!!!....been awhile...Thank you sincerely for the heartfelt comments...

igg

Rightly

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« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2019, 11:01:59 AM »
Yes. This was a fun read.
Consistent quality.
The music would have to be right up there too.
Good luck.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Paulski

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« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2019, 01:41:35 PM »
Hi igg - it's very good. I love the personification of, well anything really so it's right up my street. I few tiny suggs below you should really ignore :)


Wind and Sea

Verse 1:
The wind whipped silver water - wind whipped may be hard to annunciate
Blows whitecaps fringed with spray - same with "whitecaps fringed"
He whispered, "I'm so mighty
I'll rage and have my way"
And Water said "don't tease me, boy
With fingers through my hair
My body vast as heaven's reach
Can feel your surging air

Verse 2:
"I travel where I wish", he cried
"Not bound by any shore
And as we move together
We'll tangle more and more"
She said, "Let's dash against the rocks
And join in rising mist
As our two bodies turn to foam
We'll show how we have kissed"

 

Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love - how about "a secret love"?
Between the sun and moon

 

Verse 3:
And from this union will ascend
Our clouds fulfilled with rain
And they will travel 'round the world
Before they fall again
Our hearts will pound and thunder
Through every distant shore
As we are joined as one at last
Held fast forevermore


Chorus:
Let lightning be our witness
The sparkling stars our guests
We're surging with the power
Of lover's truly blessed
To some we're just the weather
A rainy afternoon
But we have found the secret love - how about "our secret love"?
Between the sun and moon

« Last Edit: May 03, 2019, 01:44:33 PM by Paulski »

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #7 on: May 06, 2019, 07:52:14 AM »
This is my third time through this before I felt comfortable enough to critique it.  Really good (as all your lyrics are.) 

Sings easily, well, and with a credible amount of drama.  Ready for music.  It didn't "hit me hard" the first time I read it, then the second read, (with the additional familiarity) it was better.  This time through, it's a home run (or if you prefer GOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL.) 

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

igg

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« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2019, 02:33:52 PM »
Once again....Thanks for the comments and suggestions...

Rightly -
  Thanks for your kind comments...I'm working on the music even as we speak.....!
Paulski -   Appreciate the time and analysis.....I know you love personification and have proved yourself a master of it....I'm in the dilemma of loving the words and sacrificing the sing-ability....I'm guilty as charged....
The changes to secret love would undermine the deeper point I'm pursuing....i.e. the forces of gravity and attraction between the sun and moon that power the character story....so i don't want to move it to the purely personal....Does that make any sense???
Hardtwist - Thanks for the multiple reads....I'm really glad that it finally found resonance with you....Thanks!!!

Jo ash

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« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2019, 12:04:42 PM »
When you can't subtract or add anything, you just have to say: Great.
This is great. I enjoyed reading through and it kept tingling my mind.

Vintage54

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« Reply #10 on: June 30, 2019, 10:00:52 PM »
 
    Oh Wow!
       What can i say? There's many a chartbusting act making millions that could not better this. Stunner!

                                           Vintage54