[Fadow]

Dear Songwriter forum members,

I just made an account and this is my first post! I need your help with the second verse of my tune. I am not a native speaker and I am unsure about this verse regarding its grammar:

"Tonight I'll be haunted by this dream
where I'll be catching the sparks
(that are?) flying from your heels"

Two things come up to my mind: 1. Can I leave "that are" out? Then it would fit better the number of syllables of the melody.
2. Is the use of those particular future forms correct or do I need to use different tense?

I would highly appreciate if a native speaker can help me out. Thank you in advance.

Best,
Fadow

[pompeyjazz]

I'm no grammar expert but I think the following would be acceptable

"Tonight I'll be haunted by this dream
where I'll be catching the sparks
flying from your heels"

[Dogmax]

Sometimes it helps when you stretch out the first line or first thought of lines then flow with the rest then read back what you wrote, use the forum to get you there 

[Fadow]

Thanks a lot! I feel relieved haha. Also, now that I am stretiching out the first line in my head, the verse seems to flow. Thanks for the advice! Might put the lyrics of that song in here for feedback. I guess I need to open a new thread for that.

[CaliaMoko]

I'm picky (but not always correct) about grammar, and in my opinion, leaving out "that are" makes it better.

[josemar]

I would also leave out the 'that' bit....

''tonight I will be haunted by the dream, where I'll be catching the sparks flying from heels''

yeah that's keeping the same tense

[josemar]

sorry, ''from your heels''.....
pronouns are important