konalavadome

Sunflowers (Live Acoustic Demo)

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RealKevM

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« on: March 13, 2019, 02:07:29 PM »
HI, this is a song I wrote about a year and a half ago it's the first song I wrote after deciding to write again after several years. It's fairly simple I guess (three chords throughout) i'd love to hear what you think of the song and specifically some feedback on the melody and how it could be improved (vocals are not my strong point as we all know lol)

Lyrics

The Sunflowers are dead

But you're still in my head

Your shoes are at the door

But you don't come here anymore

 

Chorus

You're skipping this town

Feet ain't touching the ground

Don't stop and look around

You're lost and you're found

 

Second verse

I packed up all my things

Took my hopes, my plans my dreams

I won't ever take your call

Won't go chasing waterfalls

 

The chorus changes each time from 'You're' to 'I'm' to finally 'we're' - I think I need a third verse for the final chorus starting 'We're skipping this town..' to make sense.




Fadow

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« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2019, 03:02:43 PM »
I like the beginning of the melody in the verse. It is touching with the lyrics. But the whole verse feels similar especially with the chorus. In my opinion the song lacks real highlights regarding the melody to make it a strong song. For example, maybe in the chorus some notes could be made longer or maybe reach for high notes.

I  really like the lyrics and I think the song has lot of potential. I would play around with melody until some really great melody pops out of nowhere. In the meantime I would just focus on other songs and come back to it later so that no frustration comes up. Some of my songs took me years to come up with a magical melody.

RealKevM

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« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2019, 09:58:50 PM »
Cheers man i'l keep plugging away, i've been tinkering with it off an for a while now. Thanks for checking it out :)