konalavadome

envious time

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Rightly

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« on: March 10, 2019, 09:59:09 AM »
I've been getting stuck with these lyrics.
I think I've got the music worked out now, just have to record it.
It's still in progress though and I'm hoping for a stroke genius to save it from mediocrity.

If someone can send me off n reeling with a murderous innovation I'd be appreciative.



envious time


  fly, fly, envious time
until thy race is run out
  leaden-stepped feet
 will not compete
  accept defeat
     just for now

    fortuitous surprise has unlocked my mind
      fly, envious time

   sleep, sleep, desperate need
    smother me, safe from all harm
    oblivious friend
   will know me then
     release me when
                 all is calm

    if I die before I wake, pray the Lord, my soul to take
          fly, envious time
     and please don't leave me behind
              envious time.   


_________________

   with the music I intend to get a little playful but it shouldn't get lost. 
It's a bit of a challenge for me. 
                Suggestions would be most welcome.   :D
« Last Edit: March 21, 2019, 04:10:40 PM by Rightly »
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Dogmax

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« Reply #1 on: March 16, 2019, 12:42:12 AM »
Hey man im writing as im reading ' just for now'  i feel that your key man






Rightly

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« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2019, 04:15:44 PM »
Hey man im writing as im reading ' just for now'  i feel that your key man
 






Thanks for the encouragement Dogmax.

This has been a struggle but I think I have something.
It'll be a slow and short song.
I'll get a demo sorted and then consider looking for a lady to sing it.
It'll be a nice addition to my coming album.   
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Rightly

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« Reply #3 on: May 16, 2019, 12:07:17 PM »
This is the only thing I've written in almost a year.
I'll try to finish it with cubase.
This might be the time I wander off and concentrate on doing a few covers.
I feel defeated.




envious time


  fly, fly, envious time
until thy race is run out
  leaden-stepped feet will not compete
  accept defeat just for now
    fortuitous surprise has unlocked my mind
      fly, envious time
   fly, envious time

   sleep, sleep, desperate need
 smother me, safe from all harm
    oblivious friend will know me then
     release me when all is calm
    if I die before I wake, pray the Lord, my soul to take
          fly, envious time
    and please don't leave me behind, envious time

    I do only improve
  with things t'which I am inclined
     new moon, both eyes on you
 surrender to any virtue of mine
a little worse for wear n' too far gone to care
       fly, envious time
    and please don't leave me behind, envious time

            envious time
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2019, 04:22:52 AM »
It's not "too" short.  "Too long" is a way more common problem than "too short."  A talented musician can make any lyric stretch out for the 2 minutes/30 seconds needed to be "long enough."  Musical bridges. . . repeat phrases.  Lots of ways.  See Steve Winwood's "Heaven is in your Mind."  Not much lyric needed. 

And I loved the lyric.  Don't know how I missed seeing this before.
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2019, 07:06:59 AM »








I wish you didn't feel defeated.  This is really high potential lyric. 
Here are a few suggestions.  Feel free to use, or not use them as you think is best.


envious time
  fly, fly, envious time
until thy race is run out  I don't think you need this.  The near rhyme with "now" isn't necessary to my ear. 
  leaden-stepped feet will not compete
  accept defeat just for now
    fortuitous surprise has unlocksed my mind
      fly, envious time
   fly, envious time

   sleep, sleep, desperate need
 smother me, safe from all harm
    oblivious friend will know me then
     release me when all is calm
    if I die before I wake, pray the Lord, my soul to take
          fly, envious time
    and please don't leave me behind, envious time

    I do only improve
  with things t'which I am inclined
     new moon, both eyes on you
 surrender to any virtue of mine
a little worse for wear
n' too far gone to care
       fly, envious time
    and please don't leave me behind, envious time

            envious time

Notice no "additions". . . only subtractions.  And it could be that your rhythm requires those syllables. I just felt it flowed better without them.  But again, I don't know how you will sing this. 

www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Rightly

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« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2019, 07:50:45 AM »
It's not "too" short.  "Too long" is a way more common problem than "too short."  A talented musician can make any lyric stretch out for the 2 minutes/30 seconds needed to be "long enough."  Musical bridges. . . repeat phrases.  Lots of ways.  See Steve Winwood's "Heaven is in your Mind."  Not much lyric needed. 

And I loved the lyric.  Don't know how I missed seeing this before.

Thanks for the insightful response and for going to the trouble of making those suggestions.
I'm more at ease with these lyrics now. I'll have to see to it that the production makes up for any perceivable shortcomings but I've grown to like the song.

It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly