Holding On

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Younger Hills

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« on: March 09, 2019, 10:38:30 PM »
Hello Songwriter Forum members! Wrote down some lyrics today, and thought I should share them with you. I'm not a native speaker of the English language, so there might be some grammar mistakes, so feel free to guide me on the right track, and if you'd like give me some feedback on the song :)

Verse 1:
I left this town
With a broken heart and a dime
I called her up
She said she needed some time
To be herself
To clear her head
There’s an empty space
Next to me in my bed

Chorus:
Will it ever be enough
I am forever yours
Barely holding on
To the promises we told
I am yours to keep
I’ll protect you when you sleep
If I asked you
Would you say “I do”
I’m still holding on
To the dream of you

Verse 2:
She got mad
When I said she’s been on my mind
She said it’s too late
To come back and make things right
When I’ve been away
For so long
I wasn’t there
When she needed me most

Chorus:
Will it ever be enough
I am forever yours
Barely holding on
To the promises we told
I am yours to keep
I’ll protect you when you sleep
If I asked you
Would you say “I do”
I’m still holding on
To the dream of you

Bridge:
I’m holding on
To what we had
I’m holding on
To the good days and the bad

Chorus:
Will it ever be enough
I am forever yours
Barely holding on
To the promises we told
I am yours to keep
I’ll protect you when you sleep
If I asked you
Would you say “I do”
I’m still holding on
To the dream of you
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/elijahblueofficial

Rightly

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  • and there you have it.
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« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2019, 09:36:16 AM »
It seems this would make a pretty solid song.   
I think if you have a real experience to refer to
The music should be fairly easy to put together.

It seems quite modest and with a good vocal performance that can work in its favour.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

josemar

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« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2019, 04:18:15 PM »
I think is good. Should the Title 'Holding On' be repeated more perhaps....just to hammer it home...to your crowd.
Another thing is, I've read this in J Blume's book! .....It's not good to include the title 'Holding On' in the bridge....as it won't be as fresh when it swings around in the last chorus......
Also it's probably a Nashville thing: to vary the rhyme 'sounds' from verse to verse..
You have 'dime' 'time'. then in V2- 'mind' 'right'...So more of 'i' sound.Pedantic, perhaps......BTW...do young people use the expression 'dime'? I'd say they use...'funds'...esp as 'Cash is passe, cards are here to stay'...(copywright j.c.)

Younger Hills

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« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2019, 10:54:11 PM »
Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated! I felt "dime" expressed how I felt writing the lyrics best, and it was also pretty much everything I had in my account too so :p When I have been playing it for myself, I have had a short outro, repeatedly using "holding on" till the end.
The bridge is probably the part I always struggle to write in every song, so have to sit down and think over various ways I can set it up properly, maybe do some mind-mapping and see what comes up!
Where the Hills are young, the Souls are old

https://soundcloud.com/elijahblueofficial

Dogmax

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« Reply #4 on: March 16, 2019, 12:55:13 AM »
Okay i'm hearing first verse need to connect with second verse first line  8)