[Fadow]

https://soundcloud.com/tributetoalexanderbatta/another-man

Hi, this is a song which I wrote four years ago. I am sending this acoustic bit for feedback. It could be considered finished but I still write around it from time to time. Here is a version where my mate sings it for me. Only thing that I changed are the lyrics to the second verse and the bridge as I did not consider them to be good enough.

let me think what you think of this version. I never considered it as finished. I am looking for comments on completeness ( is something lacking like another bridge or solo part?) lyrics (are they okay, gramatically and if they sound weird or are they okay though they do not rhyme and if they flow), and melody.

Another man

I was walking down the streets
just to see that you
haven't changed at all

 Tonight I'll be haunted by this dream
where Ill be catching the sparks
 flying from your heels

Chorus
Oh where are you now
I need you
You're the drug to which I'm always coming back
Oh my heart dropped
when I saw you
walking down the streets with another man

-Break-

Verse
You said it won’t happen again
and that it didn't mean a thing
oh don’t you say it ain’t so

Now I see the truth in front of me
All you do is talk
You're lucky words don't bleed

Chorus

Bridge
another man
replaced my hand
in this dead end street
of no man's land

Chorus

[Dogmax]

I like it I like it a lot, everything flows well together lyrics vocals guitar, recording could be better but it's early days

Really nice really cool 

[Fadow]

thanks man. glad you like it!

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Fadow. This is a fabulous little song, very good melody and structure. I'm sure that you know that the recording quality isn't too hot but the song shines through  Worth getting it produced properly I would say.

[cowparsleyman]

Whato @Fadow - Sounds OK to me, good luck with the production, there's plenty of scope for some pop hooks.

Especially like the hook in the Chorus.

cpm

[Fadow]

thanks for feedback. It ended up on this instrumental version. What you think? @cowparsleyman good for the hooks or ..? I will let my mate sing it later

https://soundcloud.com/tributetoalexanderbatta/anotherman-instrumental-version

[RealKevM]

Decent tune, i'd love to hear a more polished version.

[cowparsleyman]

thanks for feedback. It ended up on this instrumental version. What you think? @cowparsleyman good for the hooks or ..? I will let my mate sing it later

https://soundcloud.com/tributetoalexanderbatta/anotherman-instrumental-version

@Fadow - This should never be an instrumental, this has everything you need for a really decent vocal song, I'd leave out the phaser though, cut back the verb gtrs, they  distract from the song, leave that out completely and replace it witha LVox, a couple of HVox preferably a female vocalist, Monno DB from this forum would be a good choice.

Just one tip on the lyrics, they don't have to mean a lot, just have a good hooky melody and careful choice of word rhythm (prosody)

You have a hit here...but not in it's current skin.

Hope this helps, it has a lot of potential.

Rich

[Fadow]

@cowparsleyman thank you for the feedback. what do you mean with Lvox and Hvox? Low and high voice? Lvox and Hvox in the Chorus?

[cowparsleyman]

@Fadow - It a throwback to when I used to mix using an analogue desk, there was never much space to write what the channel was for, I used to use LVox for Lead Vocal, BVox for Backing Vocal, and HVox for Harmony Vocal, if there were more than one I'd just stick a number after it, and use a tracksheet or a book to remember some of the important settings, so much easier in a DAW.

Regards

Rich