[mikek]

i've been listening to a lot of songs on the forum.  i haven't reviewed any of them lately, and sorry for that, but its hard for me to provide feedback sometimes.  some of the songs, i just don't get, honestly, and i don't want to just post some bullshit comment.. because people can smell bullshit a mile away.  some of them are great but i have nothing to add that hasn't already been said.  anyway, i know its not how the forum is supposed to work, so i'm perfectly fine if no one feels inclined to leave a comment about my song either.  i completely understand.  so with that aside... here is my latest offering.

this song is inspired by my mom.  she was always a really great woman and i love her a lot.  i'm very grateful for her, but when i was young i put her through hell.  later in life my older sister put her through hell too, then my dad passed away and that was really tough on her.  now she's changing a lot as she has Alzheimer disease and her personality is spiraling down into a dark place.

oh, i'm pretty much completely frustrated with DAW recordings, and production right now, so this is a completely minimalist approach to the song...which is, after all, how it was created in the first place.  its too long and probably kind of boring for most listeners. 

Mama couldn’t sleep for worryn bout a child
Brought up right but took a turn for the wild
Couldn’t imagine where the love had gone
Didn’t understand what she might have done wrong
Shaking in the bed she cried herself to sleep
Praying to her father from underneath the sheets
Whisper in her ear girl you gotta let go
Some things in life you can’t control

Its alright to lay your burden down
Its alright to lay your burden down
This ole world will weigh on you
Till there’s nothing you can do
Its alright to lay your burden down
v2
Grandma had baby that needed help
Her mama ran off just thinkin of herself
Grandma worked hard every day
Family pulled together and found a way
Baby grew up and now she’s fine
She found love and left the pain behind
Her mama came back to her life again
Maybe some day we can all be friends
~chorus~    ~bridge~
I wish that there were some way
To know you when you were young
Then maybe i could understand
What filled you up with so much love
v3
Mommy and Daddy married young
But they always danced with the one they brung
Lived together more than 50 years
Had their share of pain and tears
Daddy took ill and started to fade
Slipped away from the life they’d made
Mama in her grief couldn't get him go
Nothin in her life had ever mattered more

~chorus

[pompeyjazz]

Families eh !!! I'm sure that a lot of people can relate to this as the image of the perfect family that is pumped out in your face each day every day is gazillions of years away from the real world. I loved the honesty of the song Mike and also the fact that you decided to f**k the DAW for a bit as they can be awkward little blighters at times. I enjoyed the listen

[PaulyX]

Yo Mike, a song with gravitas.  Its stately, not looking for cheap hooks - and you've got a great sonorous voice for that kind of track I'd say.  You sound wise in this song, which suits the lyrics.
If you're looking for suggestions I wondered if you could vary the melody of the choruses a bit more since you stay in a similar register to the verses, maybe reach up a few notes with the vocals?  I do like the way you introduce the strumming in the choruses versus the picking in the verses though.
"It's alright for you to lay your burden down" is a strong line, and makes for a strong title too.

[Skub]

Sorry Mike,I get 'video unavailable'.

[mikek]

my bad, i made it private thinking if someone had a link to it they could still see it.  oops.  i'll have to undo that.  thanks for letting me know, and for attempting to listen 

[Skub]

Yo Mike.

It's a cool song,which reminds me a little of a chilled Steve Earle. I do admire old Stevie.

I understand the comments about taking it a step up/change for the chorus,I also understand how hard that can be with one vocal and one guitar.

Anyway,I much enjoyed the DAW-free Mike,sometimes with all this technology,we allow the tail to wag the dog.

On another note,I now appreciate your avatar. 

[MartynRich]

Hey Mike

I really like this kind of country-style music - it's mostly in the storytelling and your lyrics are poetic and reflective with a strong message. I love the guitar picking as well - I almost wished you'd kept it going throughout the chorus, it may work really well as you've got a talent for it.

Re your comments about reviewing others, I guess it's up to you. I love it when people leave positive comments (who wouldn't?) but I much prefer constructive opinions on how to improve what I do. So feel free to cut the bullshit with me 

Great song.

[mikek]

On another note,I now appreciate your avatar. 

yep, actual photo of me donning my nudie suit

[macker71165]

Luv the stripped down feel of this song nice and melodic and man you have a really good voice which stirred emotion in me  well done fella nxt one please....tony

[MichaelA]

Very thoughtful narrative song delivered in a very intimate fashion like we're there in the chair next to you listening to you sing.

I often think that this kind of country music is quite demanding of the modern listener, who is often expecting a quick fix or a buzz, where this sort of thing demands that you stop what you are doing and give it a proper listen. Only then will you get anything out of it, no fiddling with your phone or flicking through TV channels while you listen allowed! I for one am very glad that people like you are making this kind of music still!

Reminds me of simpler times and a simpler world and I do like that!

[Yodasdad]

This is cool as F**k.

It's simple and honest and it works just fine without the bells and whistles of a DAW.

it's personal yet very relatable at the same time.

I love the finer picked riff in the verses.

The only thing I would say is that there sounds like a slight disconnect between the verses and the chorus to me. To my ears this is due to the switching from picking to strum but also slowing down the pace at the same time. I think possibly making the stum pattern of the chorus a little more busy could fix this.

This isn't a criticism, just trying to be constructive. I think what you're possibly going for is the chorus being an exhale, a release, it's okay, don't worry, relax.

Maybe it's just me being too picky. I enjoyed the song nonetheless.

Yodasdad.

[cowparsleyman]

Whato @mikek - good to put a face to a name, love this song, really very well recorded, beautifully sung and played, not to long, you might consider manipulating the melody line a bit in the last couple of verses, just to add a little extra something.

I can hear pedal steel gtrs on the last  verse...


You know me Mike, whats the guitar sounds superb...

Glad you didn’t DAW this.

 

[mikek]

hey everyone, thanks for the encouraging feedback.  i really didn't expect much of a response so i'm very gratified by the kind words. 

i'm really bad at home recording and production.  it's a skill i want to develop but i usually end up with a big mess that ruins my songs.

the steel guitar comment, i can definitely agree with that observation.  i actually imagine that i can hear steel guitar on many of my songs.  i wish i could take that sound i hear in my head and capture that in a DAW but so far it eludes me.

[Pres]

That's a good song! and a good story.

Like Cp suggested, I think steel Or harp would fit great.