[Sterix]

I haven't posted any lyrics for a while so I thought I'd rectify that. I've been really ill for the last week (actually, I have an infection in my ankle and it's the antibiotics which are killing me - I'm suffering from half of the side affects!) I'm near the end of the course and feeling a little bit better so I tried my hand at writing something yesterday. This is what I came up with...


SHINE LIKE A STAR


VERSE
You never forget where you come from
Even though you don’t know where you go
For the path that you travel’s a long one
And it leads you into the unknown

BRIDGE
Every sign that is pointing the way
Seems like every direction but home
How will you know if it leads you astray
When the future is not set in stone?
VERSE
A memory offers some comfort
As a voice from the past speaks again
Saying even when lost you are somewhere
With a chance to find some better way

BRIDGE
Darkness may fall but it’s nothing to fear
For the sun will arise once again
Even the mists must eventually clear
And you’ll see that you’re back on your way

CHORUS
The future is yours
You just have to believe in yourself
There is nobody else
Who can be who you are
And what’s more
You are more than world would believe
But it’s sure gonna see
How you shine like a star
You’ll go far

VERSE
The king on his throne always watches
For the rage in the voice of the crowd
For his reign isn’t what he expected
And he’s plagued by the shadows of doubt

BRIDGE
You think that the grass in the other’s green field
Is sweeter than your barren earth
But how much hard work, how much blood, sweat and tears
Did it take to produce what you yearn?

CHORUS
The future is yours
You just have to believe in yourself
There is nobody else
Who can be who you are
And what’s more
You are more than world would believe
But it’s sure gonna see
How you shine like a star
You’ll go far

INSTRUMENTAL

CHORUS
The future is yours
You just have to believe in yourself
There is nobody else
Who can be who you are…

CHORUS
The future is yours
You just have to believe in yourself
There is nobody else
Who can be who you are
And what’s more
You are more than world would believe
But it’s sure gonna see
How you shine like a star

CHORUS
You’ll go far
You just have to believe in yourself
There is nobody else
Who can be who you are
And what’s more
You are more than world would believe
But it’s sure gonna see
How you shine like a star
You’ll go far

[Dogmax]

I'm liking the flow man what are you going be like after the antibiotic 

You got a melody idea 

[Sterix]

Good news - off the antibiotics. My wound has healed. And yes, I do have a tune for this (I actually remember this one for some reason).

[Vintage54]

    Hi Sterix,

            So you haven't posted for a while. Well i for one hope you don't leave it too long before your next, because this is a pretty good lyric, and i'm surprised more people haven't commented. It's got good rhythm and flow, particularly in the verses. If i can be critical, the chorus kind of breaks that a little, but maybe it works better with the music. Keep em coming.

                                         Vintage54

[Sterix]

Thanks @Vintage54.

Yeah, it really does work with the tune in my head. Lines 2 and 6 do kind of force an extra "sylable" at the begining but that's nothing new and it sounds fine to me.

The verse and the bridge are sort of "gentle" compared to the chorus, which basically steps up the tempo. Kicks in with the first line, then the next two rhyme with each other, and then you get the last line which doesn't breathe going into the fifth line (a repetition of the first line musically.

I may have to attach a recording so you can hear how it's supposed to be.

[adamfarr]

I like it - the message is quite direct and accessible, not too expressionist or image laden, and so quite in keeping with the modern way. Definitely would like to hear the music. The grass is greener part is memorable and well crafted in particular.

Just from reading it does possibly seem quite long - perhaps because the bridge / pre-chorus seems to be just as long as the verses (so you'd have the equivalent of 4 verses before getting to the chorus - which definitely isn't the modern way!). Maybe starting with the abbreviated chorus that you have later would help with that - gets us immediately to the hook which then makes it more satisfying when we hear it again later.

I also tend not to have a solo / instrumental break when I have a pre-chorus but of course that all depends on everything else!

Good to see you back and hope that injury is sorted.

[rightly]

I read through the lyrics and found the verses n bridges to be most appealing.
Definitely enough material for making a good song.
For a minute I was tempted, inspired to have a go myself.
The theme is similar to a song I wrote a few months ago, "walk without shame"
          I had such a blast with that.

I'd be interested to see how this song develops, it'd be nice to see something more than lyrics to come if it.   

Thanks. 

[Sterix]

Thanks for the kind comments.

@adamfarr
Personally, I don't mind long lyrics (two of my all-time favourite songs are 10 minutes and 24+ minutes long respectively). Since I'm primarily a lyricist that's what I concentrate on so my songs do tend to be, er rather "wordy".

There's also this weird little internal voice that abuses me something rotten with shame whenever I write "shorter-lyriced" songs. It feels like I'm taking shortcuts and cheating! 

I do write them occasionally though. I just don't post them here. As I don't really have the skill set to post anything people can (and would want to) listen to I tend to post songs that I think show off my linguistic talent. Think of them as more "album" songs than "radio" ones!

@Rightly
The song, as much as my part in it, is as far as it's likely to get - tune filed in my head, lyrics printed on the page. I could always knock up a very rough vocal track I suppose so you could hear how it sounds (after payday though when I can consume enough alcohol to lower the inhibitions and loosed the old vocal chords). I could also try to see if I could knock out some sort of accompanying track on synth or recorder. But it would be iPhone-recorder quality (or similar) only - if I could pull that off. I really wish I could play an instrument properly but I just don't have the patience to learn amongst other things...