[ScottLevi]

Hey y'all,

Thanks for all the good feedback and advice on "What Do You See", trying to keep trucking through thought I'd post again.

This one is quite different stylistically; trading the acoustic and harmonica for electrics and drums. Vocal worries less about melody and more on speed&rhythm. Would be interesting to hear opinions on this vs acoustic setup. Guitar breaks are still freestyle Comes in quite aggressive so be prepared.

Lyric was original intended to have more of a country story-telling vibe, but don't think there ended up being enough forward motion for that avenue. Supposed to hint at this riddle but not sure if is too diluted. Overall I think the lyric works and is a good platform to learn from in future ventures, but ultimately got a little lost?

Refuse to use pre-programmed tempo so likely still a few timing issues.

This is also the first real attempt posted here where I've played electric rhythm and lead, rather than a collaborator.


Marching Band

<sub>The time was late and the sky was black
I'd been to a friends was on the way back
Had a couple bubbles from stories gassed
And stumble on down into the underpass

The light manufactured struggled for life
In dim short bursts an' flashes of white
As I stepped forward, making my way
Thought if I was straigh; I may be afraid

Then a trail of water, lead my sight
So I lifted my head clocked a shape in the white
And a dark shilhoette with a rope 'round it's neck
Is curled up on the floor in a puddle of wet

I said hey there friend looking at your end
I've got nothing to give but an ear to lend
And he looked up sharp with empty eyes
And I knew right then I could empaphise

He said he used to see light, but all is dark
He said he used to have hope, before he tore it apart
He said he used to have respect - an honerable man
Now strangers spit down in disgust of what I am

He said god used to visit me, every other day
But I cut the tethers and he drifted away
I've put my hands together, tied to get him on the line
But he musta' changed his number - it's been a long time

So now I'm so alone, depressed and afraid
And nothing can undo the bed that I've made

Said he used to have friends - an occupied mind
But when you lose what you got - to get you're far behind
I thought I was too good, I thought I was too busy
But I was lyin' to myself when I look back think "who is he"

My time was my own, I didn't give due curtesy
And I see myself in those ignoring an' cursing me
So why'd I expect, or deserve a kind hand
When I myself would look down on a man...

WIth a rope around his neck and a story so bland
With regrets so loud sound like a marching band

So I nodded and smiled and joked of hindsight
Spoke of how life is avoiding blind-sides
Said pain is certiain but not the reaction
And you can't trip yourself for not keeping traction

Said I'm not one to give advice
As I know nothing of your stakes
It's up to you, to take a look
And make your mind what's real or fake

He told me not to worry
He's found a message from fate
'Coz ice may melt
But ropes may break</sub>

Thanks to anyone who has taken the time.

Regards,
Scott.

[pompeyjazz]

Scott, you're lyrics are absolutely top drawer. So well thought out, deep and dark, who could want more? I loved the repeating guitar riff and edgy feel to this. You have such a unique style that is never going to be mainstream and that's why I love your songs so much. It's slightly chaotic, anarchic,  good for you man as I sure enjoy listening to this rather than some overproduced piece of shite that you may happen to come across on the radio! Keep em coming man 

[PaulAds]

Visceral is a word I might have used before to describe your stuff, Scott...and this has plenty of that!

Marching band? Believe it or not...when I was 12...I had perhaps the most confusing experience of my life. I was playing in a brass band touring Austria and we played at a festival in a town called Villach...there was a parade through the town and I had to play three marches (two of which I'd never even heard before and had to sight-read) whilst marching (which I'd never done before) through the streets in 80 degree heat. What a fiasco that was. Someone took a photo which must still be around somewhere, and I was the only one out of step...and the look of confusion on my face was something to behold.

Anyway...lyrics are great here and tell a very dark story really well. Can't have been easy trying to keep that all together. Must've had good grip on his shoes 

Nice one!

[rightly]

Boundless energy n thought provoking lyrics delivered with that charming voice.
This is huge with some interesting touches here n there.
Still needs plenty work to tame it in places. It seems rushed.
Keep it up.

[adamfarr]

Very sensual (in the real meaning of the word)!

The guitar was a little loud over the vocal in places which I think takes something away. After about 1.10 the levels seem to settle down a bit.

When you have rhymes like you do "So I nodded and smiled and joked of hindsight / Spoke of how life is avoiding blind-sides" (what?! yes please!), I think I'd like to hear them just over a beat, at least for some of the time, to give them the spotlight, and bring in the instruments more sparingly.

But I know you have your own ways and won't be tamed. Good for you.

[mickyplankton]

Fair play Scott. constructing this short song must have taken a lot of time. Lyrics are great and so many of them. Curious how many takes it must have taken to get them laid down.  musically it's uncompromising which I personally admire but with this kind of rawness you are unlikely to feature on radio 1 anytime soon!  (a good thing)  perhaps you could up the vocals in the mix. I found it hard to discern all the lyrics. Otherwise great to hear a highly original song. Thanks

[redrhodie]

Is your goal to have the lyrics heard? I did have trouble hearing them, so they were almost completely lost on me. But it may not be the case with most of your audience. What I heard was a machine gun rhythm of words.

So then I read them, and wow, powerful, scary, and beautiful lyrics. I haven't had time to fully understand the story yet, but those were my initial thoughts. I don't know if it's a bad thing that I couldn't understand them sung, as they're right there to read. What do you think? And is that my problem, or yours, or no problem at all? Just something to think about as you consider how you want your audience to experience your songs.

Beautiful contrast between the singing and the music. It felt fresh.

[jacksimmons]

Hi Scott! It's been a while since I've listened to your stuff and it really sounds like your production has come on leaps and bounds so awesome work there. I really like hip-hopp-y drums on this and your vocal delivery is on-point. I have tried my hand at rapping ONCE and know how hard it is but you manage to get all those lyrics out and make it sound easy. And I really like your lyrics, too.

My main suggestion for improvement is your rhythm guitar - it goes in and out of time with the drums on an a number of occasions. If you laid that down to your sparse drum track it will have been really hard to keep in time. I would suggest laying down guide drums in your DAW first that are more robust. They will be easier to keep time to.

Your vocals could come up too. With all those lyrics they need to be front and centre and right now they are battling with the guitars.

Really cool and unique.

[MartynRich]

Well this is weird as shit! I love it on that basis only.

Chaos in a song is something I admire - the lyrics are top notch. I think you can keep it's frenzied nature and still tighten it up quite a bit without losing the feeling but those are production issues more than composing, something where we all have room for improvement.

It's a really good piece of work, well done.

[cowparsleyman]

@ScottLevi - Thanks for putting this up.

This is a bit like deja vu, I've done a few pieces like this and they never saw the light of day as I wasn't personally comfortable with them, it was that I had the idea and it had to be done.

I'm really torn by it....If I saw it live I'd hate it...I can't engage in it, for me it's like trying to hop on a bus that is moving too fast. But it does have something I really dig, raw, courage, chaos, who cares approach, so it's thumbs up and down from the CPM judge, sorry I can't be more helpful, as it's pretty free form it wouldn't be correct for me to add anything.

I once did an oil painting specifically to fool art critics, only I knew what the strange things in  the pictures meant, specifically I wanted that buffoon Brian Sewell and his ponsey voice to be completely put off the scent and this reminds me of that.

Talking nonsense I know but hey but don't I always.

Brave and Bold and unsure

Rich

[Cawproductions]

Hi Dude,

I am with Martin, Weird as shit but pushing the boundaries for sure.

The varying timing on this is a problem for my ears but hey, if thats the feel you were going for, then great.

Andy

[PaulyX]

Wow Scotty, that's one of the most arresting, original things I've heard for quite a while.  I immediately had to play it twice, just to try to get my head around it.  Last time I felt like that was probably hearing Bowie's "Blackstar" single for the first time.
I love it for that angle - while a lot of us pussyfoot around mimicking our heroes, you are straight in there creating your own genre.  I'm not sure what that genre is... avant-garde hip-hop?  Jazz grime? Art-rock poetry?  But it's something I've never heard before for sure.
I could not make out any of the words I'm afraid because of the speed of delivery, so like RedRhodie said if the message is important to you I'd make them more prominent.  But I still thought the vocal worked as a kind of sound effect - a stream of consciousness that bashed the listener round the head.  I like the really unusual chord structures too and the freeform nature of the solos, and the at times wobbly timing just added to the freshness of it.
Does it work overall?  Well I won't be whistling it in the shower but I'm sure as hell I won't forget it either.  I think it does work, although it stretches the boundaries of convention quite a lot... but that's got to be where the big steps forward happen, right?  Muchos respectos for cutting a track on the wild frontier.  Biggup.