konalavadome

the mark of Cain

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Rightly

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« on: February 07, 2019, 09:48:06 AM »
This one has been through a few twists n turns.
there were times i thought I'd never get it done.

I'm quite happy with it and I'll probably let it go now. Maybe.

again it's unusual from me


Feedback very welcome.
And advice too - can be really helpful.



The link:

https://soundcloud.com/rightly/the-mark-of-cain

the lyrics:

the mark of Cain
                                                                                           
           first man borne of earthly woman                                   
      wakeful n'fresh as the morning dew                                     
     the heavens fell he, was false as hell                           
 o'er which he was meant to rise and rule                             

 crouched was sin, waiting in desire for him                             
    only one shade darker than quicksand                       
         sunken in haste, so as to mask all trace                     
     blood of Abel crying out from the land                                       
                  rollin' n' rounded, runnin' in a cycle
               of blood and of grain
          never were we truly forgiven, only smitten with the
                the mark of Cain   
            Angry n' vain
           the mark of Cain
           
       expelled from all the glory of Eden                                     
    sent forth n' far from the grace of God                           
flesh o' his brother, fruits of th' field                                         
he built a city in the land of Nod                                                 

       industry of lust, engines of sin                                     
     we begin wi' all fair favor spent                                       
  sound n' fury, live n' love thy mis'ry                                     
daggers in the smiles of foe and of friend                                                 
            thus were laid the laws of human nature
          n' they don't change
the dye is cast from the first to the last
      with the mark
  the mark Cain
    angry n' vain
    the mark of Cain       

 rollin' n' rounded, runnin' in a cycle
               of blood and of grain
          never were we truly forgiven, only smitten with the
                the mark of Cain   
            Angry n' vain
           the mark of Cain
      bold and profane
         the mark of Cain

                the mark of Cain



______________________________


Rightly
« Last Edit: February 07, 2019, 09:51:30 AM by Rightly »
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

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Martinswede

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« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2019, 04:05:26 PM »
Hi!

If Nancy Sinatra had recorded the soundtrack to either 'The Hills Have eyes' or 'Repulsion' this song would have been the theme.
Great work!

Martin
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pompeyjazz

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« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2019, 05:19:32 PM »
Well, I always look forward to each @Rightly submission and yet again I'm not disappointed. This one for me has a real Jim Morrison vibe to it, with the vocals and the piano sound. Love the brass that you're dropping in. The lyrics are deep, dark and disturbing. You've pulled another cracker out of the bag man  :)

MichaelA

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« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2019, 07:13:17 PM »
Wow, what a deep Biblical themed poem/song, I see some have mentioned Nick Cave and Jim Morrison, and I can certainly see that. Very moody with an increasingly passionate and epic feel towards the end.

I liked how the title almost became a kind of chorus towards the end after those dense verses. All very anguished, yet suitably controlled, well just about controlled!  A nice edginess to it as well ;)

Really interesting, unlike anybody else that I know of!

Rightly

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« Reply #4 on: February 09, 2019, 11:44:57 AM »
Hi!

If Nancy Sinatra had recorded the soundtrack to either 'The Hills Have eyes' or 'Repulsion' this song would have been the theme.
Great work!

Martin

High praise indeed!
I don*t feel all that entitled, there*s always a significant degree of fluke when I finish something I*m happy with.
I*ll take a closer look at the things that have which I like but not at the expense of becoming predictable.

Do press on with whatever plans you might have with the lyrics. It*s when a song has an independent life.

All the best.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

PaulyX

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« Reply #5 on: February 09, 2019, 11:26:05 PM »
Yeah that was a cool listen, thanks. I also got hints of Nick Cave from it.
I loved the way the time signature was 4/4 but felt like something else... clever percussion.
A bit sinister, and 100% devoid of cliche, like all your stuff.
It's all too beautiful.

diademgrove

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« Reply #6 on: February 10, 2019, 09:32:49 AM »
Hi Rightly,

the mark of cain seems appropriate for a Sunday morning. My only suggestion would be to add an instrumental section, perhaps a weird avant-garde one.

Keith

kevysc

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« Reply #7 on: February 11, 2019, 09:00:55 AM »
Yes, Nick Cave, Nancy Sinatra, Jim Morrison and I will add Leonard Cohen and Patti Smith..... echoes of all of them, but still this is highly original ( as it most of your stuff!)

Atmospheric, evocative and almost mesmeric, nice job.

Kevin
 

crystalsuzy

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« Reply #8 on: February 11, 2019, 12:24:19 PM »
Very cool track @Rightly  8)  I get the Morison/Cohen vibe as well, but mostly Rightly :) Heavy lyrics and your voice really suits this well.
I really like the undertones of the low brass...I would like to have heard it break out into a little solo at some point but that's just me.  ???
It's an excellent song and well arranged  8)

ScottLevi

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« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2019, 12:46:52 PM »
Hey Rightly,

You know I'm familiar with this one, had a great time working on an earlier version with you and hope some inspiration from that may have helped with the final product xD

Really scared if being honest that your cubase treatment would rip the soul of these really powerful lyrics, but your vocal really shines through and sustains that emotion throughout - with some specifically nice bits like the melody over "expelled from all the glory of Eden".

You've been doing well picking up new tools, lots of lovely sounds floating around the ears and some really enjoyable drum sections. Would be interesting to hear a cubase song with a bit of acoustic guitar mixed in.

All the best,
Scott.

Rightly

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« Reply #10 on: February 14, 2019, 06:51:24 AM »
Hey Rightly,

You know I'm familiar with this one, had a great time working on an earlier version with you and hope some inspiration from that may have helped with the final product xD

Really scared if being honest that your cubase treatment would rip the soul of these really powerful lyrics, but your vocal really shines through and sustains that emotion throughout - with some specifically nice bits like the melody over "expelled from all the glory of Eden".

You've been doing well picking up new tools, lots of lovely sounds floating around the ears and some really enjoyable drum sections. Would be interesting to hear a cubase song with a bit of acoustic guitar mixed in.

All the best,
Scott.

Hi Scott.
I really enjoyed what you did with the lyrics that time.
This version is musically unrelated but what we did there kept the sing alive with me.

I do have another song in the same stage of development as Cain was back then.
I'll send them to you, maybe you can work your magic there too.
Using a drum machine as a metronome with super powers can free up an artist to concentrate on other parts of the song.

I also have a song with live electric guitar with vsts, I haven't recorded the vocals yet. I've already written it off as a weak song.
I rarely find the time to play guitar these days. 

Thanks for the encouraging words.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

mickyplankton

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« Reply #11 on: February 14, 2019, 08:04:26 AM »
Hey Rightly. I too am getting a big Nick Cave hit with this song. A very good thing. I do wonder if you could boost the vocal delivery in places. Perhaps a little more bombast all around would give the song a bit more heft. But I appreciate you may lose something along the way if you did that.

Rightly

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« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2019, 07:52:28 AM »
Hey Rightly. I too am getting a big Nick Cave hit with this song. A very good thing. I do wonder if you could boost the vocal delivery in places. Perhaps a little more bombast all around would give the song a bit more heft. But I appreciate you may lose something along the way if you did that.

Thanks for the feedback @mickyplankton   

Yes nick cave. There are some similarities.
Like me, he's very careful with words, more so than Bowie.
 I always thought Jim Morison was a terrible poet,
 I've often felt embarrassed, those few times I've met a fan of morisons scribblins. 

On the vocals I did do some boosting here n there. I know what you mean.
I won't go back to it, I'm learning with every recording (I think).

I used to think if I didn't have to play all the instruments I might sing like Terence Trent Darby or Freddie Mercury. With using a daw I'm more free, more free to discover new limitations. It's a new humbling experience. There must be a good metaphor for this, I haven't the time to find it right now. 
And to think I want to start making video documentaries! For crying out loud I'm almost 50 years old! Will I never learn?
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

Skub

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« Reply #13 on: February 16, 2019, 08:24:32 PM »
Hey Rightly.

This triggers childhood experiences. My family were strictly religious and still are,so I am more than familiar with Old Testament stories!

Perhaps we should have Rightly's version running alongside the King James!

I dig the song,lyrically outstanding as ever and musically imaginative and original.
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Rightly

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« Reply #14 on: February 18, 2019, 07:59:25 AM »
Hey Rightly.

This triggers childhood experiences. My family were strictly religious and still are,so I am more than familiar with Old Testament stories!

Perhaps we should have Rightly's version running alongside the King James!

I dig the song,lyrically outstanding as ever and musically imaginative and original.

I hope these recalled memories aren't too unpleasant.
After writing this I put it on the shelf suddenly, n for some reason, believing Able was the first born. I thought I'd really messed up.

My upbringing was less religious doctrine  and more neglect.
I've three brothers n we shared a small room with two sets of bunk beds. 
There was no retreat, n no cavalry, it must have been stressful but at the time I didn't know it any other way.
Glad you like it.
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/rightly