[Killjoy]

Hey everyone, I am in the process of recording a number of songs that I have developed and would really appreciate some feedback. I haven't been playing piano or writing for very long (About a year) and so I don't have much technical knowledge etc. I am happy with what I have created but hope to receive a few tips on how to improve.

I haven't decided completely on a name for this song yet, but have labeled it 'A friend'. I leave the meaning open for interpretation, as to who the friend is. Personally, I wrote it as a song to an addict, or abuser of a drug/drink. I know people who turn to marijuana as their escape from the stresses of life and they don't know how to live without it, and the song is almost like, a serenade from the drug to the user. But it could also work in other ways. Thanks in advance

I know you think it's true
That the world is giving up on you
and I know you think it's real
all the pain and misery you feel

But don't be afraid
because you'll always find a friend in me
and I'll pick you up off the ground
I'll lift you up when you're down
I'll make you smile when you're feeling low
and the world outside doesn't want to know
I'll lift you up when you're down

I know you need a hand
when you're sinking into the sand
and I know you need a friend
who will stand by you until the end

But don't be afraid
because you'll always find a friend in me
and I'll pick you up off the ground
I'll lift you up when you're down
I'll make you smile when you're feeling low
and the world outside doesn't want to know
I'll lift you up when you're down

[Jack_Diamond.]

Im my opinion this is the strongest of the two i commented on. My comment about the musical content not matching the lyrics doesn't apply to this track, they do here.
The idea behind the lyrics (serenade from drug to user) is quite an interesting idea and i think there's definitely something good that could be done with that idea. But without you mentioning that in the post i never would have got that from the song. Its would be difficult to do but maybe if you left some clues in the lyrics for listeners to pick up on the song would be taken to the next level.

A song to have a look at in regards to this concept would be this one.

A lot of fans believed this song to be a love song about heroin disguised as just a normal love song. ("there she goes again, Pulsing through my veins")

[rightly]

This song is enjoyable as it is   
Some really nice changes there that didn't see coming.

It could be developed
If this is one of your early Songs, it sounds very impressive. 
Thanks for sharing.

[mikek]

despite what i consider to be a very naive commentary on marijuana in your description of the song, i like the song itself. if you've only been writing and playing for 1 year, you progressed quickly, and have a natural knack for this type of thing.  my natural ability is in writing songs, 1 vocal, 1 guitar... but not in production of them... that's generally where things go south and badly for me... so i'll leave that to others.  based on what i do know, i'd say this is a solid piece of work.

[PaulyX]

Hi, welcome.  Impressive track.  Especially so if you have only recently started playing.
You've got a great voice.
I liked the track too, although I agree with Jack that it would be good to have a few more clues in the lyrics... something a little sinister or unusual to hint that this is not just a straight love song.  (The lyrics are fine but have probably been used a lot before if it is taken as a straight love song... why not drop in something to intrigue the listener).
Nice chords and structure though, it sounded pretty complete already with just voice and piano.

[pompeyjazz]

A fine piece of work. Well structured and performed and well done for having the balls to perform it. As you're relatively new to this kind of stuff, have you considered looking at recording via a daw ? You will be able to improve the sound quality quite a bit plus there's lots of people on the forum who can help you. Well done

[MartynRich]

A fine contemporary song, and stripped raw just as I like it. It has a good progression and melody and you deliver it very nicely. The only line I think could be melodically a bit stronger is the "you'll have a friend in me"...it feels a little like you weren't sure what to do with that one.

It's a great first effort though, especially if you're fairly new to playing and songwriting. Look forward to hearing more and as for the comments about the subject matter, you write what you want to write about. I'd just leave the interpretation to the listeners.

[macker71165]

I enjoyed that bud!   You certainly have a knack for songwriting   more please..tony

[Killjoy]

Im my opinion this is the strongest of the two i commented on. My comment about the musical content not matching the lyrics doesn't apply to this track, they do here.
The idea behind the lyrics (serenade from drug to user) is quite an interesting idea and i think there's definitely something good that could be done with that idea. But without you mentioning that in the post i never would have got that from the song. Its would be difficult to do but maybe if you left some clues in the lyrics for listeners to pick up on the song would be taken to the next level.

A song to have a look at in regards to this concept would be this one.

A lot of fans believed this song to be a love song about heroin disguised as just a normal love song. ("there she goes again, Pulsing through my veins")

Thanks for the feedback man. Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned the 'drug' concept as I guess a songs meaning is subjective, but it's just the way I see it. I'm not narrowing down to a drug particularly, more the broader issue of addiction and vices, whether it be a drug, booze, even a person...just something or someone that can be retreated to when the going gets tough and provide them with bliss.

[Killjoy]

I enjoyed that bud!   You certainly have a knack for songwriting   more please..tony

Thanks Tony, glad you enjoyed it. I have a bunch of songs that I intend to upload to my channel. Check out my other song 'Fade' if you fancy a listen, and any feedback would be appreciated.

[jacksimmons]

This is a good song and if it's one of your first then, like others have said, you definitely have a knack.

Structurally, I really love the melody for the lines: "But don't be afraid / because you'll always find a friend in me" and if it were my chorus I would repeat this melody up until the last two notes (the "in me"), so meldoy-wise it would be "But don't be afraid/ because you'll always find a friend/ Don't be afraid because you'll always find a friend in me." I think it's a much stronger melody than the lines that follow and could do with repeating.

I like the lyrics but agree there are no clues about the drug theme. It just reads like a good old fashioned love song. There is nothing wrong with that, and there's nothing wrong with having your own back story to a song that is not readily apparent in the lyrics, but if you did want the theme to me more obvious then it's worth revisiting the lyrics.

Good work! If you haven't, I would definitely recommend looking in to DAWs so you can start recording your songs more formally. They are worth capturing properly

[Killjoy]

A fine piece of work. Well structured and performed and well done for having the balls to perform it. As you're relatively new to this kind of stuff, have you considered looking at recording via a daw ? You will be able to improve the sound quality quite a bit plus there's lots of people on the forum who can help you. Well done

What is a daw exactly? I don't know the first thing about recording properly and have only been recording through my phone so it might be a big jump to learn all the technical side lol. But hey, if you could give me a pointer to any useful info then it would be much appreciated. Thanks.