@redrhodie ... I have a rant building, but I'll try to stifle it a little bit. I'm developing ideas about how things should be. Like, people are always admonishing me to make sure I "take care of yourself!" But they have no advice for how to do that. Facts of the situation: the guy who had the stroke needs to be fed, bathed, put to bed, gotten up, dressed, undressed, put in the car (which involves disassembling and reassembling and lifting a wheelchair in and out--sometimes multiple times a day), and reassured that he's not "more trouble than I'm worth".
Now, I'm happy to do all those things, but I can't keep going to bed later and getting up too early, and doing everything all day every day with no breaks. Six hours twice a week isn't much for breaks, as I am on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Except for those 6 hours twice a week.
Anyway, if I want to do anything that doesn't happen in those two six-hour windows, I have to ask for help. Asking for help is not a comfortable activity, so I mostly don't do it. What we need is an organization, some kind of social structure, that operates as a clearinghouse, or whatever it should be called. Some method I could use to indicate what I need where someone would see it and offer to help. Like, I want to go to a gathering of musicians on June 15, but I can't leave Roger by himself while I'm gone. So I post (if it's online) when I need help and what kind, and someone who is available responds.
Okay, enough of that. Overall things are going pretty fair. It's tough, but we keep going. He has recently started spontaneously trying to do more things on his own. And he asked the physical therapist about mowing grass and got clearance to try it on a riding lawn mower, as long as he stays on flat ground and goes slow.
As far as being okay, we have some days that are better than others, but we get through them. I'm trying hard to get back into more musical activities, which is, I think, somewhat successful and certainly helps my mood. An old college buddy I used to sing and play with has reappeared and wants to get together as much as possible to sing and play. We've already played for people twice the past couple weeks. He's coming for a serious rehearsal next week. He lives an hour away, so we can't get together very frequently. For Roger, if he can mow grass successfully, he'll feel better about himself, I think, as right now he tends to feel a lot like a waste of space because he can't do anything productive.
A woman, in the area here where we are living temporarily, asked me to join her for a gig she had (which was last night and was a lot of fun). It's an annual event and the person who usually plays with her was out of town, so I was the lucky substitute. That was even a paying gig. She took the bull by the horns and found someone to visit with Roger for the duration, so that was quite nice.
Roger continues to make progress with his therapy. And because of all the heavy lifting, pushing, pulling, etc, I have to do repeatedly, I've started working out while he's at therapy. I like being with him at therapy because then I know what he should be doing between sessions, but I'll have to let him take charge of that himself because I need the workouts.
It helps that we've gotten more or less settled into the apartment where we're staying for now and have developed some routines for getting things done.
So, that all probably much more than answers your question....hope I didn't overwhelm you. And thanks for asking! It helps me feel like I'm still part of the population of earth.
Vicki