konalavadome

What a feeling

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RAVANPREET KAUR

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« on: January 16, 2019, 03:25:36 PM »
Please give me reviews about this song.

What a feeling

I know the feeling....
When you're looking at the ceiling..
So confused about how you would be dealing...

Stepping out of your comfort zone
Into a world that's not at all known
If you feel that you're all alone
Just take time to remember the place where, you were grown....

How you ate chips during the classes..
How you threw papers on your classmates..
How you motivated your teammates...
How you sat on the grasses...

Look at the star... It will lead you....
If you fall down... We'll help you...
If you get hate... Don't stop
Cause...they are jealous of you...

Stepping out of your comfort zone
Into a world that's not at all known
If you feel that you're all alone
Just take time to remember the place where, you were grown....
Take time... Oh...
Remember the place where you were grown.....

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #1 on: January 17, 2019, 05:19:23 AM »
I read this through, and didn't like that all the lines in a stanza ended in perfect rhymes. 

BUT.... then I sang it, and that actually works fine.  So no nits there. 

I do think you need to format this a little differently, and pick (and label)  a definite set of verses, chorus, and bridge.  I have some ideas about how to format this.  Here (below) is what I'd do with this lyric if I were recording it. 

VERSE: 
Stepping out of your comfort zone
Into a world that's not at all known
If you feel that you're all alone
Just take time to remember the place where, you were grown....

CHORUS: 
I know the feeling....
When you're looking at the ceiling..
So confused about how you would be dealing...

How you ate chips during the classes..
How you threw papers on your classmates..
How you motivated your teammates...
How you sat on the grasses...

I know the feeling....
When you're looking at the ceiling..
So confused about how you would be dealing...


BRIDGE: 
Look at the star... It will lead you....
If you fall down... We'll help you...
If you get hate... Don't stop
Cause...they are jealous of you...

VERSE: 
Stepping out of your comfort zone
Into a world that's not at all known
If you feel that you're all alone
Just take time to remember the place where, you were grown....
Take time... Oh...
Remember the place where you were grown.....

« Last Edit: January 17, 2019, 05:21:46 AM by hardtwistmusic »
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Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.