konalavadome

New Lyric -- "The likes of us'

  • 7 Replies
  • 127 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

hardtwistmusic

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2864
  • Central Oregon Sunset
« on: January 06, 2019, 12:01:15 AM »
Amidst all the “anti immigration” hysteria in the United States, the forgotten story is the “permanent underclass” status of the only actual “non-immigrants” IN the United States.  Just thought I’d try to tell that story one more time. 

“THE LIKES OF US”

A universe of Anywhere in time and space, but still Is there no place for the likes of us? 
Hard luck comes hard to the likes of us follows faith and trust.  --  Heritage and history – trampled into dust.

Pre - Chorus: 
Dispossessed by the cannon and the gun,
Cause there’s not room for everyone. 
No room for the likes of us.  –   No room for the likes of us.

Chorus: 
Swindled and dis-inherited  –  Displaced and kicked aside. 
A bitter past repeats itself  –  in all the same damned lies. 

Out there in the darkest night, is there no light for the likes of us? 
I guess that’s just the way it goes.  No one cares, and no one really cares to know. 

Pre - Chorus: 
Dispossessed by the cannon and the gun.  Too little room for everyone. 
No room for the likes of us.    –   No room for the likes of us.

Chorus: 
Swindled and dis-inherited  –  Displaced and kicked aside. 
History repeats itself  –  in new updated lies. 


Bridge to out: 
Never any room for the likes of us. 
No room for the likes of us.
No room for the likes of us. 
Never any room for the likes of us. 

« Last Edit: January 16, 2019, 03:08:19 AM by hardtwistmusic »
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

hardtwistmusic

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2864
  • Central Oregon Sunset
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2019, 01:25:55 PM »
Just a bump. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Neil C

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2019, 12:19:11 PM »
Hey,
I think this is great Vernon. It paints a picture perfectly and the prechorus is as strong as the chorus.
Great write. Have you a tune to go with it?
 :)
neil 
songwriter of no repute..

hardtwistmusic

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2864
  • Central Oregon Sunset
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2019, 02:20:49 AM »
I do have music and a vocal melody for it, but I'm not entirely happy with it.  I've received some well meaning, and probably appropriate criticism of the instrumental that I'll want to confirm with others. 

I'll post the entire song to the "works in progress" section in a day or two. 

But remember, I'm not married to the music.  I'm certain it could be replaced or improved. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

Neil C

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 3462
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2019, 10:45:24 AM »
Cool,
one further thought on the verse 1 would be to alter the repeating likes of us which are next to each other.

Anywhere in time and space, but still Is there no place for the likes of us? 
Luck comes hard to you and me.  Heritage and history – trampled into dust.

Good luck with it
 :)
neil
songwriter of no repute..

hardtwistmusic

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2864
  • Central Oregon Sunset
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2019, 10:47:01 PM »
Cool,
one further thought on the verse 1 would be to alter the repeating likes of us which are next to each other.

Anywhere in time and space, but still Is there no place for the likes of us? 
Luck comes hard to you and me.  Heritage and history – trampled into dust.

Good luck with it
 :)
neil

I went with "Hard luck follows faith and trust.  Heritage and history  --  trampled into dust." 

Thanks for alerting me to the need for a better line.
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

CaliaMoko

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2563
  • Do It Yourself!
    • Late Bloomers Rock
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2019, 08:11:19 PM »
Hi Verlon!

I have a couple thoughts. Just variations, not necessarily better....

"Dispossessed by the cannon and the gun": feels possibly a little wordy and I wonder if it needs "the" at all? Or maybe just the second "the"? Of course, that would change the rhythm.

"trampled into dust": Not sure. It might be stronger is you said "stomped into dust", but I do like "trampled". Just offering an possible alternative, not really recommending it.

" in all the same damned lies" When I try this out loud, it doesn't flow. It's almost like a tongue twister, so I would expect it to be difficult to sing. But it could just be me and my tongue? "In all the same old lies" would also work and flows easily from my tongue. I realize it doesn't have the same impact, though.

That's all from me.

hardtwistmusic

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2864
  • Central Oregon Sunset
« Reply #7 on: January 17, 2019, 05:08:52 AM »
Hi Vicky:   I can see how they would read funny. . . but the music was written first, and the lyrics fitted to the existing music.  Of course, no single syllable is "necessary" for flow (any syllable can be silent - sometimes to great effect.)  The things you mentioned seemed to flow and follow better as written. 

Good to hear from you again. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.