Hopes and fears

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Wicked Deeds

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« on: January 04, 2019, 01:38:31 PM »
Determined to make a departure from of some of my recent deeply sad and personal work, I came up with this.  It will be given the full band treatment soon.

Hopes and fears

Here she comes with her Mona-Lisa smile.
She's the one one I choose to complicate my lifestyle.
Here she comes with her beautiful brown hair.
It's late, I'm tired yet she's focused on her skin-care.

I'm in love with her velvet skin, her eyes of sin.
Undressed, 'neath the chandelier,
our hopes and fears are found.

Here she comes with her Bridget Bardot charm.
I might as well report her to The Gendarme.
Casually, her clothes fall from her frame
It's late, I'm tired, yet I'm waiting for the end-game.

I'm in love with her velvet skin, her eyes of sin.
Undressed, 'neath the chandelier,
our hopes and fears are found,
our hopes and fears are found.

Her sultry eyes have woken my sleepy head.
I bide my time then I say "Hey hun, come to bed."
I wait for her to say "love me do, the way that I love you too."

I'm in love with her velvet skin, her eyes of sin.
Undressed, 'neath the chandelier,
our hopes and fears are found,
our hopes and fears are found,
Our hopes and fears are found.

Wicked Deeds January 2019
 

« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 11:01:24 PM by Wicked Deeds »
" We're learning to Quickstep.  You're dancing with me"

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Orange Mississippi

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« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2019, 02:10:19 PM »
Hi good lyrics I’m not sure I like ‘neath’ it doesn’t fit with me but thats just me - I prefer beneath
I hope you don’t mind just offering my constructive criticism - I’d probably leave out brown and just say beautiful hair , although I know you are trying to tell a story .
Look forward to hearing the finished version

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2019, 10:57:04 PM »
@Orange Mississippi , thanks for reading the lyrics. I don't mind at all that you've shared your ideas/preferences.

I posted these lyrics because, I'm busy writing a new collection of songs that hopefully stand up without the elaborate productions that are often associated with my work. it's quite liberating for a songwriter to focus on the skill that he/she learned first, many years ago. Who knows, I might even decide to put a live set together.

Paul
« Last Edit: January 05, 2019, 10:58:54 PM by Wicked Deeds »
" We're learning to Quickstep.  You're dancing with me"

http://cdbaby.com/cd/paulvasey

https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1

adamfarr

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« Reply #3 on: January 07, 2019, 06:26:31 PM »
Hi Paul - these are a bit different - really fun and witty.

The verses really get the story over brilliantly.

I think the chorus has potential to add more to the story - I wonder if you could do something with "her hopes, my fears" - to continue the theme of how different the characters are? I can't quite put it into words, but I think her hopes and his fears coming out under the light of the chandelier when they are both undressed is quite a powerful image.

Some small points: I think "velvet skin" sounds a bit overused (and the first skin comes really soon after skin-care which makes it lose something). Syllables permitting I'd also go with *below* the chandelier...

Anyhow, look forward to hearing it in whatever guise it emerges!

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #4 on: January 07, 2019, 08:53:16 PM »
@adamfarr,

Hey Adam,

Thanks for your detailed comments/observations. I don't mind the velvet skin line bit I could find another adjective and might do so. I had also observed the closeness of the velvet skin/skincare lyrics and wondered if I had introduced them too closely together.  Some great suggestions here my friend that perhaps I will explore. 

I'm quite excited about this song Adam. 'Hopes  and fears' and 'We lit the fuse' are two recent songs that I'm quite proud of.  They are a departure from my recent presentations.

I've started to rehearse a live set and may present them in a live video on the forum. I think it would be great to have a regular live  performance every 2-4 weeks for those wishing to do so. 

Back to the song,  I'm really buzzing about it.  I'm starting to find my spark again.

Thanks Adam

Paul
" We're learning to Quickstep.  You're dancing with me"

http://cdbaby.com/cd/paulvasey

https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2019, 10:28:50 AM »
@adamfarr

https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/hopes-and-fears

A sneak preview of a work in progress for you.

Paul
" We're learning to Quickstep.  You're dancing with me"

http://cdbaby.com/cd/paulvasey

https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1

Dogmax

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« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2019, 11:05:39 PM »
Hey man lyric lines don't actually end in a sound flow on written words, sound reading on your flow sounds like ending on a simple guitar flow, you know what i mean  8)

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #7 on: February 09, 2019, 07:21:36 PM »
Hey man lyric lines don't actually end in a sound flow on written words, sound reading on your flow sounds like ending on a simple guitar flow, you know what i mean  8)

I have no idea what a "sound flow" is.  It woks for me 100%

https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1/hopes-and-fears
" We're learning to Quickstep.  You're dancing with me"

http://cdbaby.com/cd/paulvasey

https://soundcloud.com/pvasey1

Dogmax

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« Reply #8 on: February 09, 2019, 10:14:09 PM »
Sound flow is without all the gadgets but it work for you and thats the main thing, i like it  8)