Just Enough (work in progress)

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RealKevM

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« on: December 23, 2018, 09:58:36 PM »
Hi guys, seasons greetings :)
Here's one of the first songs I ever wrote a long long time ago and i gave it an airing this morning. Please let me know what you think, any changes lyrically I should make?

Here I am just tryin to say
Everything that's come my way
Here I am just tryin to do
Everything away from you
But God only knows how long i've been waiting
For you to set me free
And God only knows how long i've been waiting for you to say to me

Chorus
I can fly with these broken wings
I can touch my shattered dreams
I can climb high above
Whatever I do it's Just Enough


diademgrove

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« Reply #1 on: December 30, 2018, 09:35:06 AM »
You have all the building blocks for a very good song, although I think they might sound better if re-arranged. The strongest part of the song for me is the pre-chorus "But God only knows etc". For me that section sounds like a chorus. When your chorus comes in its a bit of an anti-climax, especially after the build up of the pre-chorus. I'd consider switching the pre- with the chorus. Maybe changing the lyrics slightly to reflect it new position in the song. For example

I try to fly...
I try to touch...
I try to climb...
Whatever I do is not enough

followed by

But God only knows...

I prefer the way you switched the lines ending say to me/set me free in the video. They work better that way, at least for me.

I think you need a second verse to take the story on. Repeating the first verse meant I just listened to the music and not the words.

I like the guitar playing in the verse and the way it contrasts with the pre- and the chorus.

Feel free to ignore anything I suggest which you disagree with.

I'll look out for more of your songs in the future. Its a very good song, especially as its one of your first.

Keith



RealKevM

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« Reply #2 on: December 31, 2018, 04:08:37 PM »
Cheers Keith, thanks for checking it out. The chorus has always felt a bit like it doesn't sit right with me too, like it' a part of a different song if that makes sense? I always have it in my mind it would sound better if/when recorded with a full band, I don't know. I'm going to have a play about with the great suggestions you made, thank you :)

Tinitus95

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« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2019, 12:32:02 PM »
good energy but I think your singing would improve alot if you learn more about breathing and where to place your vauls.

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2019, 02:39:52 AM »
Excellent lyric.  I concluded that before listening. 

The listen confirmed it. 

The advice about breathing and singing is probably good advice, but my only critique is regarding the songwriting.  I felt it was (as most or all of yours are) a real good song.
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

RealKevM

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« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2019, 02:19:16 PM »
Thanks guys, the singing is what I struggle with, though my voice has improved this past year. I'm going to really concentrate on improving my technique. Really appreciate the kind words @hardtwistmusic