Sunrise - Solaris.Musac (Demo) work in progress feedback

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Solaris.Musac

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« on: December 04, 2018, 07:49:00 PM »
Hey y'all,

New to the group, looking for some feedback on a track i'm working on. Specifically the arrangement, and the production, but any feedback / suggestions are alsways highly appreciated. The mix is still rough, but is getting there.

The song is about loosing everything you thought mattered to you, finding your true self in the process.

Thanks again,

https://soundcloud.com/solaris-musac/sunrise-full-demo/s-NFny5


FORM: Intro -> Verse 1 -> Chorus -> Middle -> Verse 2 -> Chorus x2 -> B-section - Chorus x2 -> B-section(1/2) - Chorus/Outro(fadeout)

 
LYRICS:

[Verse1]
I feel my heart beating
Soul overheating
I feel alone
But it's alright
I hear my love leaving'
Still my hearts beating
I was always on my own

[Chorus]
When i feel it
I can see it
I am painting
my own sunrise

[Verse 2]
Awake i feel breathing
I hear my love weeping
She is always by my side
But i am  no comfort
cause in my heart I've left her
though she is always, always
on my mind

[Chorus]
When i feel it
I can see it
I am painting
my own sunrise
When i feel it
I can see it
I am facing
my own demise

« Last Edit: December 04, 2018, 07:50:40 PM by Solaris.Musac »

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #1 on: December 04, 2018, 09:54:53 PM »
Hi Solaris and welcome to the forum. You certainly know your production chops for sure and it seems like it's coming together really well. I got a sort of Dave Gahan feel to the vocals and the synth arangements which worked really well and personally I would want to peruse that dark feeling that the chords dictated. My other comment would be to enhance the final chorus with an obtuse guitar solo or some licks. The only other thing is song length and I have no problems with a song being 5 minutes in fact it's quite ok to do that on the right song but others may persuade you to cut a bit out. I hope you find the feedback useful and if you give feedback on other songs you'll get a lot out of this forum. Nice one  :)

Solaris.Musac

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« Reply #2 on: December 04, 2018, 10:23:06 PM »
@pompeyjazz Cheers for the feedback, I definitely agree with you on the song length, it could very easily get a bit self indulgent at the end. :D I was kinda already contemplating just fading out on the first double chorus and stick to the classic pop formula or maybe halfway through the second b-section after the double chorus at the end. That would also land the song at around 3m30sec. Perfect radio length. I'll also have a look at those obtuse guitar solos / licks you mentioned. I was afraid to overcrowd the song, but if I clear some space I should be able to fit 'em in, and give the song some spice at the end. Leave the crowd amazed and wanting more ;D

Thanks again! Looking forward to my time here.

Mikey

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« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2018, 10:36:50 PM »
I really like this track, it has a nice eighties vibe with the synths, i agree with pompey, it could do with some guitar towards the end, I also think the energy needs to jump right up in the choruses and the outro to give more variety, that said, the lyrics and vocal are really good, and the song has a lot of potential.

Cheers, Mikey

allhurtanimals

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« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2018, 05:01:50 AM »
I agree with everyone else some guitar licks on chorus would really build it up. Also I don't know why the second time the chorus appears I would be really tempted to add some syncopated, loud snare drum and turn up the vocals to distinguish it sonically from the verse. But then again I always tend to gravitate towards rock sounding arrangements.

Great '80s vibe though, really dig it. In a completely unironic way, throw some sweet arp sounds here and there, and this could easily be an ending song for a cop buddy movie :)

Solaris.Musac

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« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2018, 09:40:56 AM »
@Mikey Thanks for the feedback. I agree with you on the energy on the chorus should stand out more. I'll separate the verse and chorus a bit more sonically. I've already got alot of things going on in the chorus, maybe i could scale down the verse so the Chorus sounds bigger by comparison.

@allhurtanimals hey dude, thanks for the feedback, good idea with the arp to add some sprinkles on the track, and those sync snare hits would really be leaning into the 80's vibe, which now I'm thinking about it, I'm all for. I'll test that out.

allhurtanimals

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« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2018, 03:53:43 PM »
Post an update here if you do that, I am really interested :)

Jenna

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« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2018, 08:09:13 AM »
I'm in awe. Incredible. It gave me chills. Love the lyrics and how the story unfolds. You've done a fantastic job underscoring the storyline vocally and musically. Agree with the other points mentioned above. Adding some soaring guitar solos near the end would really send it skyward. Can't wait to hear the finished version.