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My narcotics (demo) - feedback required

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allhurtanimals

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« on: November 16, 2018, 06:19:17 AM »
Hi there. I came back to songwriting after a long hiatus. I know the performance and recording is demo-quality at best, but I need some feedback as to the song structure and lyrics. I am mostly ok with verses, but the chorus is giving me problems, and I really don't know why. Is it too jarring compared to the verse? Should I repeat it more? Should there be more lyrics in it, instead of repetition? What do you guys think.

https://soundcloud.com/hurtanimals/my-narcotics

My Narcotics

Ever since I let you go,
Ever since I said: no more! no more!
Oh it's fine, and I'm clean, and that is all

If I wanna kiss someone I kiss someone who's not neurotic
If I wanna be drugged, I'll stick to my narcotics!
But fuck all that if you call me back

Until I owned my voice,
Until I said: so long, so long
You've been humming, you've been hawing
Ever since I let you go,
Ever since I said: no more! no more!
Oh I'm fine, and I'm cool, and that is all

If I wanna kiss someone I kiss someone who's not neurotic
If I wanna be drugged, I'll stick to my narcotics!

Baby, is it too serious now? Baby do I seem fucking crass?
Maybe because, oh, maybe, maybe because I am

SlavaB

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« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2018, 01:39:23 PM »
Hi there,

Great idea, as you asking for a feedback I would love to reduce the volume of those digital drums cymbals as they are I believe way too loud. Also bring guitar riff a little bit further . Overall I a good idea for a song with a nice variation.

alcapone_dudu

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« Reply #2 on: November 16, 2018, 03:07:55 PM »
I really liked the song. Especially the chorus. If I were you I would focus more on that. The song goes into a really good vibe when it hits the chorus but lasts too little in my opinion. Great job though.

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #3 on: November 17, 2018, 09:22:43 AM »
Hmmm, some great ideas, great voice, I think the trumpet sample is a little over used.

I'm ok with the song as a whole, the chorus is fine. I'm just not used to the way it's arhythmic, inasmuch that the rhythm of the chorus lulls me into a sense of the song is getting going and I can 'key' my ears to the rails of a beat, then it wanders off into the rough, and my mind can't keep with it...Sorry


I know it's a fine piece of work, but I cannot really advise on a genre I know nothing about.

Good luck with it.

cpm

RealKevM

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« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2018, 04:25:52 PM »
Really good vocals. Lose the trumpets. Chorus is decent mate just it's a total change from the verse I guess.

mahircankucuk

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« Reply #5 on: November 19, 2018, 01:57:49 PM »
Hifi production here!
Great quality man!
Personal opinion is only a little lowpass filter on some stuff that could use a little softer treble ranges, and also feel free to support with a bass instrument lightly.

Keep up the great work!

Jenna

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« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2018, 09:13:33 PM »
The dystopic feel of the track fits the topic. I felt the beginning was a little lopsided to the left, and maybe that was intended to highlight the sense of instability of the speaker, but there are enough other elements for that effect. It would have hit my ears better starting out with a more balanced sound presentation.

mikek

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« Reply #7 on: November 21, 2018, 01:42:54 AM »
I find this music strange, unusual, and not in a bad way. What do you consider the genre? The horn part is like injections of free jazz into a crooner chill beat.. I would love to see this live at a dark speakeasy (corrected) with a real trumpeter.
« Last Edit: November 22, 2018, 11:18:36 AM by mikek »

allhurtanimals

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« Reply #8 on: November 22, 2018, 10:05:07 AM »
I find this music strange, unusual, and not in a bad way. What do you consider the genre? The horn part is like injections of free jazz into a crooner chill beat.. I would love to see this live at a dark speakers, with a real trumpeter.

Well you put it in word better than I could. That's exactly what kind of music I would like to do: crooner chill beat with injections of free jazz, indie and folk ;)

Thanks for your feedback.

Cawproductions

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« Reply #9 on: November 24, 2018, 11:19:51 AM »
Dude,

Ok heres my penneth worth....and its only IMHO..feel free to tell me to do one.

The Chorus Guitars are the star here, drop those electronics drums and get a kit in there...
Your Vocal kicks ass, really rocking, Like it.
For me it feels like two different tracks, each would be good on there own.

But If thats your feel mate, Then go for it.

Sounds good here just the levels are a bit wayward.

Great work