Man in the Restaurant

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Bill Saunders

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« on: October 22, 2018, 03:45:46 PM »
My wife and I were on holiday recently and about to eat in a local restaurant. A man came in alone and took a table – the world is not really geared up for single diners. Although the man behaved impeccably, and he just sat quietly waiting for his food, it was obvious that there was something very wrong. I wasn’t staring (honest!) but eventually he stormed out of the restaurant before his food arrived.

I began to speculate, but of course, we’ll never know. I really hope the poor man is OK now.

Any feedback is much appreciated – my first new song for many months. Thank you.

https://soundcloud.com/bill-saunders/man-in-the-restaurant

     
He’s stone cold sober, he walks in quite alone
Diners raise their gazes, his head tilts to check his phone
Takes a table in the corner, pulls his chair in tight   
He catches no one’s eyes stares out the window into the black of night
       
The man in the restaurant, his story may never be told
The man in the restaurant, someone ran off with his soul
Behind his fixed smile he looks like he’s dying inside
He fights off the memories, pretending he’s nothing to hide                 

A foreign waitress politely asks “Sir, will you be dining tonight”?     
He orders from the a la carte and a single glass of white wine         
He’s still, he waits and a circle of tension weaves around his table   
Inside his head’s exploding with his thoughts, he’d run if he felt able

Without warning he jumps to his feet, storms past discerning diners
Demands to see the maitre d’, though the food could not be finer
Arms are raised in front of blood shot face “Sir, are you alright”?                                                         
With that he turns upon his heal, flings the door open wide, out into the night

« Last Edit: November 08, 2018, 01:19:07 PM by Bill Saunders »

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2018, 05:33:23 PM »
Great inspiration Bill. I wonder what the story really was ? This is a very well put together piece. There's a lot of changes going on. I love the breakdown into the piano solo / vocal part. The chorus is really catchy and your production skills have come on in leaps and bounds, they really have. Don't know if the fade out suited but apart from that no nits from me  :)

Wicked Deeds

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« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2018, 06:04:46 PM »
Hello Bill,

Quite a blend of wistful acoustic pop and musical theatre. I love the acoustic treatment but think that the piano is too dominant. The title is fantastic and invites us to write our own story. overall, a really enjoyable composition. I can't help but wonder about the direction that this would take if I was at the production helm but unfortunately, time doesn't allow for that. Really enjoyable!

Paul

MichaelA

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« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2018, 06:28:49 PM »
The harmonies and vocal style remind me of British pop in the Sixties/seventies at times, e.g. The Hollies. Elsewhere it sounds like a song from a musical. Interesting mix, and yes an enjoyable concoction.

The best thing about it is the mystery behind the tale, which definitely teases the old curiosity. I want a follow up song now, ha!  :)

Nice listen, thanks.
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redrhodie

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« Reply #4 on: October 27, 2018, 11:39:46 PM »
Excellent performance. Theatrical, but not like show tune. Kind of glam feeling. I like your singing and the piano.

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2018, 09:20:03 AM »
Whato Bill

Nice song, and a great perceptive story.

@MichaelA - I agree the choruses sound just like the Hollie/Kinks, lovely to hear..I agree the piano is a little distracting, even though it's well played, just bring it down a little, or...simplifying the piano, and putting some simple string pad/chords in, which will take away the spikes, if you get my drift.

I find the passion of vocal delivery of the middle 8 really interesting.

a nice listen

hope this helps

Rich

Morefrog Jones

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« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2018, 08:05:31 PM »
Did not like the start (repeating first four lines) but persevered with it and it turned out to be a good story telling tune with an engaging tale that left you wanting to know what was going to happen - Reminded of those 70's style songs in the Harry Chappin mould - which i guess was what you were going for and it ended up as a decent song...but had i heard those first four lines on the radio - I would switched stations quicker than you can say Man in the restaurant ;D

moraamarolaloba

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« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2018, 09:02:01 PM »
Love the story. I have seen many men like that in restaurants of many types!
I think there is a very curious fusion of styles in your song...
The slow part that gives entrance to the piano has given a great turn to the song.
The  I love lyrics, so well described the character and its inside..!
I did not know that to live we had to die so many times
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Bill Saunders

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« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2018, 04:49:36 PM »
@pompeyjazz thanks a lot John - the fade out was a conscious decision on this one, rather than laziness - subjective I guess

@Wicked Deeds Thanks Paul - the piano takes centre stage I agree but I was going for a bit of Elton-esque flurry! Much appreciate your kind words

@MichaelA - thanks for your feedback

@cowparsleyman the delivery of the middle 8 reflects the point where our hero transitions from keeping it all bottled up, to the point of explosion! Hence the change of tone.

@Morefrog Jones The intro...yeah, I reckon it will put some people off listening and I wasn’t sure about it at the time. I kept it because I like the transition into the first verse. Maybe it’s just relief that the intro is over that makes it work. There’s an argument for deleting the intro entirely, I have to agree with you.

@moraamarolaloba I sometimes struggle with lyrics and storytelling, but it’s an area of song writing I am consciously putting a lot more effort into now, and it’s brilliant to get positive comments. Thank you

@redrhodie Thanks for your kind words of encouragement.




« Last Edit: October 29, 2018, 04:52:51 PM by Bill Saunders »

rightly

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« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2018, 09:11:35 PM »
This song is a real charmer.
I know there have been many fine artists enter this genre
but the name Bowie springs to mind.

This is very high level songwriting
The production is lovely too.

A feine piece of work!!
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

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montydog

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« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2018, 02:40:41 PM »
Hi Bill,

I'm getting Bowie, Kinks and maybe late 60's musicals (Tommy?). I loved some of the lyrics :

"someone ran off with his soul
Behind his fixed smile he looks like he’s dying inside"

Plenty of other great lines and a lovely melody particularly on the chorus. I loved all the production except that the piano was a little over complicated at times.

Still turning that chorus melody over and over......

A lovely, very English thing.

M

Neil C

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« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2018, 11:19:13 PM »
Bill,
Really like the intro/chorus with the stereo doubled chorus.
Some how it’s got a chris de burg feel to the verses, don’t ask me where that came from. Piano sounding great too.
 :) neil
songwriter of no repute..

paulb

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« Reply #12 on: November 01, 2018, 08:45:36 AM »
Great story telling!

Strong lyrics and very well delivered vocally and production wise.

I could have been that man!

The things that I think would make this even better;

1) I think I agree with a previous reviewer about the intro...It doesnt do justice to how good this song is.
2) The piano part in lines 3 and 4 of the verse dont feel like they truly support the rhythym of the vocal melody (although its a good part), and therefore is a little distracting.
3) A more impactful ending would round off a dramatic song for the "man" about something that for observers is mundane. I think fading it out makes me feel a bit cheated from some form of resolution.

But I loved it.

Great track.....

Paul.

Bill Saunders

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« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2018, 02:33:22 PM »
Thanks to @paulb @Neil C @montydog and @Rightly for your very kind encouragement.

I have now posted an updated version of this song in my original post above. The beauty of this forum is that you really can benefit from others' perspective and sometimes that helps hugely. I was never sure about the intro  and I have now dropped it - I feel that coming straight in with "He's stone cold sober" has more impact and is more interesting than repeating "Man in the Restaurant" four times - thanks to those, including @Morefrog Jones and others for helping me get to this point.

Also, and again because of feedback here, I have simplified the piano in places, albeit still with flourishes here and there (because I like them). I feel that the piano is no longer distracting and I have paid more attention to getting it exactly in time and supporting the vocal melody. I am really happy with it now.

The fade out at the end of the song - I have kept it because it is intended to represent the central character walking away from the restaurant, and hence fading into the night.

Arranging and mixing by "committee" is a rabbit hole to be avoided generally, but I am really pleased I have revisited this one - thank you all for such valuable input.

Yodasdad

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« Reply #14 on: November 10, 2018, 12:34:53 PM »
Your description of this created a great sense of anticipation, wondering how you were going to approach it.

I was expecting something a lot more reserved and mournful but you juxtaposed a quite upbeat atmosphere against a rather sad and mysterious tale.

Enjoyed the piano work which was quite busy and frantic at times. Nothing wrong with that mate, although occasionally I think the timing suffered ever so slightly.

A real kiss mash of styles and influences hear which I think combine to effectively portray your experience.

Great foresight to turn this observation in to a song.

Yodasdad