[MichaelA]

Hi everyone, well I tried something different for me with this one - from a lyrics perspective. I normally write about situations or stories narrated in the first person or else about others, hoping that the person to person connection between protagonist(s) and the listener is more convincing than songs of a more abstract nature. This time I have done a kind of socio-political commentary on way-of-life change in California - ie it used to be known as hippy capital of the world, and now its Silicon Valley is home to some of the biggest internet monoliths in the world, such as Google and Facebook.

I'd be interested to hear what people on here think of the song, but more generally do lyrics that are about 'issues' work as well as intimate songs about feelings and relationships?

Also being a bit old fashioned (and old!) I have tended to produce my vocals out front. Here, based on previous feedback, I have dialled them back (for me!) into the mix. Is this working still? Cheers all!

https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/no-more-california-dreaming

No More California Dreaming

Remember when cookies were to eat
A mouse had four small feet
And friends were folk you'd meet
Where was that place, no wifi in the air
With flowers in your hair
Peace and love everywhere?

No more California dreaming
Since the flowers are dead
No more California dreaming
Blooming silicon instead
Data fed (Data falls from our heads)

The Valley turned grey, its green deprived
Giant server plants now thrive
Warehousing all our lives
And everything we ever do or say
Is harvested away
While fake news has its day

Come home peace and love
There's a data store for you
Come home peace and love
We've got T's and C's for you

[Morefrog Jones]

Enjoyed the music and feel of the song - Lyrics kind of spoiled a good tune for me - I think it deserved better.
Reminded me of Blur - The Chorus lyrics and theme was strong enough but there was just something about the verse lyrics that did not work for me.
Other than that it was a song that had a lot going for it

[MonnoDB]

Hey @MichaelA - a quirky treat.. I love the music... I wonder if I’d be saying this if you hadn’t asked specifically but I’m not in love with the lyric - possibly because I’m used to a more .... struggling to find the word - maybe developed?! lyric from you. Having said that I really enjoyed it but then that’s no surprise... I think I might have brought some harmony in on the verses, maybe the second half but then I tend to do that on my own songs...

An enjoyable listen yet again - 👍🏻👍🏻!

[MichaelA]

Thanks @Morefrog Jones, yes I hear you on the lyrics, but glad you liked other aspects of the song.

Hi Karen, @MonnoDB , hope all's good with you. Since you know my stuff quite well I am glad to hear your comments on the lyric. Some folk elsewhere have been positive about them, but I think I am with you and maybe will stick to my normal style of lyric writing in future. I quite like this chorus, and some aspects of the song, but yeah, course it could be developed. Cheers m'dears! 

[mickyplankton]

I'm a big fan of the subject matter and applaud you for stepping outside your comfort. Re the lyrics I really like some lines such as 'and friends are folk that you meet' and 'come home peace and love weve got ts and Cs for you' I think these lines are inspired. But other lines feel a little contrived. I would much rather hear a song like this about a subject that affects humanity than some introspective lament about an x girlfriend which so many songwriters are guilty of!

[Wicked Deeds]

@MichaelA

Great intro!  I love the opening lyrics to verse 1.  This is quite lovely.  Musical it embraces a feeling of innocence and this matches matches a longing for simpler times before the introduction of recent technology.  It’s a song of beauty, longing and sadness. 

Excellent!

Paul

[pompeyjazz]

Clever idea Michael. Lyrics are excellent. There's a great 60s psychedelic feel to this one and the vocal goes where you might not expect it to which is great in my book. Really liked it

[MichaelA]

Thanks @mickyplankton , @Wicked Deeds and @pompeyjazz for giving me a bit more confidence on the lyrics again. And very pleased to see you all enjoyed it overall, thanks for your time and the comments! 

[Mutrins]

Hey Michael,

I really like the feel of this. I like your melodies a lot. As far as the lyrics, I think what would beef them up a bit is to make them more personal. The statements are a bit general, so maybe something closer to your heart that can resonate? Just a thought.

You're on a great track here, though!!

Micky

[Bill Saunders]

I think the lyrics are clever and absolutely first class - I would be bold and continue to explore this alongside your "normal" style. You have had the opposite view from others, so I'm not sure how this helps you! I think your vocals sit nicely in the mix, but to be honest, I didn't particularly enjoy your vocal delivery. It's just not my style, which doesn't mean it's not good - just not my personal preference.

It's a lovely tune, and the instrumentation supports the song beautifully. Catchy too - very well done, I like this song!

[redrhodie]

Love the chorus and the music. Really catchy and fun. I've listened to it several times, and there's just something about the melody on the verse, specifically on the words air, hair, and everywhere that seem a bit too low or lacking something. Maybe try singing a harmony there? It might give it more of a Beach Boys sound, which would work with the theme. Or sing an arpeggio on that note, so it's three or four decending notes instead of one? I'm not really a singer, so I hope I'm explaining what I can imagine correctly. Haha. Anyway, I did like it and thought it was really good.

[MichaelA]

Thanks all for more comments.

Hey @Mutrins , nice words! I agree with you on the lyrics comment, maybe they are just too abstract for the majority.

Thanks @Bill Saunders , I am glad you liked the lyrics as I did on writing. My vocal style is a bit Marmite I know - love it or hate it, but it is what it is, but thanks for stopping by!

Interesting idea on the melody @redrhodie , thanks. I might come back to this in a few weeks after some breathing space. I think it is a good song, but not quite there yet for various reasons. But glad you enjoyed some elements of it. Thank you!

[mikek]

The title, and actually, the production and melody, remind me of a turtles song.

I like the lyrics too.

One thing, the level of that arpeggiated keys part that repeats throughout, personally, I would bring the level down on that and give the lead vocal a bump up.

[Jambrains]

"Remember when cookies were to eat
A mouse had four small feet"
That is just brilliant and the lyrics are the star of the show for me.
Some really good melodies going on as well, me like! :-)

I'm with @Mikek re the level of the arpeggios and with @Bill Saunders re the vocal delivery.

[montydog]

Hi Michael,

Very clever, funny and astute lyrics. Nicely produced and some interesting instrumental ideas. Good melody as well.

Overall a very classy effort.

M