Strangers in the night

  • 6 Replies
  • 518 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

ThomasThomas

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 10
« on: October 09, 2018, 07:02:24 PM »
I'd like to share this little song with you and would be happy to receive a comment.



Pretty girl in the dark
I know the strongest way of affection.
In the night we may spark
it's on the other side of rejection.
Make no room for me to stumble
make me stronger than I'm humble.

We could laugh falling down
like in the lonely dream of desire;
there's a mountain, there's a town
and a starry night to go higher
Theres no need to ask permission
Theres no means to make decisions

Let's stay like this, let's feel the bliss,
strangers in the night,
no promisses, no empty words,
two lonely birds,
strangers in the night.

Pretty girl in the night,
I know you fear of empty tomorrow,
there's a void, there's no light,
I know the strangest longing for sorrow,
and could it be, that we will see,
another world to set us free?

In the blink of an eye,
you'll see a child alone in a staircase,
looking down, asking why,
when do the stars above fall down from space
words unsaid they shine and linger
kiss my neck, I'll kiss your finger.

Let's stay like this...

Sleep away all the doubt
you know the chimes do bring back morning light
breezy day, children shout,
no need to tell me what it's all about
let's go dreaming, let's go living,
let's be stern and yet forgiving.

Pretty gril in the dark, pretty girl in the dark...

Let's stay like this...

And we won't try to be the
cry to be the
lie to be the one
but maybe we'll be
maybe we'll be
just maybe we'll be

diademgrove

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 2134
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2018, 10:33:10 PM »
Welcome to the forum,

I loved how relentless the piano sounded. Complemented the verses perfectly. I liked the verses and the w3ay they developed the story. My only doubts are over the chorus. I didn't think they fit very well lyrically or musically. I'd have been tempted to just sing the verses and remove the chorus. Sorry to be so negative about a part of the song. Feel free to ignore my suggestion if you disagree.

Looking forward to hearing more of your songs in the future,

Keith

redrhodie

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 787
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2018, 09:19:18 PM »
Beautiful lyrics. Love the piano and the singing. I agree that it might be better without the chorus. It breaks the mood you've created with the piano. I'd be curious to hear it without it. Some really interesting things happening in this. I like it a lot.

Lynn

rightly

  • *
  • Stadium Tour
  • *****
  • Posts: 1954
  • newer Soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/2rightly
    • My cloud o' sound.
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2018, 08:47:23 AM »
This is fabulous.
The lyrics are outstanding.
I don't think I'd have had the self restraint to keep it so stripped down.
Nice video too. I've often thought a video is so hard to do.

The stumble / humble line works so well, lol. After hearing that I was won over.

Well done 
It's either this or that, then again it might be the other. 

I can promise you a future of slow decline.

Don't eat the yellow snow

And there you have it. 

https://soundcloud.com/2rightly

https://soundcloud.com/rightly

tfz

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 21
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2018, 09:50:34 AM »
This is my type of music, and the melody and lyrics are outstanding. Love the voice and piano too. I actually like the chorus, which is needed to break the song up in my view. If I was lucky enough to have written this, I'd be tempted to shorten it slightly, so: v, v, c, simple musical section with just a few additional piano notes, v, c, c, outro (perhaps the repeated pretty girl in the dark line). That would give the song a very different feel, and perhaps not the feel you're going for. Love it anyway.


RealKevM

  • *
  • Platinum Album
  • ****
  • Posts: 573
    • Soundcloud Real KevM 2
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2018, 11:24:01 AM »
Welcome to the forum. Really good mate. Atmospheric without coming across as too creepy or cheesy. Strong lyrics.

ThomasThomas

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 10
« Reply #6 on: October 23, 2018, 06:37:38 PM »
Thank you very much for you nice and very useful comments!