konalavadome

Seasons (work in progress)

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RealKevM

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« Reply #15 on: November 17, 2018, 04:20:41 PM »
That's my lack of vocal melody making it not feel like a chorus I think.

Thanks man

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #16 on: November 17, 2018, 07:41:45 PM »
Suggestions:

Lyrics

It was hell
But you can't tell
A new life,
someone (else's?) wife
Things are going well
Robbed of your teens
And your childhood dreams
Looks faded, feel so jaded,You just wanna be seen
(From my perspective "You just wanna be seen"is the essence of the song.  I'd repeat it at least once more right here.)

Chorus
As the seasons change
One thing stays the same
Making a start with a brand new heart
Let's go round again  Get right back on that merry go round.

2nd verse
Talking on your phone
That's all you seem to know
Waiting ages to make some changes
Yeah And now it's time to go
You just wanna be loved
Like everyone does
I know the feeling, and I share your dream
we both just wanna be seen.
We both just wanna be seen.


BRIDGE TO OUT: 
Hope is gone if you wait too long
But dont get caught in the rush
Can't give in to feelings
too little, or too much. 

Got to find a balance tween reality and dreams.
When you just wanna be seen. 
When you just wanna be seen. 


BTW... absolutely LOVED the guitar composition and playing.  Hope this helps.  Feel totally free to use or discard all suggestions with nothing owed.
« Last Edit: November 17, 2018, 07:53:46 PM by hardtwistmusic »
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

RealKevM

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« Reply #17 on: November 18, 2018, 02:05:58 PM »
Cheers for taking an interest, some great suggestions :)
I've already changed the Things are going well to .things aren't going well'
I like That's all you seem to know and  know the feeling, and I share your dream
we both just wanna be seen.
We both just wanna be seen.

RealKevM

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« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2018, 11:40:46 AM »
Hi, i'm still tinkering with this one, here's a new version recorded on my multitrack digital recorder (still can't get my hear around a DAW!) two acoustic guitar tracks, bass and maracas are involved. 


mahircankucuk

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« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2018, 01:55:07 PM »
I do really like it actually!

Few things: The shaker sounds nicer if it just flows stable constant rhythm, rather than accenting a specific motive. When the shaker came and gone it sounded like it didn't really belong there.

I think the chorus really feels like a chorus now!

I personally really like the direction you're heading :)

RealKevM

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« Reply #20 on: November 19, 2018, 04:25:52 PM »
Thank you! Cheers for the shaker advice, I don't really know what I'm doing ha so I'll take that on board, appreciate it, cheers

Jenna

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« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2018, 08:40:12 PM »
This is a very deep song. I love how it's thought provoking in that way. They lyrics open the door for varying, more personalized interpretations, something not easily achieved as a lyricist. They more hearts you touch, the wider the impact. The guitar playing is fabulous. What kind of guitar and sound setup are you using? It sounds amazing.

pompeyjazz

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« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2018, 10:12:48 PM »
This works really well @RealKevM I've listened to this song in different guises for a while now but really love this version. Top work man  :)

RealKevM

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« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2018, 02:30:32 PM »
This is a very deep song. I love how it's thought provoking in that way. They lyrics open the door for varying, more personalized interpretations, something not easily achieved as a lyricist. They more hearts you touch, the wider the impact. The guitar playing is fabulous. What kind of guitar and sound setup are you using? It sounds amazing.
Hi Jenna, thanks for the really kind words it means a lot to me that you liked the song.
The guitar is just a Squire (Fender) electro acoustic it's quite cheap really and the guitar itself does the job but not the nicest sounding one i've ever heard (https://www.gear4music.com/Guitar-and-Bass/Squier-By-Fender-SA-105CE-Electro-Acoustic-Guitar-Sunburst/1HBX)

I use a BOSS BR80 digital recorder (https://www.gear4music.com/Recording-and-Computers/BOSS-Micro-BR-BR-80-Digital-Recorder/FWI)
The main guitar track is the 'Mic'd Acoustic' setting, the second guitar track is 'Wide Acoustic' the bass is done using the recorder's guitar to tight bass emulator and the vocals have a double vocal effect on it.
I mastered all the tracks as 'pop mix' apart from the vocals. It's hard to describe what i mean I guess and while by the sounds of it DAW's are better for editing and tinkering with songs I personally find them difficult to use lol




RealKevM

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« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2018, 02:31:37 PM »
This works really well @RealKevM I've listened to this song in different guises for a while now but really love this version. Top work man  :)
Thanks dude, I consider you one of if not the best songwriter here so that means a lot coming from you

Jenna

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« Reply #25 on: November 21, 2018, 08:30:56 PM »
This is a very deep song. I love how it's thought provoking in that way. They lyrics open the door for varying, more personalized interpretations, something not easily achieved as a lyricist. They more hearts you touch, the wider the impact. The guitar playing is fabulous. What kind of guitar and sound setup are you using? It sounds amazing.
Hi Jenna, thanks for the really kind words it means a lot to me that you liked the song.
The guitar is just a Squire (Fender) electro acoustic it's quite cheap really and the guitar itself does the job but not the nicest sounding one i've ever heard (https://www.gear4music.com/Guitar-and-Bass/Squier-By-Fender-SA-105CE-Electro-Acoustic-Guitar-Sunburst/1HBX)

I use a BOSS BR80 digital recorder (https://www.gear4music.com/Recording-and-Computers/BOSS-Micro-BR-BR-80-Digital-Recorder/FWI)
The main guitar track is the 'Mic'd Acoustic' setting, the second guitar track is 'Wide Acoustic' the bass is done using the recorder's guitar to tight bass emulator and the vocals have a double vocal effect on it.
I mastered all the tracks as 'pop mix' apart from the vocals. It's hard to describe what i mean I guess and while by the sounds of it DAW's are better for editing and tinkering with songs I personally find them difficult to use lol

You did a fantastic job on the capture. I haven't gone through the mastering process yet, but I'm about ready to. DAWs are complicated if you're green to it all. I gather it's easier for those who've dealt with the analog equipment for some time.

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #26 on: November 21, 2018, 09:32:43 PM »
One of the hardest things about writing a song is recognizing where the "law of diminishing returns" kicks in, and it's time to just call it good enough. 

Just an outside perspective;  --  EVERY NEW version you post is a lot better than the last.  In particular, the vocals get better and better, but everything about the song keeps getting better.  Until it quits getting better so rapidly, I'd keep going. 

Hope that helps.  Good luck. 
www.reverbnation.com/hardtwistmusicsongwriter

Verlon Gates  -  60 plus years old.

RealKevM

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« Reply #27 on: November 23, 2018, 09:34:11 PM »
Thanks Jenna, it's a good bit of kit and I haven't really figured it all out yet either.

@hardtwistmusic thanks, i'm happy you can see the improvement and that the song is progressing. I'm really proud of it.

Cawproductions

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« Reply #28 on: November 24, 2018, 11:23:58 AM »
Yo Kev.

Another really nice song...sounds cool live, always a good sign.

Really good to hear you are branching out into the recording world..

Well done matey


RealKevM

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« Reply #29 on: November 24, 2018, 09:10:23 PM »
Thanks man