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Indigo (Demo)

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Altair

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« on: September 09, 2018, 05:19:47 PM »
Hi!

My name is Alex, I'm a songwriter from Russia.
English is not my native language.

My music style is pop, indie-rock, ballads.

I have finished several recent songs and I want to know your opinion about them.
Are they worth working? Are they good?

I'm not sure about my English, so I'll be grateful to you for any comments and recommendations (stylistics, rhyming, use of word, etc.)
Maybe you say that something sounds bizarre and unnatural.

Sorry for poor arrangement of demo track. Vocal line is shown with a sax voice.


Thank you! =)
« Last Edit: September 09, 2018, 05:21:24 PM by Altair »

Altair

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« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2018, 05:26:58 PM »
INDIGO (DEMO)

(1)
He’s a special kid, like a natural gem                                                         
He doesn’t get on well with other children                                                       
Thoughtful and dreamy; He’s only ten                                                             
Like some sort of fibre, absorbing and filtering                                 

An indigo child, a thing-in-itself                                                                             
He looks at this life through a little window                                                     
Feeling much better in his safety shell                                               
And he doesn’t like when someone is into it                                                 


(Chorus)
It should be handled with caution                                                         
Put in a greenhouse, as an option, oh                                                       
It’s so hard to deal with emotions                                                                         
His mind is a puzzle, it’s a deep blue ocean                                                       


(2)
Slow in the morning, the studies are boring                                                     
Figures and words simply do not excite him                                                       
Here, once again, the teacher gives him a warning                                                       
And asks for an answer but he’s being silent                                           

But he can remember when he was inspired                                                 
Dancing on stage - that was a passion                                                                 
Sadly, he has no chance to realize it
But all that is missing - You can imagine


(Chorus)

(3)
He tried to get on with it, to make a real change                                                       
To find some good friends and build up relations                                                         
But all these attempts make no any sense                                       
It’s not real life but its imitation

Maybe, something gets out of sight         
He wants to reborn, to become a sparrow                                                                                   
To fly and to see this fuss from the height                                                         
These people are small, these backstreets are narrow                                 


(Chorus)
It should be handled with caution                                                         
Put in a greenhouse, as an option, oh                                                       
It’s so hard to deal with emotions                                                                         
His mind is a puzzle, it’s a deep blue ocean                                                       

mahircankucuk

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« Reply #2 on: November 13, 2018, 10:02:27 PM »
I'll just comment on the production.
Of course it's obvious the sounds are midi, why don't you consider soft analog modelling sounds?
The arrangement musically is flowing very smoothly, including the percussive elements.

Side question, do you like Pet Shop Boys, maybe it's the synth trumpet sound, but I felt the vibe of their earlier work a little :)

Keep it up!

SlavaB

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« Reply #3 on: November 16, 2018, 01:41:06 PM »
I join what Mahir says, need to bring more saturation to the song. As it sounds very very midi. The flow is great.

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #4 on: November 17, 2018, 09:27:48 AM »
Whato

This sounds very good as a pop song, very pet shop boys, I like it, it reminds me of a middle 8 by them, replace the drums with some really punchy linns or heavily compressed 'real' drums, if you can't sing then half say the words a bit like the pet shop boys did, remember west end girls? give it a try.

Try and find and emphasise the hookiest bits, good work!

hope this helps

cpm

hardtwistmusic

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« Reply #5 on: November 17, 2018, 08:29:39 PM »
I'm not a musician, so I missed the fact that this is "synthetic".   Even knowing it, I don't care.  The composition is excellent and imaginative in my opinion. 

One or two criticisms.  I sang the song to your accompaniment.  It was very easy to find and follow the vocal you want (I think).

That I got done at the same time as the accompaniment means that my interpretation of the timing you intended was right. 

What I found missing as a sang this is some "breathing room" for the singer.  There were literally no parts where the singer just stepped back and allowed the (beautifully written) accompaniment to stand on it's own and carry the song for awhile.  In my opinion, there needs to be a little of that between each verse and the chorus at a minimum. 

Of course, that would make the song longer.  Might need to shorten the lyric a little if you do that. 

The music is so pretty, that I would have liked to have a musical bridge that is a little longer than "breathing room."  Again, that would make a song that is just the right length a little longer. 

BTW... I also write music digitally on a computer and have access only to "synthetic" instruments.  The only people who care are musicians.  Fans don't care.

 
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mikek

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« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2018, 01:49:20 AM »
Hardtwistmusic. excellent review, I agree completely.

Nice song

Altair

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« Reply #7 on: November 27, 2018, 12:07:44 PM »
The music is so pretty, that I would have liked to have a musical bridge that is a little longer than "breathing room."  Again, that would make a song that is just the right length a little longer. 


Hi, Hardtwistmusiс!

Thank you for your comments and for encouragement!

I got your point regarding "breathing room".
I'll try to add some intermedia between parts.

Honestly, I was afraid there are some language/grammar mistakes.
How do you think, is it Ok to sing it as it is?

Thank you that you took some time and gave it a listen  :)



Altair

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« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2018, 12:15:25 PM »
I'll just comment on the production.
Of course it's obvious the sounds are midi, why don't you consider soft analog modelling sounds?
The arrangement musically is flowing very smoothly, including the percussive elements.


Hi, guys!

Thank you for your comments and your attention!
Highly appreciated  ;)

Mahircankucuk, do you mean I should use some synthesized sounds? (soft analog modelling sounds)

Can you recommend me any VST synths with good sound?
I like NI Massive very much but it sounds a little cold anyway.

Thank you for your comments and your advice)



Altair

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« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2018, 12:24:01 PM »
Whato

This sounds very good as a pop song, very pet shop boys, I like it, it reminds me of a middle 8 by them, replace the drums with some really punchy linns or heavily compressed 'real' drums, if you can't sing then half say the words a bit like the pet shop boys did, remember west end girls? give it a try.

Try and find and emphasise the hookiest bits, good work!

hope this helps

cpm

Hi, CPM!

Thank you for your feedback!

I'm sorry that I haven't replied earlier.

This comparison with PSB is good for me, now I see that it sounds like PSB songs.

Production is my weak point but I'll try to improve it.

Honestly, I was afraid there were some major language/grammar mistakes.
How do you think, is it Ok to sing it as it is?

Thank you!


jman1283

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« Reply #10 on: December 04, 2018, 01:13:47 AM »
For someone who is not a native English speaker, this lyric (Indigo) is very good! I am a musician first but enjoy writing lyrics as well. Many people don't have flow. You do. What I mean by flow is I can read your words and I feel beat, rhythm and tempo. Your words alone would be easy for me to create/set to music.
Jason R. Ferguson
jman8964@gmail.com