[rightly]

This probably makes more immediate sense together with its music, but not much more. Lol. 
I'm not aiming for the most tiresome, easily accessible smash bash popsong. I'll leave that to someone more suitable.

This is still under construction, feedback welcome. 



The first in line for returning


I tried to paint your face
as another more deserving
I was in trouble too
the first in line for returning

I should have turned away at first glance
really, you could have been anyone
what will it be then,
less drama and more fun?
could you be my beautiful strange and unique
they say it can be found on any random small town street

I tried to paint your face

you'll need a fancy frame
I am one to exhibit
people stop and stare, both
high and dry to get with it

I am the blue dove and you understand
no array of words could ever explain
spelled out, so clearly
should you forget my name
could you be my beautiful strange and unique
Ive heard it can be found on any random small town street

I tried to paint your face

 I made a big mistake
the first in line for returning

the first in line for returning

__________________________

Rightly. 

[Paulski]

Hey there rightly 
Some great near rhymes in this - my favs are:
deserving/returning
unique/street

It's a bit fuzzy as to what's going on - but it's consistently fuzzy so works like a charm 
I'm seeing an artist painting a portrait of a lost lover.
You could call it "I tried to paint your face" which, to me, reflects the story better.

No nits though - it's a good write IMO.
Paul

[rightly]

Hey there rightly 
Some great near rhymes in this - my favs are:
deserving/returning
unique/street

It's a bit fuzzy as to what's going on - but it's consistently fuzzy so works like a charm 
I'm seeing an artist painting a portrait of a lost lover.
You could call it "I tried to paint your face" which, to me, reflects the story better.

No nits though - it's a good write IMO.
Paul

Yes, even for me it's too fuzzy.

But you did get it right with the lost lover.
The narrator having made the mistake of having tried to change his love to suit his needs.

Yes fuzzy. It can be like this when I'm singing, lol, if I'm not sure which note I'll try to hit two or three notes.

I really want someone to walk in and suggest some more concise lyrics.
I've music for it, I'll record a demo and send it off in the attempt to find that extra.

Changing the title would be too obvious.