[Liam]

This is a song about Ian Curtis - Joy Division were a bit before my time but I grew up listening to music in the 80s and the void of Ian Curtis was there- I won't use the word legend but void - it's just like a black and white Image and a feeling of something that's never died and still lives if that makes sense

Ian Curtis

When I heard the news
I had to scream
this terrible news - was quite obscene

all that went - through my teenage head
was how could my hero - be laying dead

I'd only been to see you a few weeks before
when you took the stage you knew the score
you understood and you told the world

you weren't pretending this was real
I knew you were the real deal

When I heard the news
I had to scream
this terrible news - was quite obscene

all I could think was what a terrible waste
how could anyone take your place

even now after all these years
after a few beers - I shed some tears
I think of what might have been
I was there - I had seen

your presence never leaves me
your like a ghost in music circles
time may age us but you'll frozen in my mind

When I heard the news
I had to scream
this terrible news - was quite obscene

Your presence never leaves me

[CaliaMoko]

Overall, I think this is one of your best lyrics, Katie. I'm very picky and critical, although I try to stifle the tendency when I'm reviewing, but I don't have to stifle much this time.

One word I recommend changing is: "quite". It's too obvious. It feels like a filler, as if you needed something to stick in that spot, so you threw in "quite". That may not have been your thought, but it's how it feels to me. Instead, I would use a word that is clearly intentional, like maybe "utterly". You have to get clever with rhythm for that one, but it can be done and still fit in the same beat. Another possibility that might flow more smoothly is "completely".

The other word I recommend changing is: "laying". Correct grammar is: "be lying dead". I think. I'm pretty sure.

Then toward the end you have "but you'll frozen in my mind". I assume you meant either "but you'll be frozen in my mind" or "but you're frozen in my mind"

That's all I have on this one.

Vicki

[Altair]

Hi!

I like Joy Division too, I think it has influenced my music and my personallity.

So it's a good word you used - Void (not legend).

Because that was not about fame or success, but about music itself, some mission.

This piece of lyrics resonates with my feelings as well.
Nice job. Do you have music for it?

[Liam]

@CaliaMoko Hi Vicki thanks for picking some of them things out they are good points when I write I am in a frenzy and don't always notice these things X

@Altair Hi I don't have music for it feel free to use the lyrics xxx