Hi there!
I really like the overall message of this lyric, and I think you're right about it being more relevant than ever in this digital age. You have some really nice lines in there, but if I should suggest anything it might be to shorten some of the sentences, sort of simplify it all together. But that's really just my personal opinion, as I think this is the sort of topic where less is more, and it could (ironically) become more powerful with less words.
Best wishes