Seeking feedback for an upbeat indie-electro WIP called "How can you love me?"

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Break.thru

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« on: August 12, 2018, 10:37:07 PM »
Title:  Either "How can you love me?" or "Bury me"

https://soundcloud.com/break_thru/how-can-you-love-me/s-Juuvt

Your help and input is much appreciated!!

Why did you write your song?
About a narcissistic lover and certain other people driving me crazy, but wanting the song to still be a fun to kind of imply that despite these people, we are still rocking.  Having this sense that part of the problem is the lack of legitimate love they feel for themselves being reflected in their lack of love for others     

What are your aims for your song?
Enjoyment by others, possibly used as a single for an upcoming album release, live performance.

What aspects of your song are you looking for comments about?
Structure, use of sounds, dynamics/energy, lyrics, anything that might improve it.

The song hasn’t been mixed by a pro yet (will be in the near future), so comments about levels/eq/compression aren’t as useful yet, but definitely welcome.

Lyrics:
Verse 1
Bury me in feelings for yourself
Bury me in a shallow grave
Bury me in feelings for yourself
Bury me in a shallow grave

Chorus 1
Should have known I’ve had enough
Of your lying cheating ways
Should have known I’ve had enough
Of your lying cheating ways

Verse 2
How can you love me when you do not love yourself
How can you love me when your heart is all you love
How can you love me with your heart the animal
How can you love me watch you rise above love

Chorus 2 and 3
Same as chorus 1

« Last Edit: August 17, 2018, 12:05:12 AM by Break.thru »

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #1 on: August 12, 2018, 11:24:16 PM »
SoundCloud reports no such song and no such user??? Maybe my connection is glitching.... I could try again later.

Mella

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« Reply #2 on: August 16, 2018, 01:38:03 PM »
I'm getting the same thing, it says "Track Removed by User." However just based on reading the lyrics, I'd love for you to change them up and tell more of the story! Repeating some lyrics is fine but I feel like you could really stretch and give us more details where the parts are repeated. I want to wait to say anything else until I can hear it though!

Break.thru

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« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2018, 12:06:58 AM »
Really sorry about the link mixup.  I have no idea why that happened.

Here is the updated link:  https://soundcloud.com/break_thru/how-can-you-love-me/s-Juuvt 

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #4 on: August 17, 2018, 12:49:04 AM »
Well, that's interesting. Lots of sound! This seems to be all about the sound. The lyric is minimal and more of the effort has been put into how it all sounds. That's how I hear it, anyway. The vocal seems to be buried in the mix as if it is just intended to add to the sound but isn't important enough to stand out. That's not a criticism, just an observation (in case that isn't how you want it to be).

I do like the sound of it. It's kind of a controlled chaos which, to me, supports the theme of the song.

Vicki

cowparsleyman

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« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2018, 09:40:39 AM »
Whato @Break.thru 

As Vicki says a lot going on. Nicely done.

Just for reference - I listened on a laptop with my tracking cans, which tend to be a tad bass heavy...

I'm listening as I'm writing.

Like the beginning, nice and simple, establishes the hook.

0:54 - the Vox could be more up in the mix if it's on a submix bus of it's own then just bring it up a few db, not much as the releationship between the LVox and the BVox seems OK, the double tracking of the Vox is great.

Do you have a sidechain comp on the LVox from the subInstr? It might make the LVox a little more prominent

You might consider splitting the Vox out a bit, LVox1 bang in the middle, but have the doubling a tad to the R and L to widen them.
 
1:12 - 'How can you love me' seems to pop out

1:40 ish, push the Ahh catch vox out to the sides...things are getting crowded in the middle ground....

2:15 take one of the barking hooks and start the song with it...

Might be good to stop it completely somewhere...like the mayhem near the end, might be nice to fade in a heartbeat from the pulses fading out at the end.

With regards to EQ and Comps etc. I can't comment as I don't have the right listening environment at the moment, but if you are getting it produced by a pro then they'll sort all that out.

Good song indeed

Hope this helps.

cpm


Altair

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« Reply #6 on: September 10, 2018, 07:35:19 PM »
Hi, Break.thru!

I like it very much!

It's very interesting to hear to all these sounds)
Great production work.

I always thought that sound design is something secondary and nonessential, but when I started to do this I realised that it is true art and real science)

Very impressive!

Thanks for sharing!)