[Just4kikzz]

"YOU N ME"

[Verse 1]
NEVER TRUST YES I DO
SHUT YOU OUT NOT U
CUT MY SELF DO YOU 2 
COLOUR BLUE  PURPLE YOU


[Hook 1]
You N Me  Me N You
Me N Me You N You

You N Me  Me N You
Me N Me You N You






[Verse 2]
SLEEP STILL YES U
DREAMS KILLED DAISYS GREW TIME HEALS MAYBE YOU RUST
KILLS PEELS AWAY CLOUDS GREY SAIL AWAY OCEANS AWAY
 


[Hook 2]
You N Me  Me N You
Me N Me You N You

You N Me  Me N You
Me N Me You N You

[Verse 3]
RUNAWAY  BEST FOR YOU HOPE YOU FEEL WHAT IS REAL ME OR YOU RIVERS LOW EYES CLOSED CHOSEN SIDES INCOMING  TIDES

[Hook 3]
Sun Comes Up I Go Down

Sun Goes Down You Go Up

Yes Im High Yes Im High

[Verse 4]
JUDGING ME  ABANDON ME WHO ARE YOU ONCE I KNEW YOUR FREINDS ARE GREEN THE EXCEPTED SCENE
ASHAMED OF ME YES ITS TRUE

[Hook 4]
You N Me  You Not Me

Me N You Me Not You

You N Me  You Not Me

[Verse 5]
 STILL IM MEEEE JUST ANOTHER MEMORY TO YOU YES IM HIGH INSPIRATION SEE STRUMMING C CREATIVY ART OF ME STRUMMING E REMEMBER  MEEEEEEE

[Hook 5]
Remember  Me Remember  You

Remember  Me Remember  You

YOUU MEEEE  YOUU MEEEE


Still lots to work on but any feedback would be greatly appreciated

[cowparsleyman]

Hi

It's kind of tricky to review it, as I don't know what genre it is?

Do you have a way to sing it into your phone, that might help.

cpm

[Mella]

I would really suggest only having one hook. The hook is supposed to 'hook people in' and it's hard to do that when it's different every time! You could make 5 different songs with the 5 hooks you have here. If you do want to keep them, I strongly suggest having the same melody every time so they know it's a hook. Maria Mena's "Dear..." song is a great reference. The hook lyrics are different every time but the melody lets you know it's the chorus. But I agree with the comment above, if you have a way to record the idea that would be awesome!

[Break.thru]

Overall, I really like the lyrics. 

To me the you and me me and you part feels like a chorus.

I think Mella mentioned 1 hook.  One thought would be only having 1 variation of this part at the end instead of a couple.  The varied version could serve as a bridge around 2/3rd of the way through the song and then return to the main version of you and me me and you.

Other suggestions would be simplifying overall by losing a verse/hook.

One way to accomplish all this would be get rid of verse 3 and hook 3 and use hook 1 in place of hook 5.  Hook 4 serves as the bridge.  Maybe repeat hook 1 at the end of the song.  hook 1 and 2 appear the same to me, so this would mean only hook 4 is different in this scenario.

Anyway, just some brainstorming - overall really digging the lyrics - could be a very catchy song.