[MichaelA]

Hi everyone, well I was very honoured to win June SOTM on here with my fun song 'AI Bunny Boiler'. But some of you will know that as a songwriter, I do write in two different styles - one fun/quirky, the other more introspective/serious. This just reflects the different sides of my personality.

So after bashing out a few lighter numbers recently, I tried this more 'serious' song. It is harder for me to write on this side of things, the fun stuff is easier. But some of my favourite songs of all time are on the darker side of things - and my aim is to one day write an all time classic of this ilk. Yeah, we all do right?! So I'll keep taking the tablets as they say! 


Anyway, here it is: 'Sleepyhead':

https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/sleepyhead

Lyrics:

Sometimes the trickery is cruel
Just when I thought I held a jewel
She slipped from my hands
Lost in the darkest pool
I'm playing at the wheel of fate
Still hoping to win, maybe it’s too late
Searching all the heavens above
Hoping for some sign of love

Come sleepyhead
Spin dreams so fine
Ah sleepyhead of mine

Trying so hard to find the way
Darkness comes haunting every single day
Now I'm sinking down
into the disarray
And all I want to do is sleep
Where I can find comfort there in the deep
And winding paths lead me free
Onto some sanctuary

RPT CHORUS

When stardust fell down from the skies
Gathered it all,
yet I still had no prize
I had nothing
Nothing at all
When stardust glistened like a pearl
Turned from it all
Without you in my world
I had nothing
Nothing at all

RPT CHORUS X2

[Skub]

Yo Michael.

I love the lonely/desolate melody over the swirling synths,good vocal action and poignant harmonies. Lovely blend. The plaintive lead vox work so well for me.

Dreamy/tinkling bridge changes it a little,but still keeps the context and leads nicely into the step up towards the finale.

This is one which rewards a few listens,so I'm gonna give it some. 

[redrhodie]

Pretty song. Love the harmonies and effects on the vocals. Sounds dreamy. Doesn't sound too dark to me.

Lynn

[rightly]

oh I forgot I wanted to express my appreciation.

Really, a lovely song. Intriguing, really interesting.
I prefer it to bunny boiler.

Keep 'em coming!

[MichaelA]

Thanks for these supportive comments @Skub , @redrhodie and @Rightly

I do quite like my song, but is not the perfect song! When am I going to write that??? That's the Holy Grail we all on here probably seek! 

[Paulski]

Hey Michael

Another great song from your pen.
I love the hook and the dreamy mood you set up here.
Great vox and synth work.
I kind of wanted it to "wake up" sooner but think you nailed the brief nicely.

Paul

[MonnoDB]

Hey @MichaelA - I've commented on this elsewhere but just popping in with another thumbs up :-) Love it!

[MichaelA]

Thanks @Paulski, that is all appreciated.

Hi @MonnoDB, nice to hear from you, although I feel we may have somehow met before! Welcome anyways! 

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Michael.  It's great when you can jump between fun and serious. This is a lovely song. I particularly like the dreamy / sleepy ambience that you have conjured up and I think the dual vocal work is exceptional as you don't stick to the standard harmonies that might be expected. It's been great listening to your work and hearing your progression since you joined the forum. A top quality song for sure 

[Ramshackles]

Love the swirly synth/keyboard thats going on.
The harmonies are really effective when you bring them in and it is judged well when to utilise them and when to leave them off.

Production wise I think there are a couple of things that could be improved on. These are all pretty small things and are just aimed mainly at making everything sit nice and to bring movement into the song:

- The vocals don't sit perfectly with the rest of the mix. They are a little too loud and forward I think. A good trick is to listen with the volume very very low and see whether you can still pick out the rest of the mix
- I would've introduced some light percussion a little earlier to add movement to the song
- When the drums come in its great - I would introduce some more bass aswell - be it a bass guitar or a more bassy synth. I'd have the drums build towards the end.
- I might experiment with layering more synths very subtly and bringing them in and out at pivot points in the song - chorus, breaks and so on and again, having them build towards the end. IT would generate that movement and sense of 'going somewhere'.

Although its quite a different song, I keep thinking of 'Family Tree' by Tv On The Radio. There are some tonal similarities. It would've been a great reference track for this song and a great example of building up movement throughout a relatively mellow track.

[MichaelA]

Those were very encouraging comments @pompeyjazz , thanks very much.

Cheers for the detailed feedback @Ramshackles. I like your comment on turning the track down to second check the vocal level. I do tend to like my vocals a bit far forward in the mix, but am realising this is not necessarily the contemporary way. In terms of building the track, I think I am happy that I have tried an unconventional approach. I've got quite a few tracks with a linear and possibly quite predictable progression in the dynamics. I was trying something a bit different here, so yeah, some listeners will maybe wonder what is going on!  Just a bit of fun experimenting really! But thanks again, all valid points.

[Dust2Life]

I really like what you do with these lines vocally

"Searching all the heavens above
Hoping for some sign of love"


it was an unexpected thing.. very cool.

[mickyplankton]

hi Michael. Great song. Love the vocals and the melody. The chorus is very catchy. Theres only one question mark i have in the song, and thats the drums. They feel a little too electronic sounding and busy to really compliment the rest of the song. Feels a little misplaced when it comes in a little too busy for the vocal melody. - although i do think for a song of that length you need some percussion.  I would have preferred a slacker, more natural sounding drum and rhythm. Just my 2 pennys.

Excellent song regardless.

[Liam]

Interesting song a grower I think , we’ll sung