[Altair]

Hi!
I am a young (?) songwriter from Russia and I now I'm trying to write some lyrics in English for my songs. English is not my native language.
My music style is pop, indie-rock, ballads.

I’ll be very grateful if you read (proofread) my lyrics, show me any mistakes or give me any comments and recommendations (stylistics, rhyming, grammar, use of word, etc.) Maybe you say that something sounds bizarre and unnatural.

I am not very ambitious about that. I want to record a good demo in order to attract some attention, find companions and co-authors.

Sorry for a demo without vocals. Vocal line is shown with a sax voice.

https://soundcloud.com/user-72483902/release-demo

Thank you!

[Altair]

RELEASE

(1)
You know, you know all my weakness
You can read all my thoughts                  
You are a casual witness                   
Of my failures and faults                   

When I get tired and injured
You are ready to help                   
When I have my panic seizures                  
You beat me back to myself                  
 
(Chorus)
(And now -)
Take my hand,
  I ask you, please
I’m feeling numb,                  
  Just help me to unfreeze       

Can you feel
  And calm my grief
I need a gulp of air
  To get relief

Everything you should release       
Like a bird as a sign of peace                  
Like a bird as a sign of peace                  


(2)
My spirit wholly depends on
Your marks and your words                  
I need, I need your attendance             (Var.: Before you make any sentence)
Give a chance of rebirth         
                                    
This place is stuffed with gunpowder          
And you are holding a fuse             
Tonight it’s all in your power –             
To execute or to excuse          

(Chorus)
(Come on)                     
Take my hand,
  I ask you, please
I’m feeling numb,                  
  Just help me to unfreeze       
Can you feel
  And calm my grief
I need a gulp of air
  To get relief

Everything you should release       
Like a bird as a sign of peace                  
Like a bird as a sign of peace                  

[rightly]

hey I really like this
I'm hard to please with lyrics bt you needn't be too worried with this

that variation point

I like "attendance". A nice word.
then the next line could be simply
"Another chance, a rebirth"

[Altair]

Oh, thank you a lot, Rightly! 
I appreciate your good advice)

Did you like music more?

Anyway It will be hard to deal with my inferiority complex about my english lyrics 
I need to study more)