[jonlint]

Hi all,

Working on an Alternative Rock song idea.  So far I have written the basic song licks and chorus vocals.  I think it has a Velvet Revolver feel to it.  Feedback welcome on what I have so far:

https://soundcloud.com/jonathan-linton-3/whiplash-rev1

WHIPLASH
(Words by Jonathan Linton, Music by Jonathan Linton)

Drop me off here
Won’t go on your ego trip
Hope you enjoy the ride
You fooled me once
Behind with your piston grip
Jekyll changed to Hyde

You won the game
I took the blame
Payback will come
From those that you maim
I will enjoy
Watching you fall
Fall from the sky
Fallin’ aflame

I think it's gonna end for you badly
Route you're going, you're gonna crash
Kick me down, crawl on me, chasin' madly
Power control, gives you whiplash

Kick me down, crawl on me
Gives you whiplash
Power control
Gives you whiplash
Kick me down, crawl on me
Gives you whiplash
Took a bad route
Now take the backlash

VERSE 2 (Pending)

I think it's gonna end for you badly
Route you're going, you're gonna crash
Kick me down, crawl on me, chasin' madly
Power control, gives you whiplash

Kick me down, crawl on me
Gives you whiplash
Power control
Gives you whiplash
Kick me down, crawl on me
Gives you whiplash
Took a bad route
Now take the backlash

[Veance]

Nicely done., loved it from the start. The lyrics are impeccable to me.
It has a 80's rock feel.

The part at 2:41 was a good choice to avoid to much repeats. I could here this on the radio one day.

The guitars are a bit harder than velvet revolver (fall to pieces)

[Mikey]

Hi Jon,

I really like the energy, and the vocal is great, good rockin' song, it sounds to me that a few licks throughout and a solo would add what it needs to really kick it up a notch, maybe thats what you had in mind for the next stage.

Nice one, really enjoyed it, Mikey

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Jon. Yep, this is sounding pretty damn good. Great rocking guitars and super vocals. Maybe a few more licks and lead interplay to bring it to completion and maybe the section at around 3 minutes needs a tad more work but overall top work

[steevm]

It rocks and all, but it's lacking differentiation over time. If you want to see what I mean, play the song on SC, and randomly click around the timeline, listening to just a short snippet here and there between clicks. You'll notice that apart from the intro and the short break, everything sounds identical in terms of overall sonic texture.

While the song is cohesive as a result - there's nothing sticking out like a sort thumb - it's lacking a natural to and fro. Some rhythmic changes and bit more of a build up or shaking up the guitar instrumentation could go a long way. The suggestion of the solo above is probably speaking to the same issue.

Great riffing, absolutely no doubt. With some more work on the arrangement you can take this to the next level.