[Mikey]

Hi Lynn

I like the lyrics a lot, could become a really nice song, I agree with what has already been said about more variety and the guitar sound, but overall a good song.

Cheers, Mikey

[montydog]

Hi Lynn,

The lyrics are the highlight here - top notch. Not much else I can add to the advice you've been given. This forum is great for gently pushing you along in a supportive way and it's always a learning curve as is everything worthwhile. You have all the tools to take this to the next level.

M

[redrhodie]

Thanks Paul, John, Mikey, Alan (how's the puppy?  ), and everyone else for your thoughts and insight. I've put a lot of your advice into action and remade it. It's being mastered and I'll post it when it's done. I'd love to hear if I got what you were saying, and if you think it's better.

Thanks again,
Lynn

[rightly]

I think the next versions will be fabulous!

[redrhodie]

Hi guys,

I took a lot of your advice and reworked this one. Please let me know if you like it better. Thanks Keith for mixing, and thanks Rightly for the idea for the bridge, and the restructuring. It's a bit different. I hope you like it.

Listen to The Caged Bird version 2 by faraway my lovely #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/user-468459034/the-caged-bird-version-2

[Featherstone]

Hello

The vocals work really well - I like the natural compression and doubling effect.

I would like to hear something to break it up a bit like a flute or subtle piano.

[MichaelA]

Hi there, I like your guitar picking and harmonic singing.

I have read the comments above about the lack of variety, and understand that and I think that's maybe because each line of the verse carries the same melody. In the chorus, you use three lines the same melodically  (roughly) but then lift it on the fourth line and this is nice ear candy. That said, the repetitive element is kind of hypnotic too.


Interesting artist - I will check out more of your stuff!

[rightly]

Hi there, I like your guitar picking and harmonic singing.

I have read the comments above about the lack of variety, and understand that and I think that's maybe because each line of the verse carries the same melody. In the chorus, you use three lines the same melodically  (roughly) but then lift it on the fourth line and this is nice ear candy. That said, the repetitive element is kind of hypnotic too.


Interesting artist - I will check out more of your stuff!

I agree with Michaela here.
I'm fine with the repetitive melody.
With this there's a build up of tension and eventually there's release.

Excellent lyrics and resonating theme.

Living in Cages, the more you think of it the further you get with it.
Living in a society cages are absolutely necessary, but too much can be fatal to the spirit.

Also excercising self restraint, to hold back from expedient gratification and rewards because you're after something better.

It's a very fine song.

[redrhodie]

Thanks @Featherstone , @MichaelA , and @Rightly . Really appreciate your feedback. Thanks also to @shadowfax for listening to both and commenting on SC. It's very helpful.

Lynn