[Liam]

Untitled

I am from mars
and I like fast cars
and women that think I'm funny
and laugh at my jokes
and smoke more than I do

I grew up with loser for a father
and I've gathered many bad traits along the way
I like the unshaven look of a few days
it seems seems to open the doors with ladies

I wear big flared collared shirts
with the top button undone
it's all part of the game
trying to keep myself sane in this plain old world

I'd rather have a bad girl than a good one
sharing out fags , in a pit of a place
none of us expecting commitment
one of us gone in the morning
not even a note of goodbye

 Neither of us shed any tears
come on it's just beers and sex
We both knew the score
the days of emotion are long gone

something went wrong along the way with me
perhaps my Fathers to blame
I hear my mother saying what a shame
he was such a nice boy
now he treats girls like toys

I am from mars
and I like fast cars
and women that think I'm funny
and laugh at my jokes

none of them sees my pain
none of them sees my pain

[CaliaMoko]

I can hear this as either a loud, screamy, rock style piece OR a quiet, meandering, poetical piece--the second of which would sound "wrong" until you get to the end.

Honestly, I didn't think I liked this at all. Until I got to the end. I'm still not sure what I think. I believe I would prefer some kind of foreshadowing throughout the piece, maybe in a chorus, to give us a hint this guy is not as shallow as he appears. Right now there doesn't really seem to be a chorus. In fact, it actually reads more like a poem than a lyric, as there is no consistency to the structure, that I can define, that would fit into a song format.

One nit picky thing that's a personal pet peeve of mine--"and women that think I'm funny". I would change that to "and women who think I'm funny", because--to me--calling people "that" is the same as calling them "it" instead of "she" or "he".

Do you have a melody for this yet? I'd be very interested in hearing how it works as a song.

Vicki

[Liam]

Thanks Vicki

I just write how I feel at the time - I might have a go at changing it xxx