konalavadome

The haste

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Veance

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« on: July 07, 2018, 08:06:01 AM »
I made a song last year, but it was in dutch.
I wanted to let you guys hear it.
It's on my soundcloud for now.
I need to retake the singing part because sometimes it's offkey.
And i wanted to translate it into English.
It's about our cat that died last year.
The kids were heartbroken so I made this song to comfort them. The lyrics are about what made him our cat.
His name was Luke but we starwars fans named him 'luke skywalker'.
His dougnut was a place to sleep in.

Feel fry to judge this song in any way you like...don't hold back :)

https://soundcloud.com/user-157101413/the-haste-aka-luke-skywalker/s-GJkyv

Here's a first try in english:

There lights were on.
Did you notice them
Or was it already to late
Was it already to late?

Your doughnut’s empty
Where do you sleep now
Or do you walk in the sky?
Do you walk in the sky?

We have to let you go now
But in our thoughts you stay
As the young redhaired cat
That was afraid of grass

Mind of your own
You didn’t want no collar

Greatfully licking
Every stroking hand
That gently touched your coat

You even liked our curtains
allso blocking all doorways
but in the haste of all young creatures
often lies the fall.

There is no sunshine anymore on your skin (4x)
« Last Edit: July 11, 2018, 04:57:42 AM by Veance »
nil volentibus arduum

Veance

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« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2018, 05:00:26 AM »
I'm curious is the song's topic isn't an issue.
If the lyrics are likable, is grammar okay?
Is the word "coat" wellchosen?

About the song itself :

Is the intro likable, not to long, does it help make the song or do you see it as a part that does not belong there.
I thnik the bass line hass a nice change sometimes but what do you think. (allthough not allways in key)

What do you think about the melody?

Does the singer (me) have a nice sounding voice?
« Last Edit: July 11, 2018, 05:20:37 AM by Veance »
nil volentibus arduum