[Paulnl]

Song written by Paul, Sang by Paul and Ciprian, guitar and improvised whistling by Ciprian
Permission given by Ciprian for posting

Hi everyone,

My names Paul and I want to know what people think of my song.  The recording is not at a professional level but the song is there, I hope you like it.

The song was written during a difficult time.  I think the idea of the song is that the joker is difficult but he can be beaten. 

I think the joker is a character or role that goes back 100s years.  Perhaps the medieval jester is an example of the joker. 

Verse 1
Standing in the faded glow
The rain not sleet or snow
Push me forward don’t hold back
Something tells me I’m having a heart attack
Rage against the clouded sky
Force myself forward never wave goodbye

Chorus
The joker thinks he’s brilliant with all the colours in his eyes
But he’s not as brave as much as I I I
He’s got a temper under that thick maine
All the different colours again and again
The jokers always smiling with all the daring in his disguise
But he’s not as cool as I I I
The joker thinks he’s brilliant with all the colours in his eyes
But he’s not as brave as I I I

Verse 2
Travel again the thousand steps
Up and up
Through the gravel
Through the storm
Never ending
I’m giving more
Fight on forward
Push on through

Chorus

Improvised whistling

Chorus

[pompeyjazz]

Hi Paul and welcome to the forum. I think that you have some very good ideas with your song.  Maybe some of the dual vocals swamp it slightly  but overall I enjoyed it. If you leave some feedback on other songs you'll get a lot more feedback for sure 

[Neil C]

Paul,
Hi and welcome and thanks for sharing.
The chorus has a catchy refrain. liking the the whistle too!
Thoughts: a couple of lines ( eg 4 and 6 ) could do with some editing to make easier to sing, and you could have a touch more melodic variation in the verse to increase the interest.
And as John says the more feedback you give the more you'll get.
 
Neil 

[rightly]

plenty good ideas here
sometimes the words were a bit squeezed in, I don't know if that'S what you wanted.

overall though the song won me over
it struck me as original from the the beginning.

if it was mine I'd go to town on it, tightening it up here n' there.

welcome to the forum. 

[Paulnl]

Thanks for the comments, much appreciated

I think the version I've posted is finished but there's another version out there somewhere.  With verses that are easier to sing along to, less sung poetry.  Perhaps cleaner with one vocalist.  Maybe it could be more pop music.  That's where the comments have taken me.  I like it