[jacksimmons]

Another from my 80s-inspired album. Me and my boyfriend have been looking at buying our first property together. I have been having nightmares about us potentially falling out down the line, and it inspired me to write this song about a deteriorating relationship.

Thanks in advance for listening!


Lyrics:

I'm moving on
I'm over it
Flying plates and warning knives
Don't leave me looking round for good advice
Because it only goes one way

I was looking out for you
But you were looking out for someone else
You bought seeds for the dead grass
I went out and ate by myself
By myself

A small mistake
In the bathroom
A lick of blood on my thumb
You always used to comfort me that way

I was looking out for you
But you were looking out for someone else
You were living out your life in still frame
Hoping I would not come back
We were waiting by our window
Looking out for some other guy
To make us feel alive

I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm over it
I'm sorry you hurt me too
I would starve myself if I believed you'd worry
But I don't, now
Damn, you win all the time
You win all the time

I was looking out for you
But you were looking out for someone else
You were living out your life in still frame
Hoping I would not come back
We were waiting by our window
Looking out for some other guy
To make us feel alive

[Andreas]

This sounds really good! The text and melody fit perfectly together and brings each other up, and the lyrics are well written. I am usually careful comparing musicians, but I feel the vibes ala Dire Straits here! Well done!

[LostBoy]

Hi Jack,

I love this 80’s trip you’re on mate. The music is great!  The song itself however didn’t quite flow for ME like the last one of yours I heard. (which I loved!!) it’s the lack of rhyme. (Sorry man, just my honest 2 cents)
I like the lyrics, they’re unusual and original, but for me personally the lack of rhyme just trips me up.

I do however really like the “I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m over it” very clever stuff! And I love the little synth “climb/hook” you use. 

 I also felt that the vocal could maybe come up a touch, or a little more compression to bring it slightly more up front.

Anyway, take it or leave it buddy, I wish u all the best with your album AND with buying a house!! 

[Mikey]

Hi Jack,

Nice authentic 80's vibe, I like the energy lift in the chorus, and the vocal doubles in the bridge sound cool, well performed and good production.

Good song, Mikey

[Neil C]

Jack,
Lots to like here, busy and catchy. Like the lyrics and dont mind the lack of rhyme, which I normally do. I like the detail in the lyrics eg 2nd verse.
Thoughts: perhaps the vocal could be a tad higher in the mix to let the story to lead.
Good luck with house hunting and the tune.
 
neil
 

[Wicked Deeds]

There’s much to like here and there are elements of the production that suggest a real build in preparation for a big chorus.  It comes across as honest and melodic writing but I still want all roads to lead to a killer chorus.  I’ know you could deliver it too.  Perhaps think about this and rewrite with that chorus in mind.

I enjoyed listening!

Paul,

[mickyplankton]

Jack. as a song this is brilliant pop music. dont worry about predicting the future. you are a genius man. 1 day in the future everyone will recognise the brilliance of JS.

[MichaelA]

The topic is a bit sad, given as a young man you should just relax and enjoy what you have now. Who knows what the future will bring, but hopefully it will bring nothing but good things anyway!


This is a well polished pop song. Maybe I was expecting or hoping for a few more of your beautifully executed harmonies. But this song is from a 'classic pop' school of songwriting and you are polishing up your craft very well!

[Paulnl]

Waves, music, holiday where where the intro took me, then the lyrics took me into a darker place. 

I liked the lyric about our window.  That could be really deep.  A shared view on the world...

[redrhodie]

Such a pretty voice, and such harsh lyrics. Another great one, jack. The music moves the story along in a cinematic way. You should make a video of this. Those high notes are incredible. Beautiful.

[Bill Saunders]

Hi Jack

I enjoyed this very much. To my ears there is more than a hint of the Pet Shop Boys in the rhythm and vocal delivery in particular. The melodies running through it are so pretty and engaging.

My two tiny observations are:

The choruses are strong but could have really been given more welly still
The line "in the bathroom" seems to be forced to make it fit the song

The song is beautifully sung throughout.

Great stuff
Bill

[jacksimmons]

Thanks everyone! I'm glad you all like it.

Such a pretty voice, and such harsh lyrics. Another great one, jack. The music moves the story along in a cinematic way. You should make a video of this. Those high notes are incredible. Beautiful.

Aw thank you so much. I am planning a video trailer for the album at some point but haven't quite decided on the singles yet.

@MichaelA I know it's pretty dark but ironically I'm in a pretty great place right about now. Glad you liked it though

@Bill Saunders Cheers Bill! I know what you mean about the bathroom line. It was actually an adlib to change the melody like that. And yo're very right about the Pet Shop Boys. They run through most of what I am writing at the moment.

Jack. as a song this is brilliant pop music. dont worry about predicting the future. you are a genius man. 1 day in the future everyone will recognise the brilliance of JS.

Wow. I don't know about any of that Micky. I will just keep on trying to translate whats in my head! I feel like I still have a long way to go with writing and production. Thank you though for the amazing encouragement.

I love this 80’s trip you’re on mate. The music is great!  The song itself however didn’t quite flow for ME like the last one of yours I heard. (which I loved!!) it’s the lack of rhyme. (Sorry man, just my honest 2 cents)
I like the lyrics, they’re unusual and original, but for me personally the lack of rhyme just trips me up.

No need to apologise man, thank you for the feedback, it's very much appreciated. I admit I was also hesitant about the lack of the rhyme in the second line of the second chorus. But I also dislike forcing the lyrics to rhyme. It's a tricky one. I will maybe revisit this if it starts to bug me and see what I can do.

 Thank you all for listening!

[Skub]

Yo Jack.

Always good to hear another song from you.

This doesn't disappoint,a shiney,quality piece of work,great vocals and infallibly catchy all the way through.

Keep up the good work laddie. 

[Movin Flavour]

Good track you've really nailed how to write 80s inspired songs.
I like the lyrics, the song has hints of the 80 Euro scene.
A good listen.

Sandeep

[rightly]

Jack the peerless!

I read the lyrics first. Often the wrong thing to do but these lyrics are great.
Void of cliché and not at all overly self indulgent.

I wonder how many songs will be on your coming album.

Regarding pop music, the 80's were the last time I took any notice.
I still like a lot of eighties pop

Keep 'em coming, good sir! You're an inspiration.