[katiewilson1]

This is just words., no,structure just rubbish - just needed to write

It's the loneliness in the night
when the darkness is awake
that takes me to edge of nowhere

when the past is here , so near
and now is lost behind in the dusty roads , of your conscience

Oh lonely , lonely nights
where the sound of silence blows my mind
and even the air
is afraid to breathe

It's the loneliness in the night
when the darkness is awake
that the crimes of lost and loving
bear fruit , as the memories
fill my mind with long gone images

I sit in the kitchen , the light flickering
cup in both hands , sipping tea
staring , drifting past and present
wondering, regretting , longing

thinking
the air afraid to breathe
to beak the spell of darkness

[CaliaMoko]

Hi Katie,

As is, I would say this is more poetry than lyrics. Not to say a "through-composed", wandering melody couldn't be developed for it.

As poetry, I noticed a couple things. For instance, in third line, I recommend adding "the": that takes me to the edge of nowhere

I think the 5th line could be made stronger and tighter...maybe something like and now is lost in the dusty roads of the past ??

I'm always in favor of leaving out anything that's not absolutely necessary, and I wonder if you really need the word "where" in the 7th line?''

Overall, your word choices do a good job of setting an introspective and melancholy mood.

Vicki