Wonderful flow and cadence. I easily found a vocal melody to sing it on the first read through, and could have found several others if I were to wish to. TOTALLY ready to accept music and vocals.
It did get terribly long for a song with any hope of commercial success, but if you're not writing for that purpose, it is totally ok to be long.
I did not notice the numerous "I" references. I tend to agree with someone making that criticism, but since I didn't even notice it, I'd have to say that (for me) it's a non-problem.