[CaliaMoko]

2018-06-20 EDITED LYRICS--COMP VERSION

VERSE 1
I'm traveling through time and space, leaving my empty past behind
Trying to remember it's not a race, looking for an encouraging sign
Have I found my destination? Will I ever really know?
I was broken; now I'm mending. I can let my frailty show.

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

VERSE 2
I was tired of being lonely; pain had brought me to the floor
No one ever really knew me, but I never cared before
Time had stripped away my numbness, bared my insecurity
Until I found the strength in closeness, so I could live less cynically

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

BRIDGE
River of contentment
Eases my mind
We pass together
No one left behind

CHORUS x2
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

END OF 2018-06-20 EDITS


EDITED LYRICS

VERSE 1
I'm so tired of being lonely; pain has brought me to the floor
No one's ever really known me, but I never cared before
Time has stripped away my numbness, revealed sees my vulnerability
I am finding strength in closeness, living life less cynically

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

VERSE 2
I'm traveling through time and space, leaving my empty past behind
Trying to remember it's not a race, looking for an encouraging sign
Have I found my destination? Will I ever really know?
I was broken; now I'm mending. I can let my honesty show.

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

BRIDGE
I've achieved fulfilling freedom
Peaceful wisdom fills my mind
Now that we all walk together
OR something about conquering demons?? Maybe not
No one ever left behind

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

END OF EDITS

I think this might be my lyric contest entry. If I can finish it. The mood/story/whatever I'm trying to get across is:

A lonely person, feeling abandoned
Realizing it's necessary to reach out to others in order to find companionship/meaning/a life
And it won't always be lovely
It'll sometimes be messy
People are difficult and make everything complicated
But in the end, socializing and developing deep relationships is worth the trouble, inconvenience, and pain

Okay, then, here's what I have so far...you'll see I have choices for words separated by slashes in some places...haven't made final decisions on those yet. Need help. Or some sleep....

What parts sound weak to you (that I should change)? What sounds strong (that I should keep)? I'm pretty sure even what I have for verse 2 needs lots of work, but I'm not objective.


I DON'T MIND IF YOU WALK WITH ME

V1
I'm so tired of being lonely; Pain has brought me to the floor
No one's ever really known me; But I never cared before
Time has stripped away my disguise/mask, And revealed my sentiment/gentleness/tenderness/sympathy/fearfulness
I am weak and/but growing stronger/fast; Blossoming, my genesis/eloquence/selflessness/

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

V2 (first half)
I'm traveling through time and space, leaving my empty past behind
Trying to remember it's not a race, looking for an encouraging sign
need two more lines
kinda stuck

CHORUS AGAIN HERE

MAYBE A BRIDGE OR SOLO?

FINAL CHORUS

(c) 2018 Granny Goble

[CaliaMoko]

Katie sent me some thoughts privately from which I gleaned several really good ideas, so I've edited my lyric. After working on it for awhile, I get so discouraged, like I'm never going to get it to say what I want. It's fairly easy to get it to feel the way I want for myself, but it's much harder to make it so anyone else would understand what I'm trying to say. Anyway, edits are in the original post.

[adamfarr]

"We're messy together but we're not made of stone" is a great line and one that a song should be written around!

I thought verse 1 was quite direct but lacking a little poetry. Verse 2 is more enigmatic and potentially engaging - I wonder if you should start with that? Then when you get to verse 1 (which would then be verse 2) you could try (scanning permitting) "I was so tired... paid had brought me..."

The bridge came over to me a bit too much "telling" and not enough "showing"? Maybe you could take the "stone" theme and look for some images around that - cold to the touch, silent, buffeted about by the sea, whereas now the protagonist wants to be more open, sociable and proactive...

Just some thoughts. You shouldn't be discouraged - if it doesn't come easily then maybe it needs to ferment for while and will come good in the future.

[Paulski]

Hi Vicky

I really like the hook/title  it welcomes us in.
Gets to the hook fast.
I like how the chorus changes meter from the verses.
"vulnerability" is gonna be hard to annunciate IMO 
Unlike Adam, I thought the messy line was, well - messy.
To me, the chorus should be as simple as possible - because the verses are lyrically dense.
How about just a hook sandwich?

I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company <- you could change this line every chorus
So I don't mind if you walk with me

Of course, I might just be trying to make you lose the contest, so you might want to ignore me
Paul

[CaliaMoko]

"We're messy together but we're not made of stone" is a great line and one that a song should be written around!

I thought verse 1 was quite direct but lacking a little poetry. Verse 2 is more enigmatic and potentially engaging - I wonder if you should start with that? Then when you get to verse 1 (which would then be verse 2) you could try (scanning permitting) "I was so tired... paid had brought me..."

The bridge came over to me a bit too much "telling" and not enough "showing"? Maybe you could take the "stone" theme and look for some images around that - cold to the touch, silent, buffeted about by the sea, whereas now the protagonist wants to be more open, sociable and proactive...

Just some thoughts. You shouldn't be discouraged - if it doesn't come easily then maybe it needs to ferment for while and will come good in the future.

Hey Adam! The bridge is truly a struggle. I may just drop it altogether. We'll see. I absolutely adore your suggestion to reverse verses 1 and 2. So that will happen. Has already....

I do like the "messy together" line, although it seems awfully cryptic to me. That is, I know what I'm trying to say, but I feel like others won't get it. That probably shouldn't be my deciding factor, though....we'll see what happens in the next day or so.

Hi Vicky

I really like the hook/title  it welcomes us in.
Gets to the hook fast.
I like how the chorus changes meter from the verses.
"vulnerability" is gonna be hard to annunciate IMO 
Unlike Adam, I thought the messy line was, well - messy.
To me, the chorus should be as simple as possible - because the verses are lyrically dense.
How about just a hook sandwich?

I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company <- you could change this line every chorus
So I don't mind if you walk with me

Of course, I might just be trying to make you lose the contest, so you might want to ignore me
Paul

Hey Paul! Funny! 

I get your point about the "messy" line, but I'm kind of attached to it, for some reason. Is it too corny to say "it speaks to me" ??

I tried the line with "vulnerability", as I was concerned about that very idea. But I think it worked okay. I'll have to make a recording one of these days and get it posted to see if it works for anyone besides me. For now, though, I just want to get the lyric finished and posted for the challenge.

I never used to write lyrics alone, but lately I've done it a couple times. And then, when moving to setting it to music, have ended up with something completely different from what I had envisioned. Changing one's work habits can create other, unexpected, changes.

Thanks for the remarks and thanks to everyone who listened. 

Vicki