[Paulski]

Working on the music for this now - any comments welcome!

The Truth Comes Stumbling In

The trial was well underway
Each side had been pleading its case
But the Lie had convinced them
And no-one would listen
When the Truth came stumbling in

The Lie had arrived by Ferrari
The Truth - charact'ristic'ly tardy
So the Lie had the show
Wrapped up with a bow
When the Truth fumbled into the party

{br}
Now, the Lie was as sharp as a dagger
And he spoke with a confident swagger
With his mirrors and smoke
The jury was stoked
To believe him ahead of that laggard

The Truth, to the murmurs of laughter
Had the facts stacked up to the rafters
Then she took her sweet time
Crossing T's, dotting  I's
But the crowd wanted out of there faster

Yeah, the crowd wanted out of there faster

When you sit in your chair in the evenin'
And you're glued to the news of the nation
Well, your judgement should wait
'Cause the Truth will be late
Awww, you're just going to have to be patient!

Yeah, she's bound to be late
So you'll just have to wait
For the Truth to come
Stumbling..
Bumbling..
Grumbling..
Until the Truth comes stumbling in!

[CaliaMoko]

Well, Paulski, other than the two consecutive "the"s toward the end (which is surely a typo), I have no nits.  I love the story. And a whole song, basically made up of a series of limericks?? Totally gnarly. Rad? Awesome!

[adamfarr]

Clever stuff indeed and thought-provoking. My two comments would be:


- the Truth seems to have a split personality - stumbling and fumbling on the one hand and meticulous and fact checking on the other. For me this reduced the effectiveness and made the Truth a bit clownlike. Late and with less pizazz, for sure, but I think the meticulousness (?) is a far clearer and more coherent path.


- Evenin' to rhyme with nation - are you sure?! (possibly a British thing). But there are so many -ation words that I'm sure there's an alternative. Even television...


Just my immediate thoughts!

[Jenna]

Clever, indeed. My mind kept wanting to insert tumbled, maybe that was the obvious choice, making the other selections an unpredictable surprise. But wow, I'm impressed by how you've taken abstract concepts and turned them concrete with some poetic storytelling. Love it. It is thought provoking and profoundly accurate, as well. By the time I got to the evening/nation section, I was so enraptured by the story line that I didn't even notice the rhyme wasn't as strong as it could be. It was close enough to float by me. It helped that that portion was a bit of a punch line, bringing the whole thing home into every living room.

[Sterix]

You've set a high bar... I'm going to have to hold a shotgun to the head of my Muse to be able to compete!

[Paulski]

Well, Paulski, other than the two consecutive "the"s toward the end (which is surely a typo), I have no nits.  I love the story. And a whole song, basically made up of a series of limericks?? Totally gnarly. Rad? Awesome!

Thanks Vicky - got rid of that extra "the"  I didn't realize until it was half written that it was limerick form 

Clever stuff indeed and thought-provoking. My two comments would be:


- the Truth seems to have a split personality - stumbling and fumbling on the one hand and meticulous and fact checking on the other. For me this reduced the effectiveness and made the Truth a bit clownlike. Late and with less pizazz, for sure, but I think the meticulousness (?) is a far clearer and more coherent path.


- Evenin' to rhyme with nation - are you sure?! (possibly a British thing). But there are so many -ation words that I'm sure there's an alternative. Even television...


Just my immediate thoughts!

cheers Adam Ha - again I didn't notice about the dual traits of Truth in this. I guess I was thinking along the absent-minded professor lines. I think it's OK though - sometimes the truth does arrive somewhat awkwardly 

Clever, indeed. My mind kept wanting to insert tumbled, maybe that was the obvious choice, making the other selections an unpredictable surprise. But wow, I'm impressed by how you've taken abstract concepts and turned them concrete with some poetic storytelling. Love it. It is thought provoking and profoundly accurate, as well. By the time I got to the evening/nation section, I was so enraptured by the story line that I didn't even notice the rhyme wasn't as strong as it could be. It was close enough to float by me. It helped that that portion was a bit of a punch line, bringing the whole thing home into every living room.

cheers Jenna. Glad you bought into the story by the end 

You've set a high bar... I'm going to have to hold a shotgun to the head of my Muse to be able to compete!

Thanks @Sterix - shouldn't be any trouble topping this