June Lyric Competition (Just for entries )

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katiewilson1

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« on: June 06, 2018, 07:14:31 AM »
Hi welcome to the first in a new lyric competition , if may be trial and error to start with .



****IF YOU WANT SOME FEEDBACK ON YOUR LYRIC PLEASE POST YOUR SONG ON THE LYRIC BOARD STATING IT IS FOR THE COMPETITION AND NOT ON HERE AND IF YOU WISH TO COMMENT ON A LYRIC PLEASE DO SO ON THE LYRIC BOARD AND KEEP THIS THREAD CLEAR AND JUST FOR COMPETITION ENTRIES
sorry to shout Katie ****


This month is free style , perhaps later on we can have a chosen subject we could ask various people to choose one
The rules one song per person - once it is posted please leave as it is and don't edit - it  is what it is .

Closing date last day of June (short month ) but still plenty of time - only one vote per person -send me your favourite -as there could be a lot to read through maybe the voting should be open straight away - whatever people think best .

The  winner will be inducted into the songwriting hall of fame - with a prize of £15,000 (that's a joke, just in case any newbies are reading ) and given the title master of lyrics for a month


Good luck let the competition begin
Gong sounds like on old films at the start
Maybe someone will make a song out of the winning lyrics
« Last Edit: June 07, 2018, 08:54:49 AM by katiewilson1 »

Jenna

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« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2018, 01:01:12 PM »
This should be interesting, having to judge lyrics on their strength and style. It should help cement some of those concepts I studied and have since forgotten. I love it when Vickie goes into detail with her critiques, because they always remind me of the finer points of writing lyrics.

I'm still polishing this one, but this is the latest version of Doll Face. I've not yet worked on music for this one.

Waters rising in the dark
Endless downpours drown the spark
Not another curtain call
Happy clown
Rat race
No point at all

Futile efforts hours per day
Locked into these feet of clay
Here again the curtain call
Doll face
Rat race
I welcome nightfall

Close my eyes and drift away
Wishing I could stay this way
Avoid this life of hopeless days
Like a doll that's on display

Adrift on board a rubber raft
On a sea of broken dreams
Doll face
Deep space
Stand up tall

I close my eyes and float away
Wishing I could stay this way
Avoid this life of empty days
Like a doll that's on display

In sleep there is a peace I crave
Not offered freely to us knaves
Endless days of curtain calls
Headrace
Someplace
How dare I fall
Don't ever dare fall

I fall down
No one helps me up
Deal with that
Just my bad luck
If I hadn't worn my shoes so tight
I'd have been able to stay upright
Now stay down
Wear a frown
And you'll be drowned
For the big showdown

I close my eyes and drift away
Wishing I could stay this way
Avoid this life of loveless days
Like a doll that's on display

Sterix

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« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2018, 10:05:37 PM »
@Jenna I think the lyrics get posted in the lyrics section and labelled LYRIC COMP (or some such) - a bit like the drum comp songs get posted in finished songs and are labelled DRUM COMP. At least, that was the impression I got...

Now I've just got to decide whether to go for something new (I've just written something pretty decent) or touch up one of my older songs I haven't posted here. Choices, choices...
She was cast from Heaven
Found a place in Hell
She seduced the Devil
He screamed as he fell!


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katiewilson1

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« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2018, 11:23:58 PM »
I think it best to keep all the lyric competition entries in this thread otherwise they'll be dotted about all over the place, this way people can just scroll down and read the entries rather than having to click on each individual post

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #4 on: June 07, 2018, 03:13:58 AM »
Couple questions

1. Would it be okay to ask people to put the word ENTRY (or something) in the post title so we can tell which posts contain entries? Or will it be obvious?

2. Are we only allowed lyrics we have never even posted on the Lyrics board for the first time this month? That is, can we get feedback on the lyrics board this week and enter it this week? Or do we have to use a lyric we've never revealed anywhere on the forum, even if only for three days just before submitting it?

3. Can we collaborate with another forum member?

4. If yes; would that entry count as the only one each of us can submit?

Enquiring minds want to know. Well, I do, at least.  :P ;D

katiewilson1

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« Reply #5 on: June 07, 2018, 08:46:18 AM »
Hi thanks I don't see any reason why you can't post on the lyrics board and put comp entry if you want and get comments as well as posting  in the competition thread  -
I don't see why you shouldn't be allowed to collaborate with someone that way we might get some stronger entries as long as that is stated when it's entered into the competition

I think joint collabs should count as your entry for the month to save confusion and I think if you've had good feedback on a song that you've posted in lyrics  there's no reason that you can't use that as your entry for the month but once it's posted in the competition it shouldn't be edited or changed in anyway
I hope that answers a few questions xxx

MichaelA

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« Reply #6 on: June 07, 2018, 08:01:21 PM »
Here is a song I completed yesterday, so would like to enter the lyrics into the comp, if that is allowed.

It is a nostalgic song about the 1970s and a relationship with  somebody that started back then.


'My 1970's Girl'

You were sat on your space hopper
Looking at your Mickey Mouse watch
As I rode by on my Chopper
Thought your Farah Fawcett hairdo was top notch
I said I like collecting stamps
You said you liked staring at lava lamps
When I took you home to see mine
And my mirror disco ball, I took my chance

-------------------------

CHORUS (with variations)

I'm singing out cos I love you, I love you
My Princess Leia ( chorus 1 ) / Daisy Duke ( chorus 2 )  Charlie's Angel ( chorus 3 )
Ah my head’s a whirl
I'm singing out every (Abba ( chorus 1 ) / Bee Gees ( chorus 2 ) / Eagles ( chorus 3 ) song for you
My 1970's girl

I'm singing out cos I love you, I love you
My vinyl 45s are all yours to twirl
I'm singing out every (Led Zep ( chorus 1 ) / Bowie ( chorus 2 ) / Blondie  ( chorus 3 ) song for you
My 1970's girl

--------------------

We still cruise in our Cortina
On the windscreen, our names stickered ‘cross the top
Step out on the palm treed dance floor
In platform shoes an old guy should not bop
Still we do the Hustle smooth
YMCA, we remember the moves
Then you whisper you still love me
Trapped forever in our Seventies groove

--------------------

(CHORUS 2)

--------------------

We watch old TV
Mork and Mindy
Kangaroo Skippy
Fawlty Towers
This amazing colour TV is ours

-----------------


(CHORUS 3)


-----------------

Oh my 1970s girl

Paulski

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« Reply #7 on: June 08, 2018, 01:19:23 AM »
This might be fun - here's my entry in the lyrics section:

The Truth Comes Tumbling In

Jenna

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« Reply #8 on: June 08, 2018, 07:06:01 PM »
This might be fun - here's my entry in the lyrics section:

The Truth Comes Tumbling In

I think I'll withdraw for the month. LOL These lyrics are superb. It's so clever how you've personified the truth and the lie.

Paulski

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« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2018, 05:08:03 PM »
This might be fun - here's my entry in the lyrics section:

The Truth Comes Tumbling In

I think I'll withdraw for the month. LOL These lyrics are superb. It's so clever how you've personified the truth and the lie.
haha - very kind of you, but I'm sure you can do much better!  ;D ;D

philbee

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« Reply #10 on: June 12, 2018, 03:03:30 AM »
I guess it's time to put more than just a toe in the water if I'm going to find out what it's like.
I've written a few 'down' lyrics, but here's one that I set out to be bright, positive and up-tempo.

Musically, it is intended that the 2 Bridges 'interrupt' the bouncy verses, but the bright vibe will prevail.

A brand new feeling               

Verse 1

I just felt a brand-new feeling
That I never had before
It crept up and turned me over
Upside down – it spun me round
And out the door.

You never know what might happen
When you're feeling this-a-way
Without cares, without a problem
Walking tall – and stepping out 
To meet the day.      

Bridge 1

Here comes another deadline
Just to screw with my mind
Spend my life rushing madly
Pretend'n that I'm doing fine
But out of step
And out of time.                                  

Verse 2 

It's a time for just freewheeling
Nothing scheduled, nothing planned
Soaking up the scenes around me
And just go – with any flow
And no demands.

Bouncing down a sunny footpath
Feeling lucky, being glad
That for once I'm wanting nothing
And right now - what I need
Is what I have.

Bridge 2 

Life is full of obligations
People making their demands
Try their best to buy and sell you
With a smile and turned-on charms
They shake your hand
And twist your arm.
                                    
Verse 3

I just felt a brand-new feeling
That I never had before
It crept up and turned me over
Upside down 
It spun me round
Here on the ground 
Without a sound
And out the door.

Davino

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« Reply #11 on: June 16, 2018, 04:07:05 PM »
Here is a song I completed yesterday, so would like to enter the lyrics into the comp, if that is allowed.

It is a nostalgic song about the 1970s and a relationship with  somebody that started back then.


'My 1970's Girl'

You were sat on your space hopper
Looking at your Mickey Mouse watch
As I rode by on my Chopper
Thought your Farah Fawcett hairdo was top notch
I said I like collecting stamps
You said you liked staring at lava lamps
When I took you home to see mine
And my mirror disco ball, I took my chance

-------------------------

CHORUS (with variations)

I'm singing out cos I love you, I love you
My Princess Leia ( chorus 1 ) / Daisy Duke ( chorus 2 )  Charlie's Angel ( chorus 3 )
Ah my head’s a whirl
I'm singing out every (Abba ( chorus 1 ) / Bee Gees ( chorus 2 ) / Eagles ( chorus 3 ) song for you
My 1970's girl

I'm singing out cos I love you, I love you
My vinyl 45s are all yours to twirl
I'm singing out every (Led Zep ( chorus 1 ) / Bowie ( chorus 2 ) / Blondie  ( chorus 3 ) song for you
My 1970's girl

--------------------

We still cruise in our Cortina
On the windscreen, our names stickered ‘cross the top
Step out on the palm treed dance floor
In platform shoes an old guy should not bop
Still we do the Hustle smooth
YMCA, we remember the moves
Then you whisper you still love me
Trapped forever in our Seventies groove

--------------------

(CHORUS 2)

--------------------

We watch old TV
Mork and Mindy
Kangaroo Skippy
Fawlty Towers
This amazing colour TV is ours

-----------------


(CHORUS 3)


-----------------

Oh my 1970s girl


nice

adamfarr

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« Reply #12 on: June 20, 2018, 11:15:14 AM »

Here's mine: (here if you want to comment!: http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=15517.msg148467#msg148467)

METEOR

V1
You burst into the room
Like a frigate's crew
Rocking my quiet saloon

V2
I stopped fast in my tracks
Like a silent lamb
Sensing a wolf’s attack

V3
Words my trusty defence
Didn’t dare expect
Your warmth upon my neck

PRE-CH1
Tonight I'll devour the oyster
In the morning I'll be an empty shell
Tonight happy as an elevator
In the morning broken in the stairwell

CH
So tomorrow you’ll need to leave
Because you'll still be
The meteor, the meteor
So tomorrow I'd prefer
To be the bird that's shaken not stirred
But yet again I'll probably be
The dinosaur, the dinosaur

V4
Your hair perfumed my night
Balmy bunches of a life
That didn’t quite seem like mine

PRE-CH2
Tonight we pop bottle top stars
In the morning rattling in the garbage
Tonight kissing happy as a beer bubble
In the morning just a damp puddle

CH

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #13 on: June 20, 2018, 02:49:21 PM »
Okay, I think mine is done. If you care to comment, the original lyrics post is here: http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=15482.0

I DON'T MIND IF YOU WALK WITH ME

VERSE 1
I'm traveling through time and space, leaving my empty past behind
Trying to remember it's not a race, looking for an encouraging sign
Have I found my destination? Will I ever really know?
I was broken; now I'm mending. I can let my frailty show.

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

VERSE 2
I was tired of being lonely; pain had brought me to the floor
No one ever really knew me, but I never cared before
Time had stripped away my numbness, bared my insecurity
Until I found the strength in closeness, so I could live less cynically

CHORUS
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

BRIDGE
River of contentment
Eases my mind
We pass together
No one left behind

CHORUS x2
I don't mind if you walk with me
I kinda like the company
We were never meant to be alone
We're messy together but we're not made of stone

(c) 2018 Granny Goble

Sterix

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« Reply #14 on: June 20, 2018, 06:23:46 PM »
My entry, before I forget!

http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=15537.0

(edit - corrected my grammar. Cardinal sin - I put "you're" instead of "your"!)

LOVE'S A LIE

VERSE
At the bottom of the bottle
And the memory's still raw
You were trying to forget her
But you thought about her more
There's no solace in the silence
There's no hiding from the pain
I guess that there's no rhyme or reason
To the price we have to pay

BRIDGE
It's all a desperate illusion
That you wrap around your heart
And everybody who has been there
Was so sure at the start

CHORUS
(Love's a lie!)
It always kills you in the end
You won't survive
(You close your eyes)
Why not? It's easy to pretend
You roll the dice
(And say goodbye)
To all your foolish hopes and dreams
Your love's a lie
(And you were blind)
You fell so easy to deceit
And love's a lie

VERSE
Serenaded by a Siren
You were lured to your death
And the song she sang to tempt you
Was as haunting as it gets
But you sit there now in shadow
And the silence fills your mind
There is nothing left to cling to
That can save this slow demise

BRIDGE
It's all a desperate illusion
That you wrap around your heart
And everybody who has been there
Was so sure at the start

CHORUS
(Love's a lie!)
It always kills you in the end
You won't survive
(You close your eyes)
Why not? It's easy to pretend
You roll the dice
(And say goodbye)
To all your foolish hopes and dreams
Your love's a lie
(And you were blind)
You fell so easy to deceit
And love's a lie

INSTRUMENTAL

BRIDGE
It's all a desperate illusion
That you wrap around your heart...

CHORUS
CHORUS
(Love's a lie!)
It always kills you in the end
You won't survive
(You close your eyes)
Why not? It's easy to pretend
You roll the dice
(And say goodbye)
To all your foolish hopes and dreams
Your love's a lie
(And you were blind)
You fell so easy to deceit...

And love's a lie
« Last Edit: June 20, 2018, 08:34:00 PM by Sterix »
She was cast from Heaven
Found a place in Hell
She seduced the Devil
He screamed as he fell!


- What Made Me Think : ©2018 Sterix