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My sweetheart back in Kansas

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francisandthefox

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« on: May 27, 2018, 06:21:14 PM »
Hey all, I've been working on this track for about a week now... I'd like some feedback on melody and lyrics since I'm not 100% convinced, I do like the production though which I could use again for some other idea.

Here's the link:

https://soundcloud.com/francis_bean/my-sweetheart-back-in-kansas/s-W9LjF

and lyrics:

It's been so long since I've been home
crossing half the country on my own
when behind the clouds I see the rainbow
I dream about my sweetheart back in Denver

I spent my whole life beneath an Oak tree
singing all those songs about the hippies
sometimes when I forget the good old days
I dream about my sweetheart back in L.A

The dead of night gives me no relief
can they move on without me
the dead of night only drives me crazy
who knows if they're still waiting?

Pumpkins, Halloween and the country show
I always win the last prize or get drunk
When I lose track of where I'm going
I dream about my sweetheart in Wyoming

Now I have a home south of Texas
I wish I wasn't living all alone
I wonder if I'm wasting all my time
still thinking bout my sweetheart back in Kansas.

The dead of night gives me no relief
can they move on without me
the dead of night only drives me crazy
who knows if they're still waiting?

I'm spending my last days in Boston
trying to give this life a meaning
When I lock back there's too much fog
I'm missing my family down in Houston

I can hear the reaper call my name,
he's trying to haunt me for the past
If only I could live this all again
I'd never leave my sweetheart back in Kansas

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So... I really liked the title, thought it was strong maybe the song is a bit static. Curious to get some feedback. thanks!

delb0y

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« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2018, 10:16:11 PM »
Hey Francis

I really like this. I think it's super. You're right it's a great title, and the tune is a little static - but that works. It' sgot a lovely feel to it, your vocals have a great tone and I really like the melancholy melody. Great stuff.

I thought the last but one verse felt a little odd, when it was talking about the narrator's family, when all the other verses referred to his old girlfriends, but then it did fit with the last verse when I realised he was reaching the end of his days and wanted his family near. I did think the narrator had an awful lot of long lost girls - but if he's at the end of his day then he's had plenty of time. There was a geography / tense issue too when at one point he says he now has a house in Texas and a moment later he's in Boston. But these are minor details.

I shall look forward to hearing more of your work.

Derek
West Country Country Boy

RealKevM

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« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2018, 08:25:59 AM »
I really like that constant single drumbeat. I think your voice is a bit off especially outside of the verses but i'm the last person here to be critical about vocals. I like the handclaps. You've done some good work production wise, I like it.