konalavadome

I posted the lyrics for this song a while back.

  • 4 Replies
  • 925 Views

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Johnnyuk

  • *
  • Guest
« on: May 26, 2018, 09:21:51 PM »
Hi,
This is very much a work in progress.
Unfortunately i lost my voice twice in the space of a few weeks and ended up taking antibiotics for it. I'm still under doctors orders not to sing but alas my voice came back so i managed to get a half hearted vocal down on this song idea. Tbh the vocal is piss poor on this and a full tone lower because of my vocal problem right now but hopefully once i get my voice back i will get the chance to sing it much better and in the right key! But for now this is where it is at, at least you get to hear the melody lines for it and how my original lyrics fit.
I just thought you'd like to hear the melody lines to what i posted initially as just a lyrical idea.
Johnny :)

The song is titled: Something like this.

link is: https://allihoopa.com/s/7arg1WKW
« Last Edit: May 26, 2018, 09:24:13 PM by Johnnyuk »

francisandthefox

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 2
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2018, 06:24:23 PM »
I really think the melody moves quite well in the verses although the choruses are not that catchy... wish I could see the lyrics to give proper feedback and a first listen they sounded a bit too descriptive maybe I'd suggest using more metaphors or similes? also what's the working title for this song?

Johnnyuk

  • *
  • Guest
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2018, 10:22:50 PM »
I really think the melody moves quite well in the verses although the choruses are not that catchy... wish I could see the lyrics to give proper feedback and a first listen they sounded a bit too descriptive maybe I'd suggest using more metaphors or similes? also what's the working title for this song?

Hi and thank you for the response and feedback! It is much appreciated.
The song is titled : Something like this.
The lyrics for it are below. :)

Lyrics for it are here...

Title: Something like this.

I look into your bed
reach out for your hand
but it's stone stone cold

they said that they did their best
worked right on through the night
but still it wasn't enough

i think that something is wrong
when someone so young
is taken from you in this way
she gave a hell of a fight
i blame that beautiful light
for taking you away...

what do you say
when your child leaves this world
before you do
how am i to believe or continue to pray
to someone like you
when you do something like this?
what am i supposed to think
when you do something like this
what am i supposed to believe in?

If your listening god
step out there from the dark
cos this daddy needs to talk to you

i followed all of your rules
but in return all i got
was a knife straight through my heart

ok i'll pray one last time
and if you don't respond
i'll simply turn my back on you

this daddy he needs to know
why you took his baby girl
who wasn't even ten days old

what do you say
when your child leaves this world
before you do
how am i to believe or continue to pray
to someone like you
when you do something like this?
what the hell am i supposed to think
when you do something like this
what am i supposed to believe in?
anymore...


Johnny :)

philbee

  • *
  • Busker
  • *
  • Posts: 42
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2018, 12:35:37 AM »
Hi Johnnyuk,

I think the music is good and it supports the theme of the lyric well.
Expressing anger at an indifferent deity is a universal theme, but not often written about in songs.
Yours is a personal reproach and heartfelt - we can all identify with the events taking place.

I agree with francisandthefox however, that the language of your lyric is very straight up and down. I would have liked some metaphor and some nudges and hints, rather than have the situation spelled out so clearly and precisely. But that's my own preference in a lyric rather than a criticism of yours. I guess we can only work with who we are and what we've got.

katiewilson1

  • *
  • Guest
« Reply #4 on: June 01, 2018, 08:16:33 AM »
Hi Johnny link not working for me

Katie xxx