Were - Jack Diamond

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Jack_Diamond.

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« on: May 20, 2018, 09:57:31 PM »
Hey i thought id post this up here during a nice revision brake. Hope you enjoy :)
Any vocal tips would be much appreciated.

https://soundcloud.com/user-993922645-442229940/were-rough


Lyrics:

Lately you've been driving me crazy
we talked about this today
and you said we were okay
as we

Were, we were, we were, we were


To be honest my friend
i felt this was the end
but you said you wern't done
and im still so in love
so if you feel the same
something has to change
i want what we once were
but i dont know how to get there
so if you love me know
then please just show me how
you wanna be treated
and then we can beat it
cuz we've still got each other
and if youre not my lover
then youre still my best friend
until the

End, the end, the end, the end


Lately you've been driving me crazy
we talked about this today
and you said we were okay
as we

Were, we were, we were, we were

And im just here again
feeling kind of scared
darkness on the edge
the same
the same

redrhodie

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« Reply #1 on: May 21, 2018, 12:47:44 AM »
Hi Jack,

I like it. I think you should multi track the vocals. Play around with harmonizing, especially on the oohs, maybe by adding some ahhs along with them.

Nice mellow mood again. I look forward to seeing what you do with it.

Lynn

CaliaMoko

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« Reply #2 on: May 21, 2018, 02:55:56 AM »
My primary suggestion is to get gutsier with your vocals. Put more support behind them and sing *out* more. You sound like you're afraid to sing, and I suspect you're worried about making mistakes, hitting wrong notes? Putting more breath behind it will help you stay on pitch, as well as notice where you're going off. Then you can identify those places and drill them to get them fixed.

diademgrove

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« Reply #3 on: May 21, 2018, 04:38:39 PM »
Hi Jack,

not really my kind of music although it did remind me of some songs by Marvin Gaye. I think the vocal is too low in the mix but I quite liked the breathy feel to it. If you can find a way of singing it louder without ruining that feeling that would be good. You might be able to achieve that by playing with the balances if you have a separate vocal track without too much bleed from the music.

I thought the song ended abruptly, not sure if that was deliberate, if it was I don't think it works.

Sorry for the slightly negative feedback. Feel free to ignore me if you disagree,

Keith

PaulyX

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« Reply #4 on: May 21, 2018, 07:35:14 PM »
Interesting title - that drew me in straight away.
Nice mellow vibe.  A little bit chirpier than your last couple.  I think I'd agree you could have a bit more going on for this kind of track though.  I like the idea behind the choruses (very simple, two words repeating... works well) although I agree some backing vocals and stronger delivery would help those longer drawn out notes stay on tune (or trusty pitch correction in Logic if it were one of mine...).
Keep em coming Jack, you've got a definite vibe to your stuff.
It's all too beautiful.

Jack_Diamond.

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« Reply #5 on: May 21, 2018, 07:53:24 PM »
@redrhodie Thanks ill definitely look into trying to get some interesting harmonies going because it is a bit bland right now.
@CaliaMoko Thanks so much, ill give that try. I get what you mean i do try and sing quietly as to try not to annoy neighbours/flat.
@diademgrove Ill need to get a new mic before i raise the vocals having a white noise issue with my current one. It was deliberate but please don't apologize for being honest, its helpful and you were polite so thank you :)   
@PaulyX Cheers man, ill try work on my delivery (dont have logic and only free software).