[Almosthumanrobot]

Hey guys, haven't posted for a while, but I have been busy writing some more music.
I changed my artists name to Themis on soundcloud, don't know if it will stick or not
I wrote this song as a lovesong, but also as a song about Adam, Eve, the creation of earth and whatnot.
Hope you'll enjoy, let me know what you think!

https://soundcloud.com/themis2/evening

Lyrics:

Seven days I heard
It took to make the earth
To baptise all our kin
Into original Sin

We stood it stands to reason
In gods garden of eden
Feelings shapes and thoughts and figures
All make up this minds eye micture

I knew when I saw your eyes
We're alive in paradise

I'd give my right side rib for you
To see the things you wree gonna do
As he saw all was good
Didn't you wish we could

I knew when I saw your eyes
We're alive in paradise

Peace and dreams
Were not worth the hassle
Following snakes
You took a bite from the apple

I knew when I saw your eyes
We're alive in paradise

[SlavaB]

Hi Almosthumanrobot,

Quite interesting tracks, reminds me Moby back to his old albums. I would personally advise to spend a little bit more time on mastering and bring some variety to the song.


Best Regards,
Slava B.

[CaliaMoko]

I like a lot of your words. Especially the opening verse. I think it's great. "To baptise all our kin / Into original Sin".

If I had time to mull it over I might have minor suggestions for the rest but, in general, I find the topic and treatment more interesting than many.

On the technical side, you have a very breathy singing technique and you tend to hold some of the essssses. And you add extra sibilence by the way you join words together...like "didn-shoe" (didn't you). So the song has a "hissy" sound to it. Is that maybe by design to represent the serpent in the garden of Eden?

That's all I have. Hope it's helpful.

[Almosthumanrobot]

Hi Calia, thanks for that feedback. To some extent the hissy voice is on purpose yeah, I really like the way it sounds. But ofc I shouldn't overdo it. I sometimes don't articulate too well in normal conversation, so I guess that seeped over in my songs.
Thanks again for the feedback!

[cowparsleyman]

Hi Themis

Nice track, my only comment would be that the bass is a bit busy early on, and maybe a stand up bass would work better?

Nice pads and double tracked Vox.

Bring in drums @ 2:50

hope this helps

cpm

[MichaelA]

I very much like the combination of the delicate acoustic and the fragile layered vocals. Lovely sound and a cool chorus hook. Accomplished, well done.

[mickyplankton]

This is the kind of song where the context of listening makes a huge difference. The first time I listened was on headphones on a noisy train and the song kind of past me by. Listened again in the kitchen on a Sunday morning and WHAT A DIFFERENCE. This is a perfect chill out listen. Very gentle, subtle song with a beautiful infectious melody. Very effective use of sparse production. Well done Almost Human Robot.

[Mike67]

Love the song, and the treatment on the vocals reminds me very much of Sufjan Stevens. I could see this building quite a lot towards the end, before cutting to a very simple outro. Love the idea for the song, and the lyrics are stunning.

[PaulyX]

Very good track. I admire the restraint - you might have been tempted to chuck in big drums,cellos etc (and that’d probably work too!) but I also like the way you keep it subtle all the way through. I like the swelling sound effects you introduce towards the end and it sounds like you have some interesting effects on the vocal (reverse reverb?). Like others have said, vocals reminded me of Sufjan Stevens, or Bon Iver perhaps... you’ve got a smashing voice.

[Jack_Diamond.]

Nice! lyrics are really interesting vocal melodies are nice and fitting, i like the synth part. Im not 100% sure on the hard left pan for main vocals but it does work well when in both ears for the chorus. Keep it up mate.

[Skub]

Yo AHR.

As I commented on your soundcloud a/c,this is a lovely,delicate song and a sensitive performance. The chorus is quite beautiful. 

I agree with CPM that the bass doesn't entirely suit the song. It's difficult to get a good,rooted bassline with no drums to guide,so I found it a little busy and the timing wandered a little. The ending was a bit unfinished,it's an area many folk neglect,yet it can be a lasting memory of a song.

Overall,I very much enjoyed this. 

Reposted,as it deserves more listens.

[Katie Wilson]

Hi very original -one of them songs like a piece of modern art that you aren't sure about , doi love it or hate it

Well I certainly don't hate it , I think I would I would have liked a bit more rhythm but then it wouldn't have been the same song - deep lyrics which is fine , took me out my box which must be a good thing

Do I like it ? Today yes - tomorrow - not sure

Well done anyway xxx

[Almosthumanrobot]

Wow, thank you all so much for your replies! Really means a lot.
I was indeed going for a sufjan Stevens vibe as some people have commented, so its nice to hear it worked out.
@mickyplankton thank you so much, your comment made me feel so great.
@Skub thanks for the repost, its very much appreciated

[AnitaFox]

I really like it.  I think you have a great style. 

Can I ask where "Steal a heart" has gone? I can't find it on Soundcloud anymore, not good!

Cheers

A

[exfairy]

I love the chorus and the concept is so interesting!
My only tip I guess, would be on the vocals. I can hear the sound you're going for, but especially in the sections with smaller instrumentation, so more focus on the voice, the "gentle burst" style is maybe a little too much? Does that make sense? Like there's too much of an accent on the accented bits.
But like this is a songwriting forum, so it doesn't matter too much I guess.