A new song im working on, writers block has struck again for a chorus

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kieronfairhurst

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« on: May 10, 2018, 05:53:00 PM »
Hey all,

So im writing a new piece for my ex. Turning into Taylor swift over here lol.
Its a take me back song as we are still in contact and had talks of getting back together already as we both still have feelings for each other that much is clear.

So back story is:

We met in September and was together almost 8 months. At the start it was intense was in love right away and it was going so well then that died down a bit when he felt cause i didnt sleep over he felt he wasn't in a real relationship but kept going  christmas i got everything i wanted and he spent a lot of his money treating me to everything in between. I got lazy and took a lot for granted. Even in march when i was homeless i had to move in but by that point i wanted to. First week was okay and even though he had just moved in over christmas he wasnt ready for me to move in but he accepted it and never argued about it but other arguments arised because i didnt understand things or listen to him. I was lazy with the house work and the relationship died to the point we stopped sharing the bed and then it was over. We broke up and almost instantly it gave me a huge wake up call and i understood everything immediately but he was gone. Were still broken up but talks of getting back together but were both so happy at the moment and totally beaming as friends almost how it was in september and talking of the possibility of getting back together.

So i wrote him a song before with yodasdad having like 90% of the input of it and he sang and produced it now owns the finished song. 

I want to write another saying how im already changed and how i will continue to be better. That i'll spend every day proving why im so lucky to have him and how im sorry for all the things i did. I wanted to call it "Back to september" then i came up with the title "Ember" now am sat on the beach with a clear mind and i have two verses that needs a second input, almost like yodasdad helped with.  A co writer again to aid me. But im sat here with two rough verses and no title cause neither fits now. Please help :)

This is what i have so far, its very rough but says a lot already. Just needs slightly re-wording and im stuck for a chorus. This is it..

V1?

Love is never easy, i know that much to be true,
But i can't hide this feeling that i have for you.
I ain't asking for forgiveness, im just looking for a second chance,
To spend a lifetime, proving why im so lucky that you're mine.

V2?

I took so much for granted, but i understand it all now,
And i just hope its not to late to turn it all around,
I don't know what the future hold, but if we walk hand in hand,
We can find out together and you'll be my man.

Chorus here. Its a slow song up to here at the chorus i want it to be like
The bridge where it will pick up and tempo change towards the end.

So yeah.. that's what i have so far. All help and input will be much appreciated.

Thank you,
Kieron.

Martinswede

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« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2018, 08:11:15 PM »
Hi Kieron!

I think both verses work. The last two lines in the 2nd verse points a bit to the future. I think you should keep going in that direction. Saying that the truth about you (two) is not found in the past but the future. Make the story go from I. to You, to We.

Maybe you can use 'ember' to describe how you (still) feel. That fire just doesn't disappear, it lingers as embers

All the best,
Martin

kieronfairhurst

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« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2018, 10:06:17 PM »
Hey Martin,

I like your thought process with that and I do really like the title ember and with you saying its about the future now and me being better if we gave it another go. Another title i came up with was "Phoenix"  to rise up once again from the ashes.

I'll keep writing and take on what you said.

Thank you,
Kieron.

kieronfairhurst

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« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2018, 06:56:50 AM »
Any other input from anyone else? Still stuck majorly on the chorus.

Thanks,
Kieron.

Vintage54

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« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2018, 08:07:28 PM »

  Ok Kieron,

        Just read your post, and this is just a quick response and an idea for the chorus, hope it helps.

                  Now i'm sitting on the beach
                  And the sun has almost gone
                  Like the dying embers of our flame
                  But tomorrow will be brighter
                  Let's give it one more chance
                  I know that we can find that fire again

                                     Good luck
                                        Vintage54

        By the way, i think if you'd posted this in the lyrics section, you would have got more suggestions.

kieronfairhurst

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« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2018, 09:16:14 PM »
Hey there vintage,

I came up with a little bit of something for the chorus, was singing in the shower, its amazing how things come to us in the shower isn't it lol..

It definitely needs adding to as its extremly short but here it is

Chorus

I hope we can try try try, try to love again
and we can try to relight this lingering ember.

Thoughts?

Thanks,
Kieron.

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2018, 11:42:12 PM »
Hi Keiron here's my take on a chorus for you

It wasn't till I lost you
that I found my way home
but by the time I'd come to my senses
I found myself all alone

A title "It wasn't until I lost you "
« Last Edit: May 14, 2018, 11:44:03 PM by Katie Wilson »
I need to be myself , I can't be no one else

kieronfairhurst

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« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2018, 06:41:06 AM »
Hi Katie,

I appreciate the input but i think i still want to go with the title "Ember" but nothing saying that i can't use your input in a verse somewhere :)

This is what i came up with so far for a chorus, needs adding to its a bit short

Chorus

I hope we can try try try, try to love again
and we can try to relight this lingering ember.

Katie Wilson

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« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2018, 07:25:17 AM »
the flames of our pashion still sit in my soul
I don't just want  ashes to remember
I need to be myself , I can't be no one else

kieronfairhurst

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« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2018, 08:44:36 AM »
Hey,

I have a question, i got lots of notes and a few suggestions now. Reading through the backstory i put in the opening post. How should i build the story of the song?

I got a lot of notes and verses i already wrote on here that i may or may not stick with. So that's why this is my question. How should i build the song. What is it i should be focusing on at the start middle and end.

My guess would be, the start would be about when we met and a little inbetween. The middle would be the break up and what i did wrong and that i realised when it was too late. And the ending could be looking at the future and giving it a second chance to rekindle that dying ember.

Martin also said to try go from I to you  to we, which i guess if i follow what i just said it would do that but its about bringing it all together. To fit that as i seem to very easy go off track of that so how would you build it?

Thanks again,
Kieron.