Very much my cup of tea, and looking forward to hearing the full band version. May be the effect you were going for, but you strip back some of the lyrics to help create a more relaxed scan. For example:
He has your back
He sings you songs
Gives you his soul
And he makes you whole
He gives you gifts
Tells you his secrets
He's there when you need him
And you always need him
A few extra syllables is good to mix things up, but I'd limit it to the last two lines of each verse. A mid 8 or instrumental section might also be an idea. And I love the voice; you singvlike an angel.
Thanks so much! I just want to point out the difference between the meaning of the lines "he gives you his gifts" and "he gives you gifts". The way I sang it, "his gifts" I'm referring not to material gifts, but intellectual and spiritual gifts, the gift of his love. So while I see the point of removing extraneous syllables, "his gifts" is really important to meaning of the song to me.
"He gives you gifts" sounds like he's given me a ring or a new vacuum cleaner. Haha.
Thanks so much for saying I sing like an angel. I'm blushing.
Like the guitar key changes and melody catchy you.
Thoughts; I'd like to hear the main vocal on its own and some of the lines sound rushed especially the 2nd verse so as TfZ said I'd do some pairing down.
Anyway it help my attention and I liked it as it had a simple home spun charm.
neil
Thanks Neil!
The other version has a slightly different melody and I think the extra words might flow better. I hope you'll let me know what you think when I post it.
I enjoyed listening to this.
The harmonizing is necessary here because of the line crunching.
I'd never try the line-crunch but you get away with it here.
It's very difficult for me to write a simple love song, I'll pull it off one day though.
Nice song.
Thanks Rightly. I'm glad you liked it.
Very nice!, I like the simplicity of it, and the vocals are great, I like the way the backing vocals come in and out to emphasize the different parts of the song, and they sound great too. Some nice guitar playing too.
Cheers, Mikey
Thanks Mikey! My guitar playing has been coming along. Thanks for mentioning it. It's such a simple chord progression I'm glad it made a good impression.
Have to agree there are a few extra syllables here that detract from the atmosphere (you-his, won't-wanna).
I wondered whether "rarely absurd" should be "sometimes absurd" or similar - that might fit better with the "not always getting" and shows the person also has flaws...
I'd like to hear this without the second voice in the verses - it sounds "nice" but I think it could be more impactful and emotional with just one voice. Harmonies in the chorus are great.
But the potential is definitely here - so curious to hear the full band version...
Adam, I always look forward to your comments because you really get inside the lyrics. See above about the extra words, and I think you might understand why I did it this way.
Interesting you think I'm saying he has flaws with "You don't always get him". I may also be saying that he just needs to explain things by the next line, but it's always interesting to read a different interpretation.
Yo Lynn.
The guitar with the capo up at the 6th fret gives the song a breezy,summer,'Here Comes the Sun' jangly feel.
It's a change from your usually darker and more melancholic songs.
The others have mentioned the metering of some of the lines. You could alter things to make the lyrics flow better,but on the other hand,it gives the song a little eccentricity. I don't mind either. I wouldn't try to sing it the way you do,but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get away with it at all!
It's a good solid song,it works as it is,charming and quirky,or could translate well in a band situation.
Summer is coming, Skub! The world is bright and shiny. Haha. I'm sure my dark side will appear again soon. Glad you liked it.
